Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

HAT!  Congratulations to Sally Dynevor for her MBE in the New Year's Honours list.  I think we can all agree that this is merely an interim award before her inevitable Damehood.  To celebrate her honour, Sally whipped out a hat that sent Twitter aflame; I haven't seen such overawed reaction to a piece of headgear since Jane Birkin came down the stairs in an enormous lid in Evil Under The Sun.  It's a kind of furry pink beret, and it's flattering and stylish and a little bit mad, and it needs to be on the racks at every Marksies across Britain by the end of the week.  In fact, let's take a closer look shall we?

Incredible.  There really isn't enough hat action in Corrie; Evelyn occasionally models a headscarf, and Sean wore a real "mid-life crisis" baseball cap a few months ago, but we need more elegant titfers.  Since Dev has shaved off his beard that trend seems to be on the wane so lets's have a new fashion hit the Street.  Put Gary in a fedora.  Cathy in the kebab shop wearing a ten gallon hat.  Eileen on the switch in a balaclava.

Hold your breath and count to ten.  I have finally, after months of frustration and anger with the skyscraper storyline, reached a state of zen transcendence and calm.  How have I managed this?  I've just... stopped caring.  It's been difficult but it really helps with my mental health.  Instead of getting angry that the Planning Committee comprises of one woman (clue's in the word "committee", folks), instead of being frustrated about this "two weeks notice" stuff violating any number of basic rights for tenants, instead of shouting "you've still not got Yasmeen's house or the factory or the Kabin, why are you so smug", I simply take my phone out and have a look at some nice pictures on Instagram.  I wait until I can't hear Ray's voice any more and then I go back to the show.  I might be missing out on some absolutely superb drama but at least this way I've stopped biting my lip so hard it bleeds.

There is nothing like a Dame.  I'm not going to pen another love letter to Maureen Lipman, because I've done that far too many times already; suffice to say she turned in another heartbreaking, warm, intelligent performance in this week's episodes.  There was a part of me that thought she might've gone to Canada with Arthur, based entirely on the suspicion that if Mo went to the producers and asked for a couple of months off they'd let her go because she's such an asset and it's better to write her out for a while and bring her back than risk losing her altogether.  Instead, let's congratulate Maureen for making everyone else raise their game.  Her dialogue somehow sparkles that little bit more, as though the writers put more effort into it than the scenes around it.  And actors seem to gain an extra dimension in their performance when they work with her - Alan Halsall was absolutely superb in Tyrone's "farewell" scene, an equal screen partner and working in layers of performance that don't often get put out there.  Never leave us, Evelyn.

I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine.  This week there were a lot of dads simply doing their best, and it was a reminder that not every father in the show is as terrible as Ken Barlow (five children - one hates him and refuses to see him, one tried to push him down the stairs, one married his worst enemy just to spite him, one is a literal murderer, and the last is riddled with so many complicated issues he drowns himself in Jack Daniels).  For example, even though Simon's real dad decided a gallivant round the Highlands was far more important than taking care of his only son, Nicky Tilsley stepped up to give out advice and affection.  Nicky discovered Simon in the flat at Victoria Court, and talked to him with sensitivity and concern, while he seems to have taken to looking after Sam like a duck to water, which is weird when you think about it.  He's forty years old and he's literally never looked after a child before in his life but apparently it's no hassle at all.  

Meanwhile Dev is wrestling with the problems of raising twin teens on his own and doing it as best he can.  He's a blunderer, he often suffers from foot in mouth syndrome, but you never doubt that Dev loves the bones of Asha and Aadi, and he really wants his daughter to pull through all the trauma she's suffering.  He's a great Dad, so long as you ignore all those illegitimate kids he's got scattered across Greater Manchester that he never pays any attention to, and if you don't ask whatever happened to Amber.

Finally Michael is stepping up and doing the right thing and supporting the mother of his child.  In this way, he's a lot more mature than I am, because I'd be whipping that baby out of her arms in the maternity hospital then running as far as possible to get away from boring Grace and her quite clearly demented brain.  Instead he's going to co-parent the new arrival; this caused Aggie to simmer so hard I thought she was going to start whistling like a kettle.  I hope Aggie takes Grace out in the ginnel and administers an absolutely terrifying talking to that lets her know she'd best not slip up, because that would be enough to set anyone straight.

God is dead.  Jenny, in sheer desperation, turned to the Lord for assistance, praying that nothing bad would happen to her beloved in court.  Johnny was promptly sent down for eight months, which conclusively proves that He doesn't exist, and Billy should chuck his dog collar in the bin right away.  In retrospect, we should've realised that Johnny was going to get banged up, because the inability to do any location filming during lockdown means they have to get maximum usage out of all the sets. There always has to be at least one character in hospital (this week, Leanne), at least one character in prison (this week, both Johnny and Gary, with Paul taking a turn last week), while there have been more courtroom scenes over the past month than an episode of Rumpole of the Bailey.  We're all hoping for the end of lockdown, but nobody quite as much as Granada's Location Manager.  When the vaccine is fully rolled out Corrie will probably be all outdoors, all the time, with everyone going to Alicante for no reason other than the directors will have filmed every single inch of the set and will be desperate for something different in the background.

There were lots of great gags in this week's show, but nothing made me laugh so much as Faye sobbing that Gary being on remand will mean he'll miss seeing his kids.  If you know the current whereabouts of Jake or Zack, let me know on Twitter @merseytart, or better still, tell Gary.

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