When is bins? Look, make your mind up, residents of Coronation and Mawdsley Streets. Is it brown bin day or green bin day or even blue day? You can't just leave them all out, clogging up the ginnel and making a mess. And what is going in those bins? Blue seems to be rubbish, but that brown bin has a black bag next to it (which the bin men will ignore, but never mind, the foxes will have ripped it apart before they get there anyway). So why is there only one blue bin then? Are you recycling or not? Where is your glass and paper going? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Yes, I am avoiding writing about Abi and Peter and the morphine. Was Peter being sponsored by the word "meeting" this week? It was in every other line of dialogue, when he wasn't doing impressions of Churchill the dog and giving Carla the runaround. Come to a meeting, join me at a meeting, the meetings are great, the meetings definitely aren't a cult, the meetings are wonderful, all hail the meetings, MEETINGS. And after all that I'm not even sure Abi bothered going.
It's Cherry's Jubilee. I mean, if you name your daughter Cherry, what do you expect she'll turn out to do for a living - investment banker? I really want to know what her rates were. Nicky charged £150 an hour, but that was for the full cardigan and perfume experience. Cherry's just nodding unenthusiastically while someone blathers on about their dull life; I know Jeremy Vine gets paid a lot of money to do that on Channel 5 but I imagine in real life it's a lot less lucrative. Whatever it was, it wasn't enough for her to feign interest in Daniel wanging on about Bertie's walk to the park for an hour. I say an hour; they didn't tell us how long the two of them had been Skyping, and I can fully believe it was three minutes and she was already nodding off.
Unfortunately this storyline took a turn in the closing minutes of Friday's episode. Nicky had turned up in the Bistro with a client at the same time as Daniel - as Harry Hill would say, what are the chances of that happening - and he led some sort of creepy bidding war to try and get her to come round to his flat and eat his pulled pork (not a euphemism). When the police stopped to intervene in what was a perfectly innocuous barney, Nicky sent him away, not wanting to get him involved and shouting "think of Bertie!". Yes, it seems Nicky is that most tired of cliches, the Hooker With A Heart Of Gold, and rather than putting Daniel at a distance because he's very close to wearing her skin as a dress, she's doing it because she cares too much. Gross.
On the plus side, we got the return of Sleazy Ray, winding up some poor chump called Baz and smirking gleefully at Daniel's desperation. Now that's how to be a charming scumbag; take notes, Gary Windass.
Let's get ready to RHUUUMMMMBLE. The Winters twins turned 30 this week and Paul finally got his surprise party. After all the build up it was a bit disappointing - Gemma simply scraped the party food section of Freshco into her trolley then whacked it in some bowls. It wasn't exactly Bianca Jagger riding into Studio 54 on a white horse, put it that way. The gifts for the pair were, let's say, varied. Chesney bought Gemma a toaster, and not even a four slot, a mangy two. If my life partner bought me a household appliance for a landmark birthday that household appliance would be almost immediately wedged inside one of his bodily orifices. Birthdays are for treats and indulgences, not restocking the kitchen. Fortunately Paul was a lot better off. Gemma got him a signed photo of PJ and Duncan (leading Summer to note "they look like Ant and Dec") and the twins celebrated by doing the Let's Get Ready To Rhumble dance.
Do you know when that song came out? 1994. Meaning Gemma and Paul were barely 4 when it hit the charts. Obviously its cultural shadow is long and significant, but I find it hard to believe that the twins were doing the full choreographed dance in nursery. Steps, that's who Paul should've been a fan of; they hit it big in 1997, and so he'd have been the perfect age to put on The Box and video the dances and try to learn the moves. Also, Steps are much gayer.
Meanwhile Billy presented him with a tacky bracelet, leading to a confession that he would marry Paul if they could do it in a church. A bit surprising to hear, but welcome; that's the closest we've ever got to a decent theological discourse on Paul and Billy's relationship. By and large the show treats Billy being a vicar as just another job, rather than dealing with any issues to do with the church or religion. They've never dealt with how his parishioners feel about him having homosexual relations above a florist with a former jailbird, for example. For the record, the C of E does frown upon gay weddings, but it's fine with civil partnerships, though they do ask that the relationships are entirely celibate. I am absolutely sure that Billy and Paul are in a sexless relationship, and definitely aren't rogering one another on a nightly basis and forcing Summer to put her headphones on to spare her blushes. Apparently Billy would prefer to simply shack up with a bloke than make an honest man of him. Or perhaps he's just keeping his options open in case the All New Todd's really hot.
