Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

So near and yet, so far.  There's a joke at the start of Woody Allen's classic Annie Hall, that goes something like this:

Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of them says to the other "boy, the food at this place is really terrible."  The other one says, "yeah, I know. And such small portions."

This joke came to mind as Danny and James parted ways.  They're two absolute nothing characters, boring and insignificant, and yet their break up was so lacking in any drama whatsoever I felt short-changed.  Friday, Danny gets a job offer and turns it down; Monday, James tells him to take it; Tuesday, we get Summer saying they're having a bash at a long distance relationship (and who told her?).  No waving him off at Piccadilly, no heartfelt hug before he gets in the taxi, just "I've got a new job in London seeya!".  

This does now raise the question: what do we do with James?  Because they've played out the gay (sorry, GEH) footballer angle, because everyone's ok with it.  They've done a racism storyline with him, because the police realised they were wrong and apologised so that's the end of that.  Maybe something to do with his dodgy knee, which is still playing up, but personally I think he should phone up whatever club in Germany Corey was going to and offer his services.  They've got a vacancy now after all, and I don't think he'll be missed.

One in, one out.  With Kelly newly freed in the swiftest justice we've seen on this show in a long time Imran and Toyah were informed they couldn't have her live with them at the flat if they wanted to keep Elsie.  Apparently her circumstances meant she had to be in a one child household; they hinted that it was because of some trauma, but I suspect Elsie is just a really spoiled little brat and doesn't want to share her toys.  Kelly instead split her time between a halfway house where they sprayed graffiti on her bedroom wall, and the Victoria Street gardens, where all the characters passing by gobbed at her for her role in Seb's death.  Have you thought about doing something useful with your time Kelly, like getting a job or finishing your education, instead of stopping Nina and begging for her forgiveness?  The advantage of that is you wouldn't keep running into people who hate your guts.

She did find some comradeship and compassion from Aadi and Asha.  They've clearly forgiven her for that time she sent Asha's naked video round the whole school because they're better people than you or me.  I think things are going to get worse before they get better for Kelly, which is a shame, because it'd be nice for her to have something good happen to her for once.  Either that or bring back her blowsy drunk mum as a permanent character and they can have a sort of Edina/Saffy relationship for maximum hilarity.

There's so much SPACE.  Look, I'm aware this exposes me as a Sam-style nerd, but Ruby and Hope's planetary model really wound me up.  We'll start with the mess that the girls were producing, with that weird green and purple ball up there part of it.  Fair enough, I thought, that's what ten year old girls churn out.  Then we saw the final result:

Do you see a purple and green ball?  No.  There's a big black one so presumably Tyrone painted over all Ruby's efforts when she was done.  Furthermore, logically, that should've been yellow; you have the sun as the base and then all the planets on sticks poking out of it to show they're orbiting it.  You certainly don't stick the sun on the left hand side and make it more or less the same size as Jupiter.  What are you, amateurs?  And what's that on the far right?  Is that Pluto?  Pluto's not a planet any more, girls.  Hasn't been for years.  If you put Pluto in there, you should be including Ceres and Eris and the other dwarf planets, but I don't see them anywhere.  Frankly this entire model disgusts me and if I was their teacher I'd throw it in the bin.

Perhaps they should've consulted Dr Gaddas for full accuracy, as she appears to be broadcasting from the International Space Station.  I am very much here for a Coronation Street spin off where Dr Gaddas is a GP in orbit, treating minor space injuries like gravity bumps and space nosebleeds and doing sick notes for Klingons so they don't have to go into battle on Monday.  In my experience it'd be just as easy to get an appointment with a doctor floating two hundred and fifty miles above Earth as one in a surgery round the corner.

Don't be hot for teacher.  How are we living in a universe where there are two young pretty women fighting for the attentions of Daniel Osbourne?  That's like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston competing for the affections of a small loaf of white bread.  Daniel's a nice enough chap, but he's not exactly a super stud, is he?  Although Daisy did only become interested in him when she found out his mum had given him a £400,000 house, a house which seems to have been completely forgotten about.  Is he renting it out or what?  It was hinted that he finally had his way with her in the final cliffhanger as she buzzed herself in for some late night fun, though what they didn't show was her storming out in disgust after Daniel tried to get her to wear that Sex Cardigan of Sinead's.

Meanwhile Summer has developed that crush on Daniel we all knew was going to happen the minute he started tutoring her.  She does have form for this - remember when she was madly in love with Aidan? - but it's still a bit disappointing.  Summer's meant to be the clever one of all the Street's many, many teen characters; she should know better.  Daniel is showing no interest in her whatsoever, though I suspect that won't be the story Max spreads around once he learns of her crush; he gave Daniel a distinctly devilish look and has already gossiped about his dalliance with Bethany.  This is all coming off as a warning against both the Oxbridge admissions system and the concept of private tuition so it's entirely possible this plotline is actually the work of a leftist agitant and the next step will be Summer chucking a brick through the window of H&M to strike a blow against capitalism.

Father knows best.  The simmering ball of resentment masquerading as Aadi finally exploded this week.  As this is lovely Aadi and not one of the Street's many devil spawn his plan for revenge extended no further than scratching Dev's new car - Hope would have blown it up with her dad inside.  It lead to Dev sitting Aadi down and talking to him, tenderly, carefully, explaining he loved him and didn't see him as second best.  They talked through the exploding car, they talked through his finances - it was mature and wonderful and reaffirms that the Alahans have slyly become the best family on the Street.  They feel like a proper little unit.  And they manage it while still including moments of insanity that can only be provided by Devendra; this week we learned his first girlfriend was a girl named Lindsey Darswell, and he puked all over her after a ride on the waltzers.  What a legend.

Aadi's moved out to Kelly's halfway house, which is a definite "frying pan/fire" move.  Nobody at number 7 is shoving you up a wall because the police are sniffing around.  Go back home and hang out with Amy being awesome and funny and clever again.  You know it makes sense.

I've deliberately not mentioned Natasha's funeral because (a) it's not exactly a laugh riot and (b) I'm still furious they killed her.  Contact me on Twitter @merseytart with your ideas for how we can reverse this storyline.

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