Coronation Street Blog: Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Saturday, 16 July 2022

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

You're not the only people in the world. A nice middle aged couple are sat in the corner of the bistro, well away from Phill and Fiz, minding their own business. "Darling, I brought you to our favourite restaurant because I have something to tell you."

"YO NO SOY MARINERO!"

"It's a bit sensitive..."

"YO NO SOY MARINERO, SOY CAPITAN!"

"...I'm afraid I slept with someone else..."

"SOY CAPITAN!"

"...your sister in fact..."

"SOY CAPITAN!"

"...and she's pregnant..."

"BAMBA, BAMBA!"

"...and I caught syphilis."

"BAMBA, BAMBA! BAMBA, BAMBA! PARA BAILER LA BAMBA!"

Families suck. Dylan's back! Remember when Sean was swindling people across Weatherfield so he could afford a flat for his little family, and then Covid hit and everything went quiet? Well, Liam McCheyne's mum and dad have finally let him go back to work which means Sean gets to play being daddy for the summer (not like that). Where Dylan is sleeping is another matter. There's Eileen and Mary upstairs while Todd and Sean are sharing the front room. Are they top and tailing or is Dylan on a sleeping bag on the floor?

Damon from Brookside Frank doesn't seem mad keen to meet Dylan. This is being presented as another facet of his selfish evil personality, but personally I'm with him. He's a middle aged gay man who's gone decades without having to be near a child. Children are dirty and messy and noisy and full of germs; if you're not actually related to them they're awful. And this one's a teenager, the vilest form of pre-adults. Frank's got art galleries to go to and nice restaurants to eat in - he doesn't want to be wedged in the corner of a Hungry Horse while Dylan complains that he doesn't like anything on the menu and he didn't want to come out in the first place anyway and he wishes he'd never been BORN. As soon as he realises Dylan is a permanent returnee to the Street Frank will drop Sean and find himself a boyfriend who doesn't have to get a babysitter in before he hits Canal Street. It'll the first time Sean will have been dumped for something other than his horrible personality.

With age comes experience. Corrie is filmed a few weeks before it's aired, which is why while the UK baked in possibly illegal temperatures Weatherfield was overcast and even a little rainy. To try and give the impression that they exist in the same timeframe as the rest of Britain however they make the cast dress appropriately for when the show goes out. Kirk, Michael and Fiz all went out to watch Phill's embarrassing display wearing summer-inspired outfits. Sally, however, seemingly paused to go to her locker and fetch her coat. Clearly Sally Dynevor MBE has earned the right to wrap up against the weather and I applaud her refusal to get chilled to the bone in the name of art.

Rules are made to be broken. Stephen continued to wheedle his way into the lives of the Platts, holding a trust fund for Audrey's inheritance (which won't be an issue until she actually dies David so calm down) and presenting Sarah-Lou with a fantastic deal on silk from his factory in Milan. Carla disapproved, and nixed the deal, warning Sarah-Lou that "working with family complicates things". That's Carla Barlow, who's married to Peter, whose nephew is Adam, who is married to... Sarah-Lou. That's Carla who inherited her first share of the factory from her dead husband and worked with her brother in law. Then shared ownership with her husband Tony Gordon. And her husband Peter Barlow. And her brother Rob Donovan. And her brother Aidan and her father Johnny. Basically there's only been about eight months in the entire course of Carla's time as proprietor of Underworld where she hasn't shared ownership with at least one family member. Perhaps if she followed her own advice and brought in a competent business person as her partner instead of whoever she shares a surname with that week the factory wouldn't be constantly on the verge of bankruptcy.

There's a Grand Design on its way. Ronnie offered his brother a foolproof business proposition: they build a small development of houses on a plot of land and reap at least £80,000 each in profits. (Is that what Ronnie does for a living? Is he a property developer? Why can nobody tell me?) Ronnie would buy the land and then Ed and Paul would work for free to build the houses and get a share of the rewards. Two people building four houses doesn't seem right to me, not to mention I query their skillset - judging by the way Ed was electrocuted by a radiator I'm guessing neither of them are qualified sparks. And while Ed can probably coast by on his savings - he must have sold that house Grace was living in, or at the very least is renting it out, even though it's not been mentioned for months - Paul has rent to pay and food to put on his table, and I'm not sure Dev will take an IOU. He seemed very enthusiastic mind, leaping in with ideas about a communal garden and prodding the architect's plans like he was Kevin McCloud.

To be honest I may have missed some of the more nuanced elements of their Top Business Chat because...

...Gemma was stood behind the bar of the Rovers...

...jamming paper towels down her bra...

...for no real reason at all.

Later on she gave Phill a packet of crisps on the house to cheer him up and once again pulled them from her bosom. Now I'm imagining her bra is like Mary Poppins' carpet bag, filled with wondrous items, and at any time she can whip out a hatstand and a tea set.

Although it should be noted that we didn't actually see anyone eat those crisps, which I think is probably wise if Jenny wants to keep her five star food hygiene rating.

Can someone on Twitter @merseytart provide me with the contact details of that little girl who found Maria to be an inspiring political force? Because I want to make sure she is registered as legally insane and is never given the vote.