Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Tuesday, 9 November 2021

Five Things We Learned In Corrie Last Week

When are the council going to realise we're in a climate emergency?  Normally this blog turns up on a Saturday or Sunday, while we're all still reeling from the week's Corrie.  Unfortunately I couldn't manage it this weekend because I was lying down in a darkened room with a damp flannel on my forehead muttering "Maria as a councillor... Maria as a councillor..." over and over.  I'm not saying you have to have a particular level of intelligence to be a politician - I'll just say "Nadine Dorries" and leave it at that - but the idea of Maria as a crusader for causes on the local council makes my brain fritz.  I'm not entirely sure she can spell "councillor".  This is the same Maria who fell in love with the man who killed her husband, who went to prison for marrying a gay man in a visa scam, who happily swallows every dodgy lie that comes out of Gary Windass's mouth.  I don't want to chuck around judgemental terms, so let's just say that Maria has got being naive down to a fine art.

As such it's hard to swallow Maria the social crusader.  It doesn't help that the writers haven't given her any proper dialogue but have instead made poor Samia Longchambon bark the agenda of COP26 at other cast members.  "When are the council going to realise we're in a climate emergency?" was my favourite piece of naturalistic conversation, closely followed by her incredibly earnest "We're supposed to be carbon neutral by 2050!".  Yes we are Maria, thank you for reading out the top line of the Government press release.  She now has a cause to fight for, which is a new bypass which the Council have somehow snuck under the radar.  It's an incredibly common problem; all across the country, people open their curtains of a morning to discover a dual carriageway has been built over their back hedge and their shed has been turned into a drive thru Starbucks.  Happens all the time.  There definitely isn't a long, drawn out process of public consultation, notices to residents, information to the press and multiple interested pressure groups that would bring all this to the attention of locals.  No, the Council just go "let's stick a bypass over there" then wander off for lunch.  It's lucky Maria contacted the Gazette about the matter otherwise their journalists might not have noticed it at all.  I particularly enjoyed how they overcame the previously-established fact that Roy discovered Roman artifacts on the Red Rec during a previous attempt to build on it in 1998 and therefore the park was protected; Maria said "they've got round it" and that was that.

Maria is going to stand as a pro-environment candidate in the election, which is lucky, because there definitely isn't a massive national political party that already does that across the country.  She'll have Sally as a rival, because, as has been pointed out before, she was completely exonerated of all the charges that ended her career as Mayor and should really have been immediately restored to power.  Fiz and Maria were both disgusted to learn that doing nothing wrong means you can stand for political office, with Maria saying:

Yup, democracy is in safe hands.

CROSSOVER!  I think we were all excited to learn that Britain's continuing dramas would all collide to emphasise the current climate emergency.  Imagine it: Tom from Hollyoaks joining up with Nina to chuck paint over Range Rovers!  Charlie from Casualty taking care of Phil Mitchell after he spends too long in the unseasonably warm sun!  A character from Emmerdale doing something interesting, no doubt (is that man who says "ey, Mr Wilks" still in it?)!  Sadly, what it actually turned out to be was people pointing at videos on their phone and saying "have you seen this?".  It wasn't exactly Avengers: Endgame, put it that way.  I wanted it to reach the heights of EastStreet, or at the very least that time Mick from Brookside read a newspaper about the Emmerdale plane crash.  Still, now we've established all the soaps exist in the same universe, I hope they all comment on one another, and the next time a terrorist cell blows up Holby General or a helicopter crashes into the Queen Vic Roy will sigh and hope nobody famous dies.

There's a star in the making.  I miss Norris.  I miss his finicky, gossipy ways.  I miss him brushing the step outside the Kabin for no reason other than he wants to earwig on whatever screaming match is currently happening on the cobbles.  We've not got that character any more, which is why I think we should promote Fergus to series regular.  In his brief appearance at the factory on Monday, he managed to be officious (refusing to talk Council business with Sally), vain (letting her stroke his ego and inflate his self-worth) and a massive telltale (dropping all sorts of secrets and nicknames and jabs).  Marry him off to Mary, have them take a flat round the corner, and let him run rampant across Weatherfield insulting and preening and passing judgement on Sarah-Louise's lax morals.  It'd be joyous.

It would mean he could develop his burgeoning friendship with Sally, who was once again on top form this week, as Tim painted their front door in Pablos Blancos, a hue "meant to evoke the white villages of Andalusia".   Sally Dynevor once again proved why she earned that MBE with her glorious snobbishness; the only thing that would've made it better would be if she pronounced it "AndaluTHia".  I hope this is the start of a storyline where she replaces that manky old wood-framed door with something a bit more modern and 2021, because I'm pretty sure Morris Jones installed that door when he built the posh side of the Street.  I don't know how anyone in Coronation Street gets house insurance because there isn't a single British Standards five point locking mortice among them.

Time is running out.  I was violently pro-Curtis when he first arrived.  Was this connected to the fact that he was extremely good looking?  Who can say?  But leaving that aside, it was nice to have a funny, clever character who seemingly had no ulterior motives or dark secrets; heck, it was nice to get a character who didn't have all of Manchester's underworld chasing him onto the cobbles.  The best part was he seemed to make Emma happy, and all I want from Corrie is that Emma is happy.

