Coronation Street double episode review, Monday 23 December

‘Forgive me Father for I have sinned’ begins Gail, but she’s not begging forgiveness for herself, she is suggesting, somewhat obliquely, that Kylie should be doing this, with a few Hail Marys thrown in for good measure. Gail bangs on about how she can’t stand this much longer, meaning the pathetic self-pity and the insensitivity. She talks of Kylie being an absolute disgrace and how she, Gail, has had connections with Max’s school,for thirty years and how much she has helped there, even falsely claiming to be on the PTA. David does something right, for once, and interrupts her claim to all things morally superior and asks her, ‘What are you saying? That you’re perfect?’ At least she admits she has not been perfect. ‘I’ve got my faults and plenty of them.’

When Kylie appears, she says, ‘Morning,’ in a reasonably civil way. Gail has to take issue with her. ‘Morning! Is that all you’ve got to say?’ Gail speaks of Kylie in the third person, not a very endearing or successful method in building bridges. ‘Is she going to apologise? She reminds Kylie of how she has humiliated Max in front of all his friends. Kylie, sensibly, says sorry. Gail reminds Kylie that she has a long way to go to make this right. Kylie tells Gail that she only said sorry to shut Gail up but it didn’t work. Gail is exasperated as Kylie heads off to work, while her mother- in- law shrieks, ’She’s not fit for purpose!’

Perhaps Gail could write a book, entitled, How Not to be a Mother in Law.  It’s just a shame she’ll be too late to catch the Christmas market.

On arrival at the Bistro Leanne gives Kylie a verbal warning which swiftly changes to a final warning. Leanne now tells Kylie that she has traumatized Max for life, by dragging him off the stage.  Kylie asks who isn’t traumatized for life and a gasp could be heard around the nation as Leanne tells us that we are all products of our parents.

 Nick chips in with how despicable a thing it was to take Max off the stage, to which Kylie says, ‘Despicable Me’ referring to the children’s film and amusing the viewers. All those criticising Kylie and claiming space on the high moral ground have all done the despicable themselves – Despicable Mes – doesn’t quite work…  

Kylie spills the beans at the Bistro, which Gail tries to dismiss as the ‘mad ravings of a drunk’ but Sally is persistent, wondering why Kylie would have said that David tried to kill Nick, if it wasn’t true.

Welcome light relief comes from Dev just about to tuck into his high calorie, though enticing looking breakfast, when along comes Kal. Covering the breakfast with his newspaper, Dev tells Kal he has to work, but then checks in his diary and has to admit that there, in black and white, is his 10 o’clock appointment with Kal.  ‘What’s this?’ asks Kal, as he uncovers the breakfast, to which Dev asks, ‘What’s what?’

After a brief lecture on the causes and evils of the American obesity crisis, Dev defends our friends across the pond by using Usain Bolt as an example of what is good about America, but as Kal points out, Mr Bolt is Jamaican, so Dev’s futile argument collapses and now he will be put through his paces by an unforgiving Kal as Sophie turns up for her shift.

Sophie is proving to be much the better sister, even though neither she nor Rosie will be eating their turkey with Tim, Sally and Faye.  Rosie will be partying it seems but Sophie will be helping at the soup kitchen, to which news Sally asks where is her Christmas spirit. Oh Sally.  More amusement from Sally in the shape of her catty comments about Carla’s shoe habit, and yet, when Carla rings she is all sweetness and light. In fairness though, it’s a rare soul who has never done something similar.

So, it’s Christmas shopping list time at The Rovers. ‘Do you like parsnips Amy?’ asks Michelle. Apparently Amy has never heard of them. Nobody likes sprouts apparently, but when Michelle decides they won’t bother with them, Steve comes over all traditional and says they are ‘compulsory’  as are Christmas pudding and Christmas cake. ‘You don’t like currants,’ says Michelle, once more in the guise of Steve’s mother and Steve, as her 6 year old child. And then Steve’s phone rings and it’s Andrea, asking Steve about whisky for her dad, Roger. Michelle does not like that! Why is she ringing Steve, Michelle wants to know. ‘Because I’m a publican’ he says, as if stating the obvious. ‘Publican – school boy you are.’ Michelle! What are you saying?

Then, something that I found barely explicable - Michelle asked if it was Andrea who wrote the jokes in Christmas Crackers. What…? Any explanation of what I see as at best, a weak joke, would be most welcome.

How wonderful to see Andrea in the flesh - wonderful for us, that is, but not Michelle nor Liz. Cool to the point of rudeness, how unpleasant they showed themselves to be.  As Steve and Andrea chatted, we were given an insight into how ‘matey’ and in tune Steve and Andrea are. The revolving door episode was true after all, and we learn that Steve was with Andrea. Obviously guilty, Steve semi -shushes her as she reveals this.
  

An ‘even unhappier than before’ Michelle states that Andrea is not as advertised. She is attractive, smart and warm as we clearly witnessed.

Tim is giving Roy’s Rolls’ windows some elbow grease as Roy and Hayley set off to chemotherapy. No doubt Tim regrets asking if they’re going somewhere nice. Roy pays Tim and Tim claims to be searching for the £2 coin, for which Roy waits, until Hayley wordlessly explains.

 It was very upsetting to see Hayley looking so gaunt and ill, and suspecting that the tumour is growing. Her last Christmas is this one and she knows it, but nevertheless she finds warmth and amusement in Becky’s card wishing her a Fabaroo Christmas. Remember that Gail said Kylie made Becky seem like Kate Middleton. A good line!

Tina, Rob, Peter and C arla – where will this all lead? I can’t be alone in feeling hopeful that Tracy will discover Rob and Tina together, just so that Tracy will be upset. I have no wish though for Carla to be upset. As she said tonight though, girls like Tina don’t grow on trees. How could Peter disagree?

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