Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Sunday, 3 July 2022

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Let it go.  I'm going to put this in writing here, for the avoidance of doubt.  If any doctors or surgeons want to play around with my unconscious body, I'm ok with that.  So long as I'm under general anaesthetic and I come out of the operation with whatever was broken all fixed up, I don't care what you do.  Put me in amusing poses for a selfie.  Dangle me off the roof by my feet.  Use me as a prop in a stage production of Weekend At Bernie's.  If I don't know about it, I'm fine with it.

In short, I really don't care about Peter and his vendetta against Thorne.  You got a new liver Pete, stop whining.  You know somebody died to donate that liver, don't you?  Someone had a much worse experience than you.  All you got was an organ making a guest appearance in a surgeon's Facebook status.  Who cares?  Certainly Ken and Carla seem to have had enough of it all, grimacing every time he starts banging on about it again.  Peter even tried introducing a whole class warfare angle to try and get Ken's interest but nope, nobody cares, suck it up Pete and get back to work.

Speaking of people who need to get over things, I wish George would stop whining about Frank being evil.  He was a bully forty years ago mate.  I was the leading light of my school, the Boy Most Likely To, and here I am spending my Sunday writing about a soap opera in my pants; a lot changes after you graduate.  Maybe Frank really is a nice person now.  Actually no, obviously he isn't, because we've reached that point where the bluff has gone on for so long that George is apologising and saying "maybe I'm wrong" which, by the laws of continuing drama, means that Frank is probably going to go psycho any minute.  With any luck he'll smack Sean about a bit on his way out the door.

There's only one beverage that matters at Roy's.

Camomile and lavender TEA?  Come right in!

Iced hibiscus and strawberry TEA!  Help yourself!

Green TEA!  Anything for you sir!


Everything old is new again.  The popularity of Classic Corrie on ITV3 has finally fed through into the main show as we're getting an overload of nostalgic returns.  There was Wendy Crozier a couple of weeks ago (yes, I know that's not her name now but come on), then Stephen turned up at exactly the right moment to pull Audrey out from under a motorbike.  I will say, these aren't exactly top drawer guest stars.  Wendy flamin' Crozier is always unwelcome, and Stephen has been a charisma free zone for thirty years now.  His only purpose is to turn up and whisk errant Platts off to foreign climes for a while; he's not much of a character.

Now we've got Spider back, dressed like Dobby the House Elf and answering some sort of environmental bush telegraph system so he could get involved with Toyah's protesting.  I realise this is a blasphemy, but I was never really a fan of Spider: along with the Battersbys and the Cult of Nirab he signalled the point where Corrie stopped being the everyday tale of Northern folk and went a bit desperate for attention.  It's nice to have him back for Toyah's sake, though; let's never forget this is the man who took her virginity in a tent during an eclipse, so there's probably some kind of arcane magick linking them.  Let's hope they've learned the lesson from when they brought back Sharon Gaskell and made her awful and haven't decided to ruin him.

What's that?  He's hissing "the plan's still on... let's do this" into his phone the minute Toyah's back is turned?  That probably means he's gone EVIL and is now a taser-wielding gangster, though I hope he's actually talking to Auntie Em up in Scotland.  She's told him to go back to number 3 and retrieve Ernest's piano and God help the Baileys if they stand in his way.

The geeks shall inherit the earth.  Liam turned 13 this week.  I know!  It seems like only yesterday Maria was squeezing him out on Ainsdale Beach with his dad's murderer as the midwife.  As a reward, he got a Star Trek themed birthday party in the Bistro.  This is the first we've heard of Liam's Trekkie leanings but I for one welcome it.  Kids in Corrie are always rebellious and dangerous and causing havoc.  It's about time we got a teenager in the show who actually reflects the experience of the vast majority of British youth - i.e. is really quite dull and awkward.  I want Liam to be quite reliably ordinary, to spend his evenings on internet forums talking about the Khitomer Accords, to get all dressed up for Comic-Con.  I want him to bore Kelly rigid with his in-depth theories on how Voyager seemingly had endless torpedoes even though they were trapped in the Delta Quadrant light years away from a Starbase.  Yes, I'm a Trek fan myself, how did you guess?  I'll tell you one thing though, I wouldn't have put up with this intermingling of different costumes: we've got Original Series, Next Generation and Lower Decks versions up there.  I seriously wanted a scene of Liam stamping his foot and refusing to appear in the family photo until Gary returned dressed in a skant.  

I'll only briefly touch on Maria's ongoing recycling nightmare, because it is a nonsense on about four hundred different levels, but I will say that if you don't want people to know where you live, maybe don't run for office, because your home address is written on the ballot paper and is probably on the Council website?  And if you still don't want to be doxxed, maybe don't stand outside your front door with an easily identifiable tram stop right behind you and film a video calling everyone on the internet a sad loser?  

