Greetings and welcome to another weekly update choc-full of cobbles gossip. The update this week comes atcha from the tail-end of what’s been a lovely, long Bank Holiday weekend and hates that it has to return to work tomorrow. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Find out more about the Coronation Street Weekly Updates, written for th'internet since 1995.
Coming up for air through smoke left by the bombshell dropped last week are Julie and Eileen who reel at the news they’re now sisters. Not only that, they have a pervert for a dad. And in the Kabin, Rita wishes she’d worn waterproof mascara as tears fall over the shock of finding out she was in love with a kiddy-fiddler. Rita’s in bits, but when Colin comes into the Kabin with a bunch of cheap flowers and a patronising line: “I might be your last chance…” she gives him back his engagement ring and then goes upstairs for another Rita-size cry into man-size tissues.
Deirdre pops in to comfort Eileen and encourages her to get out and face the gossip. “I can’t,” says Eileen, in a wonderful line. “I’ll be deafened by the whispers.” And Julie snuggles up to Kirk on the sofa, trying to make sense of what’s going on. “We’re stuck with each other, me and the truth,” she says. I loved all this dialogue from writer Chris Fewtrell, it was classic Corrie stuff to the end.
With Eileen out of sorts and at home away from work, Steve and Lloyd agree to get Fat Brenda in to work on the switch. And Colin? He has a stroke brought on by stress and ends up in th’ospital where Julie’s the only one who’s visited him so far.
When Norris finds out what’s gone on with Rita, he gets all self-righteous about knowing Colin was a bad ‘un right from the start but then comforts Rita when he sees what a state she’s in. Meanwhile, Mary’s urging Norris to start packing for their trip of a lifetime but Norris has more on his mind than the Ferker Pass. He’s worrying about leaving the magazine order in chaos: “It was bad enough Kirk getting Roy's ‘History Today’,” he says, “We don't want Roy with Kirk's ‘Nuts’ on his doormat.” Indeed, we do not.
Meanwhile at the Barlows’, Blanche provides a running commentary on all the gossip on the Street. Deirdre tells her mum to pipe down but Blanche retorts wonderfully: “I’m old, I’m fragile, I have a dodgy hip and I have to take me pleasures where I can.” If she knew what her son-in-law was up to, her pleasure cup would runneth over with gossip of the highest degree. Ken only goes and sees Martha again and this time, they set the barge rocking. As they head to the bedroom, Eccles doesn’t know which way to look. After their spot of rumpy-pumpy, Martha’s all shimmery in a satin negligee and Ken’s post-coital glow is enough to light up Rosamund Street but his smile soon fades after Martha reveals she’s sailing away in the morn. Ken has a lot to think about. Does he shimmy away with Martha or stay put with Deirdre? He knows what he’d like to do and feels hemmed in by the constraints of the cobbles. Has he got the guts to go?
Well, he thinks he has and so he packs his little bag with his jim-jams in. He hands in his notice at the caff and cancels his Guardian at the Kabin. He eats his last hot-pot in the Rovers and leaves Deirdre a letter which he places by the photo of Uncle Albert on the sideboard. Ashamed of what he knows Uncle Albert would say, he turns the photo face down. And that’s when Peter comes in and discovers his dad ready to ditch Deirdre and leave. Peter’s words fall on deaf ears and with a Newton & Ridley beer mat in his pocket as a keepsake, Ken heads to the canal. He boards the boat and sips soup with Martha. And when she casts off, she calls out to Ken that there’s champagne in the bedroom to celebrate his new life away from the cobbles. But there’s no reply to Martha’s call and that’s because Ken’s not on the boat. The wishy-washy liberal who always sits on the fence now stands on a bridge over troubled waters as Martha sails away. Hasn’t Stephanie Beacham been wonderful?
Over in the Rovers, Becky and Amy bond over a boy who’s bullying Amy at school. Becky gives the kid the evil eye after school which is enough to scare anyone off and seems to do the trick. Steve’s glad to see Becky bonding with Amy but surprised to get a postcard from Liz saying she’s staying in Spain a while longer for sun, sea, sand and etcetera. He passes the news on to Lloyd who’s not best pleased. He misses his Liz and wants her back: “Your mother’s always been very fond of the etcetera,” he sighs to Steve in the pub.
And finally this week, Roy decides he can trust Anna Windass enough to give her his customer number for PriceCo (73542553) and along with his password (PuffingBilly). Feckless Eddie of course takes both and spends a fortune on wholesale booze for which Roy will be charged and Anna will be blamed.
Coronation Street writers this week were the powerhouse that is Julie Jones, Chris Fewtrell and Simon Crowther.
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