Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Sunday 6 July 2008

Coronation Street Weekly Update, July 7 2008

Greetings! It’s great to be back and my sincere thanks go to John Dean and Richard Whitbread who have been looking after things while I’ve been away. Without, er, willing volunteers like these two fine gentlemen, the weekly updates would have fallen into a void during the month of June and I’m very grateful to both of them for keeping the fires burning and the mouse traps refilled in the weekly update office.

Me? I’ve been involved in a special Corrie project that’s taken all my spare time over the last few weeks. I’ll be giving it a mention in a few weeks via the weekly updates so keep your ear to the ground and your finger in the air to see which way the wind blows. That’s got nowt to do with Corrie, it’s just a general tip I like to pass along. Don’t run with scissors in your hand, that’s another. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Tony Gordon makes Rita an offer she can’t (but she should, she should!) refuse. He wants to expand in ladies pants and offers to buy Rita’s Kabin. She doesn’t need to think on, she says yes to his cash price almost there and then. Norris sniffs that she’s sold out for thirty pieces of silver and Rita agrees, fully aware of what she’s going to do. She’s old, she says, and she wants to retire to the sun. “I could be Senorita Rita or the Queen of Spain,” she cackles to Norris from the sweet counter. Did you know that the Queen of Spain is the dead spit of Gail Platt? No honest, she is, have a look here. Anyway, I’m now officially fed up. Rita Sullivan has always been my favourite Coronation Street woman of all time. If Rita goes to Spain, I’m going wi’ her. I wonder if she'll head back to Benidorm?

Tony also wants to take over Kevin’s Auto Parts but no one’s touching Kev’s parts, not if he can help it. He’s stern with Tony for “sneaking around behind me back and poking yer nose in me premises.” He really said it too, I didn’t even have to make that one up. Kev tells Tony that if he wants the garage he can have it for a million quid, and laughs off his offer to buy him out. Somehow I don’t think Tony will be put off so easy. We never had this trouble when Mr Baldwin were in charge. Bring back Ida Clough, she’d soon sort them out. When Kev throws Tony out of the garage for barging in with a surveyor, Tony decides to wheedle his way into Rosie’s charms and get in her good books to take a peek at Kev’s finances. Daft tart that she is, we all know that she’ll send her dad up the swanny, for much less than a kiss on a factory doorstep from a smarmy Scot.

Anyway, Norris spills the beans to Kev that Tony wants to buy the Kabin as well as the factory and Rita and Kev lock eyes across the pub. She wants to sell; he doesn’t. What’s to do? “Tony Gordon’s chasing you an’ all?” asked an incredulous Kevin to which Norris replied: “Oh yes. It was like McCartney chasing Mills.” I had to rewind and listen to that one again. By ‘eck it were good.

News of Liz and Vernon’s separation spreads like soft butter on a barm and Harry the bookie is straight round to the Rovers chatting up Liz and dancing on Vernon’s grave. Ooh, you should have seen Deirdre’s face when she gawped at the cheek of the man. Liz packed her bags, full of heavy-duty mascara and plunging £2.99 tops off the market and headed to Jersey to stay with a mate.

Vernon’s booted out of the Rovers so he packs his bags and paradiddle paraphernalia into the back of a van and drives off, all the way across the cobbles and moves in with Lloyd. Blanche watches from a chair on the cobbles and shouts obscenities at Vernon for giving up on his marriage. “Don’t mind her,” says Deirdre, embarrassed. “She’s got geriatric tourettes.” Anyway, in the space of half an episode Vernon goes from feeling sorry for himself with a rendition of “You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel, four hundred children and a crop in the field” to singing his freedom with Lloyd in a singsong on the sofa as the two of them belted out the old Viola Wills hit, Gonna Get Along Without You Now. Vernon and Lloyd are so cute together. It can only be a matter of time before they end up sharing a bowl of pasta and shyly realise they’re sucking the same piece of spaghetto.

As an aside, Craig Charles who plays Lloyd, presents the Radio 6 Funk & Soul Show (I said funk dear, funk) and if you’ve never listened to it, you should, it’s ace. It’s on BBC 6 Music, Saturdays at 6pm.

Becky storms out of the caf√©, the flat and Roy’s life after he says she’s got the morals of a stray cat. Now, I’m not so sure. There’s a stray cat spending time in our garden and it’s really lovely although it does keep its morals to itself, that’s true, and I never ask. Becky replies with some choice words of her own which cut deep. She calls Roy a weirdo. Ouch. And she calls Hayley a weirdo too. Double ouch. Roy’s so upset with this turn of events that he hyperventilates into rubber gloves and Becky moves in at Eileen’s.

Fortunately, there’ll be space as Sean is moving out after he and Marcus find a flat together. But their finances are up the creek when Sean gets sacked by Tony after one too many extended, liquid lunches and Marcus walks out of his job in a strop. The factory girls don’t exactly come out in support of Sean but mooch to the pub where Marcus muses on postgrad courses he might take up at Uni. “There was erotic novel writing, or sumo wrestling,” he said. “Why not do both at the same time?” asked Betty while the wonderful Wiki looked deep into her half pint and murmured darkly: “I alvays vaunted to be a doctor buddit nevarh wurcked out.” It was the first time the factory girls have been lost for words since 1974.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Coronation Street writers this week were David Lane, Lucy Gannon, Martin Allen, Stephen Bennett and Jan McVerry.

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