Emily was studiously avoiding a self-flagellating Percy Sugden in favour of wandering round an art gallery with Mr Bronson. He'd previously told her that he was separated, but Derek confided to Mavis that he was quite a bit more married than he said. Mavis passed this info on to Emily, who basically said "don't care", the brazen hussy. The mystery of the Rovers' short tills was solved when Vera deduced Jack was losing his sight. This was apparently an affront to his manhood, no, his very existence, and he had to be physically dragged to the opticians. There was then a lengthy and quite bizarre sequence where we went through the entire process of having your eyes tested; it was like a public information film, or a training video for Specsavers. And Curly Watts attempted to update Alf with what the kids these days were in to by rapping in the middle of the Mini Mart. It was absolutely horrific and could possibly be classed as a hate crime.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 3rd and 5th April 1989
There was a new face at the garage as Kevin finally got some help in the form of Mark Casey, the son of the boss. He was a cocky jack-the-lad who sloped off at the first opportunity, but because his dad was the owner, Kev didn't feel confident about punishing him - until Tom came round and gave him permission to give his son a boot up the backside. Percy spotted Mr Bronson in Heaton Park with his wife, but in a rare moment of decency, he didn't mention it to Emily. There was no need, as Mr Bronson confessed he was getting back with his missus of his own accord; a grateful Emily decided not to force Percy out on the streets. Boo. The saga of Jack's eyesight rolled on, as Vera picked up his glasses for him; he tried them on in the Rovers to Tina and Betty's general amusement. Above the shop though, it was the end of Curly and Shirley. He was under enormous pressure as he studied for his finals, so she decided to alleviate it by throwing a birthday party the night before his exam. Unsurprisingly he was distinctly unamused and threw everyone out. Shirley decided they were from different worlds and went back to her mum's. Much like Brian and Gail's separation, this all came out of nowhere - they were happily going to Shirley's mum for the bank holiday in Monday's episodes. Jack's specs were better developed.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 10th and 12th April 1989
I've deliberately not mentioned Mavis and Derek's hunt for a suburban bolt hole on the grounds that it is incredibly tedious. However it finally reached an end of sorts as they had their bid for a semi accepted, just as Derek was approved for the executive pension scheme. Jenny got a visiting order for Alan at Risley Remand Centre, which she insisted on chatting gaily about to Rita in the most inconsiderate fashion. Obviously our Reet was deeply upset by this, worried that Alan would turn Jenny against her. Equally obviously, he tried to do exactly that, asking his daughter to get Rita to downplay the serious assault, fraud and attempted murder. Jenny was appalled by his selfishness, noting that he didn't even ask her how she was. It's almost as if he's an amoral psychopath! Kevin finally snapped and sacked Mark for his lazy behaviour, so his dad came down and told him to take him back. Kevin told him no, he's a layabout, and then changed his mind and gave Mark his job back for no apparent reason. Poor heartbroken Curly was pursuing Shirley, asking why she'd left and begging her to come back. She wouldn't have it and finally upped sticks and left the show. And there went Corrie's first black character, leaving the cast as white as polar bears in a snowstorm.
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 17th and 19th April 1989
The first episode opened with Mr and Mrs Wilton jogging in matching tracksuits like Howard and Hilda, so frankly the rest of the show was a disappointment. Derek was being an absolute beast, saying that executives didn't have working wives and demanding Mavis gave up her job in the Kabin. It was mainly motivated by him catching Mave decorating the shop window with her skirt halfway up her thigh, looking more Rotterdam than Rosamund Street. Rita was rightfully furious at this man inconsiderately stomping over his wife, and told him what she thought of him in the middle of the Rovers. A depressed Curly had locked himself in his flat, leading to Audrey ghoulishly wondering if he'd topped himself ("that's a gas oven upstairs, isn't it?") and Alf worrying about his bank balance ("I'll be liable for paying for that gas"). It didn't help that Curly was three weeks behind on his rent. Both Emily and Kevin offered to pay it off, until Martin gave Curly a good talking to and he came back to Earth. A bored Bet went out with Stella Rigby's awful lecherous husband Paul, and when Betty and Jack pursed their lips and pulled judgemental faces, she went out with him again just to show them. For some reason she did it dressed as a Blackpool drag queen, complete with feather boa. Meanwhile Percy was distracted by Hitler's upcoming hundredth birthday, because he's a mad old ghoul. "Are you sending him a card?" Audrey enquired. Percy: "Of course not. He's dead!"
FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 24th and 26th April 1989
Who's this wafting into the cafe on a cloud of Poison by Christian Dior? It's Alma, escorting a builder into the cafe while dressed as Dorian from Birds of a Feather. She was suffering cashflow problems so she had to downsize to the flat - and it looked like she'd have to forcefully retire Phyllis and take her job as well. Derek's medical came through and revealed he had heart problems. It meant his executive promotion was off, because they didn't want to overstress him, so it appeared the ongoing cold war between Rita and Mavis over Mrs Wilton's resignation was all for nothing. Outraged, Derek tried to smooth things over with DP, and ordered Marsha from Spaced to take a memo in which he told his boss the transfer was unacceptable. They misinterpreted it as a resignation and sent him on his way. Stella Rigby turned up to drip innuendo laden acid into Bet's ear about the scrubber he was seeing. Paul Rigby subsequently tried it on with Bet, much to her outrage, but she still went out for a meal with him because she wanted a bit of fun and didn't care about her reputation - "been in tatters for years. Lost cause." The problem was, while she was out for a meal, Alec phoned. He was at Manchester Airport, and would be back at the Rovers in half an hour...
To contact the author, either get Mavis to hoik up her skirt and stick a postcard in the window of the Kabin, or send him a message on Twitter @merseytart.
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