In the house of crime, Craig makes a lot of speeches about how nothing will be the same ever again and how he's lost his integrity, diligence blah blah blah. It's hardly the first time is it? He himself points out that he withheld evidence against the racist cop who arrested James Bailey. He also didn't reveal to his superiors that he was dating an incarcerated criminal, and when he discovered Rotten Ray's plans for the cobbles, he was put off revealing them by Ray saying he'd put in a good word for him with the Chief Constable. Let's face it, he's the worst plod since D.S. McKinnon.
Anyway, he agrees to go back to Ted's flat to recover Fay(e)'s false nail. Armed with a Handy Andy youtube guide to plumbing, he undoes the u-bend and finds the nail, only to be interrupted by Ted's grandson. He manages to get out of the flat without arousing suspicion and then tells Faye they have to get rid of clothes she and Emma were wearing that day and then - dramatic twist - he quits the force. Maybe he can go back to graffiti ing walls? I feel like The Powers That Be only decided that he was going to become a copper so that the didn't have to employ a different actor to read the Miranda rights every time someone's wrongly arrested on the Street,
It's Faye I feel sorry for in all of this. Now she's stuck with Craig - forever - and he'll be asking for "that special thing" on a weekly basis. The moral of the story is: never wear false nails.
Talking of milking it, Tim lies on an uncomfortable looking sofa veering between saying he feels daft just lying around and demanding special biscuits. Elaine, trying to make up for 40-odd years of non-parenting in two days, gives him a "servant" bell, to Sally's chagrin. If something is going to push her in to the arms of a hunky American ice-skater, it will be this. I was wondering why Steve hadn't bothered to come visit his bestest pal, but it was pointed out to me that he was probably in the jungle eating kangaroo genitals at this point, so that was probably preferable than seeing Sally and Elaine squabble over Tim.
Max finally attends the consent class at Weathy High (which seems to consist of 2 boys, Daniel and a whiteboard). Would a NQT be doing this? Are there any other teachers at the school apart from Danny-boy and Mrs C? Is Daniel having to teach metalwork and media studies as well? Anyway, Max says he has a personal stake in the classes, which leads Daniel to ask "Because of David?", which in turn leads to Max quizzing David about what happened to him. David eventually tells him and then chews Daniel out for letting it slip and for once, David is in the right.
On a side note, we all know Double D are going to get back together and Lydia is not going to be best pleased by that. But do we really have to a Mary Wollstonecraft-quoting bunny boiler??
Meanwhile in Corrieoaks, Asha says to Amy and Summer that she wants to follow her dream of doing BA (Hons) Risk Management at Glasgow University (tread lightly because you tread on my dreams, also have you done a risk assessment on the dream?), but she doesn't want to leave Nina. Come on, we know all three are going to Manchester Uni, Or maybe the newly consecrated University of Weatherfield (Media City campus).
And finally, in devil child news, Hope's had a therapy session in which the therapist said that her hiding Joseph in the attic was not because she's a baby Fritzl and she was actually showing empathy towards her cousin, which seems like the most positive twist on something since those parties were rebranded as "work events".
Where has Phil(l) been the last few weeks whilst his step-nephew has gone missing? Just like Audrey hunkers down in Grasmere Drive whenever there's a Platt problem, Phill has been conveniently absent during the whole Joseph palaver. Anyway, he, Evelyn and Tyrone all agree that Hope needs a proper diagnosis. Fiz disagrees.
Rachel Stevenson - on twitter
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