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Monday 24 March 2008

Coronation Street Weekly Update, March 24 2008

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. Come in, sit down, put your feet up and take the weight off your face. Relaxed? Settled in? Without any further ado and in true Ramones style, hey-ho, let’s go, and crack on with this week’s Coronation Street update.

It’s been a funny old week for Corrie this week. I wasn’t sure if the writers had eaten too much sugar on the Easter break or whether spring fever had hit the writing room but there was some very weird stuff going on indeed. We were given insights we’d never been given before. Did you know Amy was off her yoghurt? Me neither. Did you know Kirk once wanted a monkey when he was younger and wanted to call it Dirk? It’s a new one on me too. As I said, it’s been a funny week.

Let’s head straight to Weatherfield General where Gail is in solitary confinement in her hospital bed wearing an odd dressing gown and a face full of make-up with a blow-dry hairdo resting on her pillow. It’s amazing what you can get on the NHS these days. She can’t remember what happened or who pushed her which is just as well for David as he gets pulled in to the cop shop and quizzed. Tina lies for David and says he was with her when he was pushing his mother down the stairs. Gail reacts badly to Audrey’s accusations that David was the one who pushed her but Audrey and Bill have got their suspicions, and rightly so. Bill the builder’s got more on his mind as he tries to secure a building contract with Eyeball Tony the Catalogue Man for building work on the new Victoria Street development. Can Bill do it? Yes he can. Whether Tony will give him the work remains to be seen.

Over at the Rovers, all is not well. In addition to Amy being off her yoghurt and wanting to put make-up on Steve, Michelle’s not best pleased.
She’ got a face like a dropped pie (my new favourite expression) when Ryan’s real dad, Nick, takes Ryan away on a surfing holiday to Cornwall. I went to Cornwall once and I’ve never been back. It’s a long way to go from wherever you are. Vernon’s still trying to forge on with his master plan to build a smoker’s shelter in the backyard of the Rovers but when the ever-increasingly-likeable Sean quizzes Vernon on the plans, he admits the builders are in fact a couple of musician mates of his. Apparently, they’re builders-slash-musicians-slash-builders so should at least be able to whistle a decent tune as they swindle Vernon out of Liz’s hard earned cash.

In the pizza place in the precinct, Leanne’s feeling fed up. The restaurant’s losing money and she’s had enough. She jokes to Dan about torching the place up in flames for the insurance money and he thinks she’s mad (she is). These two look set to be an item which means I’ll do a LiaMaria on them and call them LeDanne if they do. Dad Harry finds out from Blanche about Leanne’s past life as an escort girl and doesn’t take too kindly to son Dan copping off with Miss B.

Speaking of Blanche, she’s been kindness itself this week, which as we all know, is very unusual for Mrs Hunt. But I think she sees something in Chesney which she sees in herself, an outcast ready to be put into care at any minute without any warning. When she finds out that Chesney’s coming home from foster care to live with Fiz and Kirk in Cilla’s old house, she pops round with some kind words and footy mags from The Kabin for Ches. Kirk’s overjoyed that Fiz has moved into the house and thinks he’s onto a winner with Fiz back in his life now she's back from her hols. Where's she been? Have a look here to find out. Fiz tries to break it gently to him but there’s no much of “You’re a pillock” that he seems to understand. Ches has been looked after well by his foster parents and even had, with a nod to the Canadian audience, maple syrup on his porridge. I prefer sultanas with mine, or a banana, I’m not that fussed really.

Meanwhile, in Roy’s caf√©, he takes pity on Becky living in the hostel and asks her to move into the flat with him. She’s full of cheeky innuendo and plays Roy up something rotten, bless him. She jokes to anyone who’ll listen that she’s cohabiting with Roy while he’s at pains to point out that she’s lodging in the spare room until Hayley returns. They’re brilliant, Becky and Roy, and together in that flat will take on the world from above the greasy spoon.

And finally this week we learned that Blanche was boycotting her one o’clock club because she’d been asked to jump around to jazzercise. “There are standards,” she moaned to Audrey in the salon. Yes, indeed there are.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Coronation Street writers this week were Mark Burt, Damon Rochefort, Simon Crowther and Peter Whalley.

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