Happy New Year! Will it be a happy one for the residents of Weatherfield? Without reading the spoilers, I'm going to guess: no.
First up for some misery are Nina and Roy. The latter is still refusing to use his mobile phone (I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure we've seen Roy at some point using a cellphone, although it was an old school Nokia rather than a smartphone) and so when the bat meeting is cancelled, no-one has any way of getting in touch with him as he is already on his way to the meeting point (shame you can't train bats like pigeons to carry messages). Roy obviously hasn't watched any of those 1970s Dark Water public safety information films and he slips and slides into the mud and drops his flask in the pond. Arriving at the scene, Nina assumes he is in the water, runs down to the water's edge, slips, falls into the pond, hits her head on a (polystyrene) brick and is out cold. Brian, who has been repurposed lately from self-involved bore to selfless hero, performs CPR on her, Asha calls an ambulance and Nina's off to Kate Oates Memorial Hospital. The upshot is that Roy promise to carry his phone and Asha decides she's going to train to become a paramedic. I hear there are vacancies! Lots of them! We never find out if Roy saw any bats though.
Who else wants a bit of trauma and pain? What about Summer? She and Billy are doing Veganuary but a better NY resolution for Summer would be to try to be less of a plank. I really thought we were having a summer break but here we are back with the creepy Christians and also some bailiffs who take the TV as Mesther maxed out their credit cards trying to buy Summer's baby. Just like Mary and Joseph did back in 0 AD! The ensuing row leads Mike to stomp off to the Bistro and try and chat up Leanne, who isn't very impressed. I do wonder if the end of this annoying storyline will be Mike trying to have a baby with Summer the old-fashioned way, Summer tells Esther who kicks out her husband, Summer returns to the fold and isn't in the programme for 2 months.
The Platt school holiday childcare plan involves Lily standing behind the counter in the cafe whilst Shona fries bacon and tries to avoid being splashed by hot fat. I suppose it could be worse, she could be playing with a cut-throat razor in Trim Up North. Lily has received new headphones/earbuds for Xmas and she watches one of Max's racist videos. This is the recruitment plan in Weatherfield's branch of the Griff Youth - send vids to your 9 year old sister. Fortunately, Lily decides not to become a white supremacist, but instead go to a child's football camp at an unnamed London ladies team (Dagenham and Redbridge? Kingstonian?) for 6 weeks with Shona as chaperone. Finally Shona/Julia has a maternity leave plan! Although six weeks sounds quite stingy.
Gemma has decided that she wants to get married and drags Ches off to the Bistro to talk canapés and seat coverings. Chesney thinks they can't afford it. What about registry office, mid week, 2 guests and then sarnies at the Rovers? You'd have change out of £100. Anyway, forget any Chemma nuptials, same sex marriage has been legal since 2014: isn't it about time we had the full LGBTQ works at the Chariot Hotel (other venues are available)? Sean would make an excellent Groomzilla.
And finally, Teddy wakes up from his coma but has developed Convenient Soap Amnesia Syndrome.
Rachel Stevenson - on twitter
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2 comments:
I must admit that I'm getting fed- up of Summer, Mike and Esther.
Shona - yes, we noticed the clever camera angles that concealed Julia's baby bump.
Now the actress who plays Fizz has announced her third pregnancy, so Fizz will need yet another exit plot.
I thought that wedding gown had hidden a pregnancy!
Yes, why not book the registry office, have 2 witnesses, and a few sarnies at the rovers, Gemma? I suppose she wants big, showy do - in other words, the chariot square hotel that used to be the set of that residential home.
I've just read in Inside Soap mag that the 'Will they/ won't they' romance between Brian and Mary is going to drag on.
I can't wait.. I don't think they'd make a good couple myself.
He'd be irritated by her stories abut mother and she'd be disappointed, as he's not romantic enough.
Rachel - thanks for being the martyr and continuing to confirm to we lapsed viewers that we made the right decision to sacrifice 18 minutes of purgatory for a two-minute read of your well thought words!
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