I was leading an exciting thrill-packed life last week so I didn't have time to write the weekly recap of Classic Corrie. Lol, not really; if I had an exciting thrill-packed life do you think I'd be watching decades old episodes of a soap opera? Here's twice the recap, but it's only half as interesting.
MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 24th and 25th May 1998
Darren the murderer - played by a young David Essex apparently - forced his way into number 4 and tried it on with a terrified Leanne. She tried to fend him off but it was only Ashley's intervention that stopped him. Nicky was horrified to learn what had happened but Leanne told him he didn't really care; he was happy to use his own wife as bait for a psychopath. She moved back in at the Battersbys and asked him for a divorce. Les, however, was distracted by his court appearance. He got a fine and a driving ban but his biggest worry was that Janice would find out. Jim suffered a blood clot, making Steve and Liz panic. He was frightened he'd never be able to walk. Des told Samantha that he didn't believe the baby was his, even when she swore on a bible. She told him that she didn't want a baby without him and would get an abortion.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 27th and 29th May 1998
Samantha told Vera about her pregnancy and she laid into Des, accusing him of abandoning a woman in her time of need. He decided to give her his support but she said she wasn't interested in a dad who wasn't fully committed. He asked Natalie for advice but she confessed that she was in love with Des herself. Sally's mum passed away and she went to Scarborough for the funeral. Kevin meanwhile was rubbing his hands together with glee at selling her house. Toyah told Gail that Leanne was back with them and her marriage was over. They didn't realise that Darren the murderer was listening the whole time. Gail went to see Nicky and tried not to gloat, while Les accused him of cheating on Leanne. Les burned all the copies of the Gazette from the Kabin to stop Janice from seeing about his conviction and then faked a back injury to explain why he couldn't drive any more. Jim came home from the hospital to a special medical bed in the lounge of his house. He was miserable and angry and turfed the neighbours out when they tried to cheer him up.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 31st May and 1st June 1998
Kevin had a great idea for how to spend her mum's inheritance: buy Natalie out of the garage. She admitted that she wasn't really bothered by Natalie any more, but he still negotiated a sale price behind her back. Sally was far more interested in Greg, who'd started work at the factory and caught her eye. Darren saw Leanne going into number 5 and forced his way in. He accused her of messing him about but Nicky overheard their row and came in through the back. He picked up a bread knife and threatened Darren but he was predictably useless. Still, it was enough to get Leanne back. Samantha was incredibly changeable, because nobody can decide how to write her character; one minute she got back with Des and shared a romantic meal, the next she told him she was going ahead with the abortion anyway. Les told Maxine that Greg could do much better than her; as revenge, she told Janice about his conviction. She kicked him out of the house.
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 3rd and 5th June 1998
Samantha told Des she was off to abort his baby and he begged her not to. He searched the local clinics but couldn't find her, only for Judy to tell him she saw Sam in town. When he confronted her she said there never was a baby - she lied to wind him up. He told Natalie what had happened and she called Samantha sick. However, Samantha told her that she'd actually gone ahead with the abortion and had lied to Des about it. Natalie was sympathetic and believed Samantha when she said her son was in Leeds hospital. She dashed over the Pennines, only for Samantha to kidnap her cat, for some reason. Zoe attended group therapy wearing a hilariously bad wig alongside a man, Paul. He confessed that he'd forced his employee to have sex with him for cash and Zoe realised that he was talking about Judy. Les parked a manky old camper van on the Street and started living out of it while Janice refused to give him the time of day.
FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 7th and 8th June 1998
Natalie returned from the hospital, angry at the hoax. She told the pub that Samantha had lied and walked out. Samantha, however, convinced Betty that Sally was the one who'd made the call to annoy Natalie. Kevin kept banging on about buying the garage, much to Sally's irritation, not least because it was interfering with her flirtation with Greg. He lost his temper with her for blowing hot and cold. Leanne was frightened by Fred looming up in the conservatory window and it convinced them that they should go to the police to report Darren's break in. As he was on parole that would mean he'd go back inside.
MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 10th and 12th June 1998
Spider decided to get into politics, taking Alf's position on the Council as an independent. However, he was incredibly rude about Alf's legacy which convinced Audrey that she should stand as opposition. Natalie accused Sally of making the hoax phone call, leading to a blistering row, and she returned to Samantha and apologised for thinking it was her. Samantha continued to be absolutely demented by going to Sally and telling her that Natalie and Kevin were planning on running off with her inheritance. It was enough to convince Sal to walk out on him with the girls and move in with Rita. Kevin was, naturally, baffled. Zoe returned to the Street and went to Judy and told her what she'd learned in therapy. Zoe promised not to tell anyone, but Judy worried that she was lying, and confessed everything to Gary. He walked out on her in disgust.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 14th and 15th June 1998
Janice was sick of Les outside in his van and tried to get it moved on by the police. The constable was interested to hear Les was in charge of a vehicle, since he had a ban on driving. Les removed the wheels on the caravan to try and avoid the charge but he was livid that Janice put the police onto him. Leanne told him that Janice would take him back if he was nice to her, so he gave her flowers while I'm Not In Love played and carried her off for a good time. Kevin told Des why Sally had left him and they realised Samantha was playing them all for a mug. They went round to have a go but Alec interrupted and she put on the tears and he defended her. She then said that Natalie had accused him of groping her at the Rovers but she told him about Samantha's many, many, many lies. On top of that, Des found her cat - at Samantha's. Alec fired her, but she quit, and rode off on her motorbike - but not before telling Des she really was pregnant and she was off with his baby. He said he'd never know if that was true. To be honest I'm glad to see her go; Samantha went from being a strong, independent woman to an absolutely demented lunatic with absolutely nothing in the way of realistic characterisation. Fortunately Tina Hobley went on to much better things outside of the show.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 17th and 19th June 1998
Alec told Sally all about Samantha's lies and convinced her that Kevin wasn't planning on leaving. There was a part of her that was disappointed and she realised she was miserable. She returned to number 13 and Kevin suggested they go on holiday. To Florida. The following week. He arranged it all and even got time off for her from Mike Baldwin. Des went to see Natalie and they kissed; he'd decided he wanted to be with her. Leanne felt guilty about Darren being imprisoned but Nicky was unrepentant. She went to see him in Strangeways but he called her evil. He said if she really felt guilty she'd tell the police about their letters leading him on, but Nicky understandably refused to have anything to do with it. I wonder if he ever got out? Maybe he could come back to the show - no, hang on, the Tilsley-Battersbys are involved in way too much criminal nonsense already, let's not add to it. Fred was managing Audrey's campaign, calling her the Eva Peron of Weatherfield, which doesn't sound like a compliment to be honest. They walked down the Street and Fred kicked Les's camper van in disgust - only for it to fall off its blocks and topple over. They legged it quick.
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 21st and 22nd June 1998
Spider needed people to nominate him for his council bid and Toyah stepped up. However, she wasn't old enough, and so she conned Gail into signing it instead. Gail also signed Audrey's nomination form. However, Spider realised he wasn't on the electoral roll, so he couldn't stand. Fortunately Emily had signed him up behind his back because Emily is the best. Gary finally returned to Judy and said he didn't think he loved her any more. She showed him her scan and revealed she was having twins and he forgave her. Roy received a letter from Hayley; she was now living in Amsterdam. He was touched by her lovely letter and ashamed of his behaviour towards her. Leanne was still angry with Nicky for putting an innocent man in prison. She tried to appeal to Gail, but Gail said she could never forgive him for killing Brian - meh, nobody really misses him - and Nicky was adamant. He said if she did anything to help Darren it'd be the end of them as a couple.
FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 24th and 26th June 1998
Roy told Alma that Hayley had finished her transition and was in Amsterdam. She urged him to visit her and he rushed around getting his first passport. Vera decided to hire a replacement for Sam, but she didn't want a young sexy barmaid. Alec wanted a saucepot though so he asked an actress friend to apply for the job and try it on with Jack. He convinced Vera that older women would find Jack attractive but young girls wouldn't. Vera agreed, and hired a young person - except it was a man. The Tilsleys confessed to winding Darren up, and the policeman basically said, ah well, never mind. And that was the end of that, which felt like a massive waste of time. Audrey took her nomination form to the council, where a young Diggory Compton told her that he couldn't accept it because he'd already got Gail as Spider's nominee. Alec was forced to rush out into the street to grab a passer by but it made Audrey determined to fight even harder for the position.
The author hasn't been abroad for two years now so he's thrilled that next week's episodes will feature the beautiful canals of Amsterdam - and the return of Hayley! Send a special brownie to him on Twitter @merseytart.
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