Just say it. Johnny's back, but why he's been off in a sulk remains a mystery. I know that this show would be about eight minutes long if everyone was honest with one another but Friday's Corrie really pushed its luck. Jenny and Johnny had a long indepth chat about what was on his mind, without him ever actually coming out with it, and then a beer delivery arrived and that was it apparently. Then Scott, who I'd hoped we'd seen the last of, reappeared with all sort of vague statements about "what we did" and possibly threatening Johnny, but it was all euphemism and no actual facts. "What was your first thought when you saw me again?" Scott And His Rubbish Name asked, and I think we all remember:
It was quick, do an impression of Mad-Eye Moody. (And thanks to @corriepodcast for that gif). Then the show ended, and the mystery rolled on into another week. I'm not really looking forward to the show going back to six episodes but at least then I might have found out after half an hour not an entire weekend. Please feel free to conjecture in the comments about what exactly Scott and Johnny did that he doesn't want to get out. Personally I'm leaning towards a concert tour of the Falkland Islands doing a Hinge and Bracket tribute act but you may have other ideas.
Everybody needs a hobby. Sean's discovered a great new forum to meet like-minded folk; it's a missing persons website, where you can scan the lists of unidentified corpses for loved ones. According to Sean "they find bodies every single day" so at least he'll never get bored. He claimed he was doing it to hunt for Todd, but he found that forum remarkably fast, making me think he already had it bookmarked on his phone. Sean also talked to a mate at the homeless shelter to ask if they'd seen anyone who looked like Todd. While he was there, he probably should've asked them about Carol, the homeless girl who helped him with food and shelter when he was on the streets and who he dropped like a stone when he got somewhere to live again. She's probably dead in a ditch by now but Sean could've asked. Still, at least we got confirmation this week that Todd is no longer on the run from the police, thanks to Craig breaking confidentiality again. He's sort of a terrible policeman really. He does his best but it takes only the tiniest bit of prodding and he immediately spills all sorts of secrets he absolutely shouldn't. Craig told Sean and Billy all about Todd's interview and they hadn't even asked. Perhaps he should go back to street art - the pay might not be as good, but at least he's not jeopardising the nation's security.
One of these five things was going to be about Debbie Webster, but all the author could manage was typing "YAS QUEEN" and "FIERCE" over and over, so it got dropped. Perhaps he'll churn out something a bit more coherent next week. Remind him over on Twitter @merseytart, would you?
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7 comments:
“Chill your beans, Annie Lennox!” Abi’s comment your Debbie. Loved that.
I have to say I’m really intrigued by the Scott mystery. At first I thought Johnny and Scott were gay lovers and we’d have an Uncle Brynn and Jason fishing trip type situation going on, but now I’m convinced there’s something more sinister at play. Scott referred to himself as a lunatic. Could he be a homicidal maniac wanting revenge on Johnny and those dearest to him? Yes please, sounds gripping to me!
Whatever Johnny and Scott have done, it’s got to be something that’s going to have a profound effect on the other characters because let’s face it, Jenny’s not going to care if Johnny burgled a house or stole a packet of Haribo from a supermarket is she?
My theory is Scott and Johnny were drug dealers and Scott took things too far by beating someone to death who owed them money or something. We’ve seen evidence of Scott’s violent streak when he beat up Carla’s blackmailers. I imagine Johnny fled the scene, leaving Scott to take the rap. Maybe Scott’s only just been released from the slammer which is why it’s taken him all this time to track Johnny down. Scott’s resentful of the life Johnny’s built for himself and wants to bring it all crashing down as revenge for leaving him to take the fall for the crime all those years ago.
I think Scott’s protectiveness towards Carla is due to a guilty conscience. We know Johnny and Scott knew Carla’s mother so it’s likely they supplied her with drugs and were the reason she became an addict. Carla had a crappy upbringing because of her mother’s addiction so Scott probably feels a degree of culpability and responsibility for that, which explains why he feels the need to protect her now.
Could you imagine the fallout if this theory turns out to be true? Jenny will be disgusted when she finds out the man she married isn’t the respectable businessman he claims to be and Carla’s going to be equally furious to learn Johnny was responsible for getting her mother hooked on drugs which led to Carla having an awful upbringing.
What do you guys think?
Er Scott may not be her real name. It's not unknown for escorts to user false names.
Think? I think you should be a scriptwriter yourself, that's what I think. I am going to be very disappointed if your theory doesn't come true.
I had wondered if their shared history was something sinister, like a murder.
I would be delighted if this storyline somehow involved Rob Donovan, and he had to be featured in the programme again.
I think Scott is Carlas twin......and only Johnny knows that Scott was adopted out as a baby.
Anon 16:30 what a wonderful theory! Hope it turns out to be true.
Just adding to it, what if Scott met Rob Donovan in prison and that's how he knew where to find Johnny?
Would love Rob to be brought back to the show, even if it's just Carla visiting him inside. He was a fab character.
Surely there's a mahoosive age difference between Carla and Scott?
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