Now, however? Now I'm just bored.  His Mysterious Death Syndrome is really starting to get on my nerves, precisely because it's so mysterious.  It feels like the producers didn't want to give him something recognisable, because then they might have to be a little bit realistic.  This way they can give him any symptom they want.  Dodgy heart?  Hair falling out?  Fuzzy vision?  Yeah, chuck it all in there.   Next week he'll get some pustules and his leg will go gangrous, why not?  His appearances now turn me into Trevelyan from GoldenEye:

Still, it's all good news now, isn't it?  Marriage!  Christmas wedding!  Nothing can possibly go wrong here, and they definitely aren't going to make Emma cry repeatedly over the festive season just to really annoy us.

Can I suggest a train of investigation for the incredibly expensive private doctor Steve is paying for, because apparently Curtis has no friends or family of his own?  Check his lungs and see if they're full of smoke and if that's affecting him, because somewhat unbelievably, it's months since Hope set the salon flat on fire and they still haven't wiped down the walls.  I looked at the shot above and thought there were windows casting light onto the back of the kitchen.  Come on Tyrone, it'd only take you a weekend and a couple of bottles of sugar soap, crack on.

Congratulations to the happy couple.  Well done to Abi on becoming the third or fourth (depending how you count it) Mrs Kevin Webster.  It was quite surprising how easily Kev looked past the fact that she'd planned on murdering a teenage boy - I guess moralising is easily ignored when you've got a room booked.  Of course, the wedding was being held in that tatty suite at the Chariot Square Hotel; is that the same hotel where Ray tried to blackmail Abi into having sex with him?  Such precious memories.  The on-off nature of their wedding meant none of the guests could attend, meaning we missed out on the amusing sight of Tim watching his real-life fiance marry someone else.  I'm not sure why they didn't all head into town to join the wedding party once they'd discovered it had gone ahead anyway; I'd have been straight down there to attack the finger buffet and abuse the free bar.

Debbie finally gave her blessing to the union, emphasising how important this family was to her and how she didn't want anything to wreck it.  That'll be the same Debbie who steadfastly refused to even visit her brother between the years 1985 and 2019, even as Kevin married, had kids, had an affair with Known Trollop Natalie Barnes, divorced, married again, had another kid, lost the kid, was widowed, remarried, went to prison, got another kid by his mate's wife, watched her get a tram dropped on her head, divorced again, claimed his son, and then watched him lose a leg to sepsis.  Not to mention all the other disasters that have befallen him, or indeed his dad when he lived on the Street at various times in the 90s and 2000s.  Yeah, Debbie's all about family.

I was surprised this week to learn of a character called "Danny", who I believe works at the Bistro.  I tried to pay attention but every time he talked my brain went to sleep and I had problems recalling who he was.  Please fill in the gaps for me on Twitter @merseytart.

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Simon Hayes Budgen said...

"all the soaps exist in the same universe"

But we've got a problem.

Emmerdale and Brookside already existed in the same universe, as you point out, because Mick was reading about the Beckindale plane crash.

Now Emmerdale and Corrie are in the same universe, through Gary's phone.

BUUUUUUT... Heather Haversham's doctor boyfriend in Brookside was shown outside Granada, saying that some of his patients were big fans of Corrie and hoped that he might spot some of the cast while he was in Manchester.

So Brookside exists in a universe alongside Coronation Street, where Coronation Street is a fictional programme they watch on TV.

Sharon boothroyd said...

Great post, Scott.
It seems unlikely how Maria has suddenly become eco- conscious.
I know this won't be popular but I don't think Kevin and Abbey are that well- suited.
He's a steady plodder and despite telling herself that she wants to settle down, she craves excitement and drama.
She's already keeping one secret - she's cheated on him with Imran.
Of course she'll be pregnant and of course Kev and Jack will be thrilled and she'll pass the baby off as Kev's.
But no doubt Imran will want it for him and Toyah to adopt.
I wouldn't have thought Abbey would be allowed to adopt Jack with her background and history.
I don't understand why uncle Ronnie would want to stir up trouble between Danny and James. He must have known a move to London for Danny would cause a split.

bluegardenia said...

I'm in Canada so I'm a bit behind on episodes. So have just watched the fiasco of the 2 part Halloween tripe. I thought I had seen the worst corrie episode of Norris's funeral which was not only not funny but disgusting. But the Halloween episodes eclipsed poor Morris. Everyones performance without exception was at about a grade 4 level, in fact that maybe an insult to those in fourth grade. Leanne Abby Toyah Harvey Dev every scene unbelievable overacted and ridiculous. I felt sorry for all who had Lines in those scenes. I blame the writers and directors. The two episodes were each directed by FOUR
People!!! They must have all been directing at the same time! I have never heard of a show with 4 directors!
I've been watching CS for more than 35 years. I have never seen so many plot mistakes and nonsense as in these two episodes. CS needs new writers people who can actually write. And stop with the number of directors per episode.

maggie muggins said...

Five Things is always worth waiting for, Scott! You said everything about "eco-Maria" that many of us were thinking but daren't say for fear of sounding too mean. It was truly a cringe-a-thon. Even Ken left early for lunch during the demonstration. Crikey, even Auntie Emily had more genuine spirit about her when also fighting to save the Red Rec.

Has Debbie really forgiven Abi for the gun incident, or is she storing that one up for future blackmailing?

I'm still not sure about Fergus. He never smiles or cracks dry jokes. He seems kinda creepy to me. We do need a Norris, just not sure he could fill his shoes. I'm willing to give him a chance, but these days so much depends on the writing.


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