Mamma Mimi, Here We Go Again!  Look out everyone: Mimi's back!  She arrived on the Street to cause havoc ahead of Fiz's wedding, which is next week apparently.  Fiz was constantly complaining about how much there was to do - yeah, there will be when you give yourself about six weeks to organise everything.  What's the rush?  Anyway Mimi arrived to "lend a hand" and we got what we'd sorely missed last time she was in the programme: an encounter with Evelyn.  They carried out a proxy war via their dogs, with Cerberus apparently causing Mimi to bruise a hip while Coco scoffed a dinner that wasn't hers.  I demand two things from this storyline and I will not be happy unless they occur:
  1. Dame Maureen Lipman and Margot Leicester spend every single minute of next week's episodes exchanging unsubtle barbs, cruel put-downs, and camp eye rolls, culminating in the two women throwing wedding cake at one another and ruining everything;
  2. Cerberus gets Coco pregnant and they have a load of mongrel puppies that are adorable yet annoying.  (Actually Coco might be a boy; if that's the case Coco should hump Cerberus at inappropriate moments).
It's not much to ask Corrie.  Be honest, you'd much rather watch that then Summer banging on about her insulin again.  (Oh, and Mimi made a big deal about how wonderful oolong is.  Were this week's episodes sponsored by the Tea Council or what?)

Five Things took a brief break while I had Covid.  I'm fine now, but one of the symptoms of long Covid appears to be a rattling intolerance for literally everything Sean says.  Unless that's perfectly normal?  I'd appreciate it if a doctor could contact me on Twitter @merseytart.

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popcorn said...

Yes, not being a fan of Spider IS blasphemy. Love your bits on Mimi and Evelyn.

Anonymous said...

As someone who has been fortunate enough to receive an organ donation [cornea transpalnt]I agree with Peter continuing his vendetta.
Dr Thorne's selfie qith a vulnerable patient who was under was unprofessional to say the least and anything could have happened to Peter.
There could have been complicatiions which would lead to an infection or perhaps even the body rejecting the liver.Then what?
Oops sorry Mr Barlow?!
I also wonder how would Ken and Carla feel if Peter died on the table due to the selfie?
Spider has clearly made himself at Toyah's and I wonder why there was no mention about 'Aunty Em'?

Sharon boothroyd said...

Great to have you back scott! Glad you're feeling better. Your 5 things is my weekly tonic!

Anonymous said...

Well Scott considering that Thorne rushed Peter's surgery for a bet I think on balance Peter has every right to be mad.

Anonymous said...

I watched last week for the first time in weeks or shall i say skip watched and only really saw spiders scenes. Good to have him back but are we about to witness a likeable character brought back and turned into a baddie?

Anonymous said...

Ps good to have your five things back

Anonymous said...

Love your blog. I’ve stopped watching for a few weeks now, the storylines had become just too tedious, but you’re making me feel like I should be tuning in again. Problem is I’m also addicted to Classic Corrie and just don’t have the time for both! Thanks for your consistently funny recaps. Please can you start doing the classic Corrie ones again?

Fluttershy said...

There's a difference between doing something quickly and rushing it. It really doesn't matter how long a surgeon takes to do an operation, providing he does a proper job. My decorator said it'd take 3 days to decorate my house, he did it in two and did a lovely job - why would I be mad at him?

Sharon boothroyd said...

To add - I agree- I love Mimi and Evelyn together. Why didn't anyone suggest that Mimi stay at The Rovers?
Perhaps there's not enough rooms with Jenny, Daisy, Ronnie and Leo living there?
I'm still puzzled why Toyah has been let out on bail for murder.
Sorry to be petty but isn't that a serious offence? I thought people charged with that would be on remand until their court trial.
I'd like to know how Simon occupies his time on a daily basis and yes, I feel that Peter has banged his drum about Thorne for too long.
The Maria trolling is not convincing. She wants to bring a new bin for glass - why would people hate her for that? It's hardly overthrowing the government stuff, is it?
It's great to see Spider back. I hope he's not a baddie by yes it's strange that there's no mention of aunty Em.

Mags said...

Thank God you're back Scott - you were much missed, 5 things is one of the highlights of my week!

Anonymous said...

Yeah there's a difference between redecorating someone's house and performing surgery, the fact is Thorne rushed Peter's surgery for a bet anything could have gone wrong. Thorne needlessly took a risk for nothing more than his ego.

Anonymous said...

Scott welcome back! You were missed, I look forward to reading your blog. Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

Me too. The quality in the classic one really make the current things look rubbish

Anonymous said...

Toyah lost her virginity to Dobber Dobson, well before the tent collapse.


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