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Monday 5 January 2009

Coronation Street Weekly Update, January 5 2009

Happy New Year and welcome to the first weekly update of 2009, written from notes taken in my lovely new update book given to me by Father Christmas. And what a lovely update book it is too. You wouldn’t believe the trouble I have finding just the right type. It has to be small and leather bound, unlined, soft to touch and smooth to write in and good old Santa brought a perfect book this year. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

It’s New Year’s Eve and Fat Brenda’s pulled a sickie at Streetcars. Neither Steve nor Lloyd want to work the switch so they shut up shop and head to the pub. Becky’s done up to the nines in a leopard print top which proves she’ll be landlady any day now, the signs are clearly there. Beehive? Check. Ear-rings the size of dinner plates? Check. Attitude and gum? Check. Tart? Check. With a heart? Check. Leopard print clothing? Checkety-check-check. As the clocks chime 12, Liz leads the regulars out of the Rovers onto the cobbles to see the firework display. With whizzes and bangs, there’s explosions going on all over the place, especially in Jack’s backyard where Aunty Pam and Darryl are blown up when the chip oil sets on fire and blows up Jack’s outside loo. Fortunately, no pigeons were harmed in the making of this scene but Aunty Pam ends up in th’ospital briefly and Darryl’s a bit shocked.

As if having his khazi blown to bits wasn’t enough of a bad start to his New Year, Jack’s got company in the shape of Tyrone’s mum. With her pink hair, fake tan, Croatian breast implant that exploded on a microlight, Jackie Dobbs returns this week causing ten kinds of trouble for Molly, Ty, Jack and Pam. The reunion of Jackie with Deirdre in the Rovers was one I’d been looking forward to for ages but when it happened, even written by the mighty pen of Jonathan Harvey, it lacked the “scene of the year so far award” that it could well have been. But still, Jackie’s back and if Deirdre’s got any sense, she’ll go into hiding until she’s gone. Molly’s trying to cope with having the mother-in-law-to-be from hell living with her as she plans her wedding next week and her dad only goes and has his appendix explode. Poor Diggory.

Best story of the week was Steve finding out about Liz and Lloyd. As the pair of them lock lips up in Lloyd’s flat, Steve storms in demanding to speak to Lloyd about the state of his love life. Should he choose Becky or ‘Chelle? Michelle or Becks? Anyway, as he’s sitting in the chair at Lloyd’s flat, Liz is hiding right behind him and Steve’s nostrils start twitching. “What’s that cheap, sickly perfume?” he asks Lloyd. “It’s familiar, somehow”. But he doesn’t put two and two together until he spies Liz’s Dolly Parton keyring and then fists fly in the flat. Liz comes up from behind the chair, surrendering to her son shouting at her, with her arms in the air. “I was born between those legs!” he yells at Lloyd and Liz stands by and watches the two mummy’s boys battle it out. When Steve finally leaves the flat, disgusted and disgruntled, Liz hugs Lloyd to her with his head nestled in Liz’s mighty cleavage. A truly wonderful comic scene.

Back at the Rovers, Steve is so distraught that he collapse on the sofa with a glass of wine and Michelle and forgets completely that tonight was the night he was going to dump her and take up with Becky. Becky hadn’t forgotten though and she takes to her bed with half a plastic bottle’s worth of cider insider her and Hayley’s words of wisdom when Becky begged her to have faith. “Have faith?” she asked incredulously. “In Steve McDonald?”

Elsewhere, Dev falls deeply in love with Tara but when Amber finds out that Tara’s leaving Weatherfield, she knows she has to stop her and keep her dad happy. So, Amber and Darryl sabotage Tara’s taps in the flat so that Tara has to call Dev in see to her plumbing. But the plan backfires when Tara thinks Dev has plundered her plumbing on purpose and she blows hot and cold with a shower of abuse. Amber then comes clean to Tara who apologies to Dev who tells her he loves her. See, it all worked out in the end. Well almost, but Tara still intends to leave Dev and Weatherfield for the bright lights of Arthur’s Seat and Auld Reekie.

Across the cobbles, Gary Windass winds up Tina by following her around and calling her name. David’s getting jealous and angsty and although Tina says she doesn’t like it, she’s not exactly ignoring the mating call of the Windass as much as she could. Tina’s dad Joe also has problems this week when his money worries set in so deep that even asks Jason Grimshaw about a labouring job with Bill Webster.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Coronation Street writers this week were Damon Rochefort, Peter Whalley, Jonathan Harvey and Simon Crowther.

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