Coronation Street Weekly Update, September 1 2008

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. I hope you’re all curled up on the sofa with your tea and Gypsy Creams, nodding your head and tapping your toes to Vernon’s new song. I know what I’ll be singing next time on karaoke. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Vernon goes all out to get Liz back. He takes time away from work in the caff to write special lyrics for Liz. One song’s called “Ice and a Slice (Of my Heart)”. He’s big on brackets, is Vernon. But the one that does it for Liz and he sings it to her in full in the back room of the pub was called “(Don’t Fall Into) The Mason’s Arms”. It were wonderful, it really was. But it almost cost him his job in Roy’s Rolls when Roy took Ken back on as he needed the extra help and Ken’s got nowt else to do.

Meanwhile, Smita Smitten, Showbiz Kitten (aka Nina) gets her claws in and carries Dev off for a dirty weekend. It must have been really filthy as she spent most of the weekend having a passion fruit spa bath. Passion fruit, dear? With all those pips? For fans of Devendra, a dirty weekend in a hotel meant there were lots of scenes of him rolling around on the duvet in a towelling gown with his legs spread at an inappropriate angle for a man of his age while Nina prowled the bedroom and played with his balls. His golf balls, dear, his golf balls. Well I don’t know… can you explain why Dev was playing golf in the bedroom? The way she sunk her nails into the balls made my eyes water but at least Dev scored a hole in one. I just wish it’d been an Arnold Palmer bedroom. He could have got the ball through the hole in the windmill, made Nina’s lights flash, sails spin and receive a token for another free try. However, Dev’s not happy when he realises that he’s the latest in a long line of men that Nina takes to the hotel for sexy weekends. And when Dev’s feeling insecure, he fiddles with his wedding ring, which was a nice little touch. He wants to cool things with Nina but hasn’t the nerve and when he tries, she warns him that if he dumps her, she will tell Prem to cut him out of his Manchester Asian Business Network. “I’m urging you, as your goddess, to have a rethink,” Nina purrs into Dev’s ear. That was such a good line, I’m planning to use it myself this week, possibly in the supermarket when we do the weekly shop on Thursday and my lovely man picks up the wrong flavour Gypsy Creams.

Someone who could do with the comfort that only a packet of Gypsy Creams can bring is Sean because Marcus has gone off with a fella. Or at least that’s what Sean thinks. And indeed, it’s what Todd told Eileen when he rang up from that London place to say he’d seen Marcus in a nightclub with a man. Marcus is supposed to be in London to do botox, not boozing or boys, and when Sean finds out that the man Marcus was with was Noel, his ex, he’s all needy and pleady. That is, until Marcus rings and admits he’s with Noel in that London place again and Sean hangs up his phone and cuts Marcus off in his prime. There’ll be no more consensual texts between the two of them.

However, over the road there’s more romance going on that you can shake a stick at. David and Tina get back together and are all loved up but only after he uses and abuses Amber’s crush on him to make Tina jealous. Poor Amber. She was dolled up to the nines like a right bobby dazzler, ready for snogging on the sofa with her paramour du jour. When she realises she’s been stitched up, she’s in bits and Molly comforts her by the counter in the corner shop. But wait, there’s more. As Tina and David snuggle up again, Tina’s dad and David’s mum get in a tangle too. It’s still at the white wine stage, we haven’t progressed much from last week I’m afraid but there’s been kissing and giggling going on in that Platt house. Gail decides to cool things with Joe when she sees how happy David is with Tina and she can’t put him through having another fella come into their lives to disrupt things again. Joe leaves for a business trip to Berwick and tells Gail to think on. Father Ted accosts Gail after he spots her with Joe. He leads her to the Rovers, encouraging her to spill all her secrets over a pint in the pub. “Drink! Feck! Girls!” he never said, but next time he’s on screen, watch closely, he just might. Oops, that's Father Jack, innit? I got a bit confused.

Elsewhere, the big story this week was Jerry falling and hitting his head. Now then, the last time someone fell and hit their head in that living room was Charlie Stubbs doing himself an injury after he’d been given a good thwonking over th’ead by Tracy Barlow. It has history, that living room, history. So Jerry’s brain starts bleeding, he has to have his head drilled and he survives, Theresa confesses, Jerry throws her out of th’ospital room and she asks him not to tell the kids she’s been trying to kill him. It’s a shame Jerry Morton’s leaving but the actor seems pretty much resigned to his fate.

At Underworld, Julie’s covering for Sally while she’s on her jollies with the Webster clan. She fits in well does Julie, but I want to know what she’s doing working in the factory. Didn’t she have a job as a customer services operative slash personal communicator or something?

Five things we learned in Corrie this week.

1. Vernon can sing better than he can write lyrics
2.Ken likes buttered Pikelets
3. Fallow is not a word you hear enough in song
4. Cushions made from material costing £66 per square metre should always be plumped
5. Roy Cropper just keeps on getting more cute

Coronation Street writers this week were Julie Jones, Debbie Oates, Carmel Morgan and Lucy Gannon. A full female writing week.

And that's just about all for this week. If you'd like to receive Corrie weekly updates each week by email, click here for more information.

Glenda

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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/