Coronation Street Weekly Update, August 25 2008

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This week finds your updater another year older, having celebrated a birthday in the last few days. Thankyou to all who emailed birthday greetings, they were very much appreciated. I’m planning to continue celebrations well into next week by taking an eye test. I’m hoping for specs just like Deirdre. And so, with the Dub Pistols on CD and without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Margi Clarke as Jackie Dobbs hit Corrie again this week, the first time since she and Tyrone took up unofficial residence in Curly’s house on the cobbles years ago. At that time, Man City fans at a match chanted to actor Kevin Kennedy, who played Curly and was spotted in the footy crowd, “There’s a Scouser in your house!” Well, the Scouser's back. Last time we saw her Jackie Dobbs had been banged up with Deirdre “I diddunt-doo-anneethink” Barlow who was sent down after John the fake pilot set her up. Deirdre has yet to come face to face with ex-cell mate Jackie this time around and this Corrie fan can only imagine that Deirdre’s face on seeing her again will be something like this:

Anyway, Jackie manages to fleece Tyrone and Molly out of their wedding funds after Scary Brian threatens to beat up Jackie for not paying her bills. At least, that’s what Jackie tells Tyrone but the truth is that she’s had a boob job in Spain and needs to clear her cleavage cost. As Jackie butters up Tyrone and Molly in a posh place she’s house-sitting for Ewan and Breenan (lovely couple) while looking after their big fat cat called Madge, there’s a fella watching the house, drumming his fingers on a car steering wheel. They’re angry fingers, full of tattoos and a sovvy and they belong to Scary Brian. He’s scary, he’s called Brian. He does exactly what it says on the tin plate in his head. And he gets his cash after he threatens Jackie Dobbs into handing over the dosh, no matter where it comes from - Ty and Mol’s wedding fund.

She’s got pink hair this time around, but Jackie Dobbs shows her true colours when she tells Tyrone she wishes he'd never been born once he hands over the dosh. She turns up later in Jack Duckworth’s backyard only to get short shrift from the working-class wall of strength that is Aunty Pam and Jack who turn her on her heel and send her down the ginnel. But she’ll be back, just you mark my words. Margi Clarke doesn’t come back for just a bit part.

Elsewhere this week, Vernon waxed lyrical in Roy’s Rolls that his Rock Rhythm Rascals were once “this close to a support slot with the Flying Pickets.” Didn’t he know that one of that band once went out with Deirdre? Well, they did you know. I guess we’ll never know how much more exciting Deirdre’s life might have been if she’d wed a Flying Picket.

In the cab office, it’s John Stape’s turn to sit in the Streetcars seat of shame and confess all to Eileen. She knows, you know, does Eileen, I think she’s a white witch. She knows who put the smile on John’s face but it’s not Eileen’s place to criticise or condemn, that’s left to us viewers as John and Fiz get close and kiss once again. Living rooms up and down the country hummed to the sound of Corrie fans tutting and saying “Oh no, Fiz, no.” Even Kirkeh’s Julie comes out with some words of advice for her new bessie mate Fiz. Indeed, she even burst into song but it still doesn’t wipe that silly smirk off Fiz’s face that she and John “fit” together. Pavers shoes and my feet “fit” together; doesn’t mean it’s a good look.

The Websters set off on holiday to Greece although it’ll take them at least a month to unwind as Kev’s all upset over Tony Gordon’s world domination plan. It continues apace when the Victoria Court flats are officially opened with a champagne reception served by a tiny skirt with Rosie Webster in it.

Dev takes the keys to his new flat and Prem and Nina come for a look-see. Nina makes it clear she wants to rock Dev’s world in a way Dev’s never been rocked before, well, not since his dalliance with Deirdre. In the next few weeks we’ll see Prem and Nina’s daughter Tara arrive and Dev will be caught in a love triangle between mother and daughter. And not for the first time either. He only needs to bag Blanche and he’ll have scored his Barlow hat trick.

And as for Tony’s plan to oust Jed Stone from his home, he puts the old fella in th’ospital and leaves a cheque on his hospital bed (white starched sheets, green knitted blanket). Jed’s in bits and pulls close to his chest the only item left to him in the world. It’s an old biscuit tin full of cash and old photos of him with Minnie Caldwell. It fair brought a tear to the eye.

In the Kabin, Rita takes a phone call from Emily who’s in town but has forgotten her credit card PIN. She tells Norris to go into her bedroom to retrieve the number from her dressing table drawer. Norris gets the shakes going into a ladies’ bedroom, but he finds the number easy enough. What else he finds leaves him in a state as there’s an envelope in the drawer marked “Not to be opened until after my death”. He tells Rita about th’envelope, she tells Emily and of course it gets back to Norris. Emily shows him the contents, it’s her wishes for her funeral and Norris can’t help but bitch about her choice of funeral choonage. Anyway, before I press on, a word about Emily’s bedroom because as far as I know we’ve never seen it before. It’s everything you thought it would be, I’m afraid, with no surprises. It’s pink flowery wallpaper, old bottles of scent, heavy oak furniture, a wedding picture of her special day with Ernest, bottle of blue WKD and an Anne Summers catalogue on her bedside table. I made some of that up.

Over in the kebab shop, David makes Tina jealous by making Amber happy. Poor Amber. She thinks she’s on to a good thing when David takes her to the Leeds Festival and she’s really loving being with him. She’s been after him long enough, but David’s only doing it to make Tina jealous and it’s working, it really is, although she tells Darryl it’s not. But it is. Anyway, speaking of the Leeds festival, I travelled back today from Leeds station to London on the same train as the festival fall-out and the place was like a zoo. A smelly, tired, muddy but very happy zoo. I just hope they pay the Leeds station cleaners double time for today, they surely deserve it.

Talking about kebabs, Jerry’s worsening health delights Theresa, the only woman to make custard with the help of a pestle and mortar. She adds eye of toad and leg of newt to Jerry’s diet and he’s really, really ill but no one’s figured out what she’s up to just yet.

Gail continues to romance Joe although so far it’s not got past the white wine stage. She cooks him sea food which he can’t eat because he swells up, which is a shame, because she was probably hoping that would happen.

Five things we learned in Corrie this week.

1. Sally Webster is Tony Gordon’s 3rd best machinist
2. Tyrone Dobbs was named after Tyrone Power
3. Steve McDonald doesn’t know how many sugars Liz takes
4. Jerry Morton sings the Double Deckers theme tune at parties (I think I may start)
5. Scary Brian was like, really scary

And that’s just about that for this week.

Coronation Street writers this week were David Lane, Peter Whalley, Joe Turner, Carmel “I’ve brought back Jackie Dobbs” Morgan and Martin Sterling.

Glenda
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