Kirk’s back from Cyprus and he’s got some big news for Fiz. She’s worried he’s going to suggest he wants to get back together and while it’s true that it’s matters of the heart that he wants to speak to Fiz about, it’s not Fiz he wants. And that’s when, ladies and gentlemen, we meet Julie Carp. Julie’s a divorcee, a lady of a certain age and as thick as two planks. How else could she think Kirkeh is “deep” and “intense”. “Hello Sausage!” she greets him when he walks in the Rovers. A reference, we can only hope, to the fact that Kirk once worked in a butcher’s. “Hello Snugglebum,” he returns before they rub noses together and get sentimental over a shandy. They’d met on holiday in Cyprus and are clearly made for each other being as thick as each other. “She only lives twenty minutes away,” Kirk tells everyone who’ll listen. “She’s lovely”. Actually, she’s great fun so far.
Audrey plucks up the courage to give Ted Paige a call after he’d left a message looking to find her. She didn’t want anyone to know but ends up telling both Rita and Maria, who egg her on to call Ted back and find out what he wants. “Hello Ted,” she breathes into his voicemail. “It’s Audrey here, actualleh, Audrey Potter, as was, obviousleh…” She’s intrigued as to what Gail’s dad could be wanting after 50 years but whatever it is, Audrey’s going to find out. Truth is, he just wanted to catch up after his partner died on him this year. Audrey takes this to mean his girlfriend but there’s more to Ted Paige than first meets Audrey’s eye. She tells Rita later that Ted had a twinkle in his eye that he never had before. Anyway, Audrey tells Ted he’s got a daughter and that he’s a great grand-father too and that brings a tear to Ted Paige’s eye. When he finds out that his granddaughter’s a slapper whose husband is sleeping with the tart from the local café and his grandson is in jail for pushing his mother down the stairs, Ted Paige could end up wishing he’d never got in touch.Gail visits David in the young offenders’ institution and Audrey tells her daughter she needs to take a break, suggesting she goes off to Italy to see Sarah instead of hanging around the Street. But Gail chooses me-laddo over Milan and stays close to David.
For the first time since 1979, Deirdre and Gail find common ground to talk about over Gail’s kitchen table when Deirdre pops round and talk turns to their kids who are banged up in jail. This talk at the tea table was about the only scene this week not accompanied by a track from Duffy’s CD. It’s been played all week – in the factory, the salon, Carla’s flat and the pub. The Coronation Street soundman must be a big fan. Gail got her cast removed from her arm this week. She waved her arm about. “I feel like a million dollars,” she bleated. What, all green and wrinkly?
There’s bad news for Leanne when lovestruck Paul dobs himself into the cops and admits he torched the pizza place in the precinct. This scuppers Leanne and Dan’s plans to turn the burnt out shell into a posh bar and they’re worried the men in blue will be after them soon too. Paul comes clean to Jack about what he’s done and it fair breaks Jack’s heart. “You are your father’s son, all right,” he tells him, shocked. “I can’t even look at yer, get out.” Paul leaves and Jack gets stuck into the whisky bottle with Tyrone and Molly only too happy to help. The scouse copper comes to caution Leanne and Dan. “We’ve got nothing to hide,” says Dan. “That’s what Crippen said,” butts in Blanche.
The whisky bottle got well and truly trashed this week as the Connors hit the bottle when Carla cooked dinner. Tony flew off on a business trip to China leaving Carla and Liam alone in the flat when Maria waddled home, tired out. The next morning, Maria’s beside herself with grief wondering what went on between Liam and Carla but she’s got worse things to worry about when she tells Marcus that she hasn’t felt the baby kick for a while. He marches her to the maternity ward where a scan reveals the worst and the baby is dead. A stunned Maria goes back to the Street looking for Liam but can’t tell him what’s happened. He’s all loved up and promising undying love to his missus and his child, without the baby in his life then Maria knows she means less to him, so she hides her grief for now and it fair brought a tear to my eye and I’m not easily moved by such things.
Over in the bookies, Vernon’s spending an increasing amount of time and money there betting on horses that never seem to win. Even Dan the bookie man tells him not to waste his money but there’s no stopping Vernon who keeps losing his cash. He tells Liz he’s been offered three months on a cruise ship, drumming in a band and asks her to go with him. She’s not keen, you can tell. As Vernon practised his drumming in the back room of the pub, Liz has to leave him alone to get away from the noise. “Had a little paradiddle in your ear, did he?” asked Lloyd to which Liz didn’t answer but it could explain why her hair looks such a mess.And there’s more loved-up malarkey for Jason and Becky as the two of them enjoy another night in the pub. Fuelled up on cider and with cans of cheap lager to take back to Eileen’s, Becky gives the relationship a moment’s thought “Right, I’ve thought about it. Get your keks off, gorgeous,” before she starts ripping Jason’s clothes off at the foot of Eileen’s stairs. What an excellent link to a picture of Jason Grimshaw sans shirt.
Best line of the week went to Roy Cropper. “Guess what I never get?” asked Becky in the caff. “The London Review of Books?” asked Roy, quick as a flash. Thankyou Jan McVerry, for the laugh.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Coronation Street writers this week were Martin Allen, Chris Fewtrell, Damon Rochefort, Jan McVerry and Debbie Oates.
Glenda
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