Coronation Street Weekly Update, May 12 2008

Hello and welcome again to another of me updates. Come in, sit down, get comfy with a cuppa and ooh, look, there’s that lovely Teddy Sheringham on the telly. Hang on a minute, I’ll just adjust me biscuits. And now, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

It’s just so wrong but somehow so right. No, not tuna paste toasties, but something much more tasty. It’s Carla and Liam Connor, together at last. If Carla and Liam were sitting in a tree, they’d be s-n-o-g-g-i-n-g. Oh, that doesn’t scan. Never mind. The two dark haired lovelies ended up in each other’s arms this week as Liam struggled to cope with the death of baby Paul. Maria distanced herself from her husband, sure that there was summat going on between him and his sister-in-law and she was right, in a kind of round-about way. But when pressed on the point (ouch!) Liam swore true love to Maria after he admitted feelings for Carla that were in the past. Maria went off like a rocket, packed her bags and moved in with Fiz. Now then, I’m not sure that moving in with Fiz is the best place for poor Maria. The girl’s just gone and lost a baby, buried him in a funeral this week and split up with her husband who’s having a fling with Carla Connor. Does she really need comforting from someone who wears fluoro blue eyeshadow, a permanent grin and gives glib advice: “I bet he’ll come bursting through that door any minute saying ‘Maria, I want you back’ and you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.” I was half expecting Fiz to burst into song with “The sun’ll come out, tumorra!”. Bet your bottom dollar it doesn’t though.

Meanwhile, there’s a house swap to organise as Sally and Claire convince their errant husbands that they want to move house. It was like watching a virtual game of ping pong as Sally and Claire batted their husbands’ balls across the cobbles from the Peacock’s to the Webster’s and back again. Fifteen love, new balls please, raise the net and don’t drink cans of beer in the conservatory, Kevin. “He’s so stubborn, he’d be a typical Taurean if he wasn’t a Virgo,” moaned Sally of her Kev. This is going to be great fun to watch as Sally goes into true Mrs Bucket mode with her ideas of grandeur now that she’s going to have a garden and conservatory. Meanwhile, all Claire’s got to look forward to is a kitchen so small the house will carry the reek of beans for weeks. Mind you, she will have Hilda’s hatch and that’s a gen-you-wine Street antique.

Gail finally came face to face for a heart to heart with her dad on the sofa in her house. Tina was there too, she’d left home after an argument with her mum and she provided the perfect backdrop to Gail’s meeting with Ted. Gail wrongly assumed that Ted had been married and struggled to come to terms with having a gay dad while Tina took it all in her stride and asked right nosy questions. She also took a photo on her phone to show David in the big house on her next visit. “This is, like, gonna do his ‘ead in.” Gail’s head was already done in but she tried to showed how she could be as liberal and open-minded as much as the next middle-aged woman knocked sideways out of her comfort zone. “I’m a Blairite, I voted Blair,” she gasped. Then it was Audrey’s turn to hear Ted’s news when she swanned in looking like Vernonica Lake with her new hairdo for a spot of flirting with Ted. Audrey’s got a new stylist at the salon, a temp called Natasha. There’ll be more on her next week once she’s said more than a couple of lines of script, but so far, so good. This isn't a picture of the new stylist, if you're wondering. It's Veronica Lake.

In the bar of the Rovers, it’s all change as Leanne took the reins behind the bar and started work as the new barmaid. You’ll remember that Leanne once worked behind the Rovers bar before, a nasty business to do with drug dealing and Jez Quigley. This time she’ll have Vernon to fend off and Liz to keep on the right side of. Dan doesn’t quite know what to make of it. When he went to the gents’ loo, Leanne was on the customer side of the bar, when he returned she was behind the bar working and he had that puzzled expression on his face. Mind you, Dan’s so feckless that you could turn him round twice in his own living room and he’d be lost.

As well as minding Maria, Fiz has Julie Carp on her case. Kirk’s new girlfriend inveigles (and that’s a word I’ve never used in an update before; I’m not even sure what it means) her way into Kirk’s life which pushes Fiz’s nose right out. She even starts looking after Chesney, which rankles and irks Fiz no end. And at baby Paul Connor’s funeral, Julie’s free and easy with the tears and has histrionics in the church despite only knowing Kirk five minutes and his sister even less. Say, what, three and a half minutes? Enough time to boil an egg or indeed make a tuna paste toastie. “It’s empathy,” she tells Kirk when he asks why she’s snivelling. “A lot of people have it. Princess Diana had it too.”

And finally this week, Becky’s guardian angel in an anorak (aka Roy) doesn’t quite know what to make of Becky’s relationship with Jason. He does however, know what to say to Jason and gives him a stern talking to, reminds him that he’s still a married man and warns him to stop messing with Becky. Roy then worries he’s old fashioned and arcane. And indeed he is, and that’s just the way we like him.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Coronation Street writers this week were Martin Sterling, David Lane, Joe Turner, Debbie Oates and Simon Crowther.

Glenda
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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/