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Monday 11 February 2008

Coronation Street Weekly Update, February 11 2008

Greetings and welcome to a heart-shaped update that’s ready and waiting for its Valentine’s bunch of flowers. But not the ones from the bucket outside the petrol shop, please no, not again. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

I trust you’re sitting reading this with your best titfer on and your buttonhole erect for we’re going straight to the wedding of Liam and Maria, or LiaMaria as I like to call them. Shame they didn’t serve TiaMaria at the reception, but you can’t have everything, so on we go.

It’s the day before the wedding and the factory girls are in party mood. Liam sends Vicky out with a tenner and tells her to buy cakes all round. Does that mean they had doughnuts? After cakes had been eaten and the sugar rush kicked in, Sean and the factory girls sprinkled Liam with rose petals and sent him home to prepare for his big day.

On the night before the wedding Maria heads off for a sleepover at Audrey’s, leaving the coast clear for Carla to slip round and give Liam something to think on. At Grasmere Terrace, Maria realises she hasn’t got something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. As Betty’s at home with her varicose veins, that’s taken the old, borrowed and blue out of the equation so she’s desperate to find summat else instead. Emily comes up trumps with the borrowed and the blue bit by offering Maria a blue scarab which her wonderful nephew, the gorgeous Spider Nugent, sent to her from abroad. What a lovely man he is, who could wish for a better nephew and isn’t it time he came back to Corrie? But I digress, as always when Spider’s name gets a mention.

Maria nips back to the Street to secure the scarab and spies Carla kissing Liam on the cheek. Maria had already had her suspicions fuelled that Cruella DiVorce was after her Liam when she found Carla with Liam in nowt but his pants and a hat after the lads tied him semi-naked to the Weatherfield Wayfarer bus stop on his stag night. It was a stag night that saw Kirk wearing a blue quiff hairdo wig and Steve McDonald sported a black and white hat. Hats, as you will see, are forming a theme in this week’s update and I’m keeping the very best hat for last. It’s even worse than that purple one of Deirdre’s she once wore for a wedding, but not the one that had the fascinator on the top. And that’s not something I’ve ever said in an update before.

The day of the wedding dawns and Maria’s in tears, she tells Liam she can’t go through wi’it because of Carla’s plotting and kissing and texting and snogging. Well, you can see why a girl could get upset. Audrey does her best with her “ooh, now, come on Maria my love” but Maria wants to speak to her groom. The guests fidget as they wait while the conflab takes place. Steve checks his watch and Kelly picks her teeth. Sally says she knew summat bad was going to happen because she’d seen a single magpie on the way to the church. And that’s never a good sign. Outside, while Maria’s having a heart to heart with Liam, his phone gets a message from Carla herself, telling Liam not to marry Maria when he can have her instead. You can’t blame the girl for trying, but Liam makes his choice and marries Maria. He, Liam Barrington Connor married her, Maria Jane Sutherland and did solemnly declare something about no lawful impediment to become joined in matrimony. Kirk did his bit and proudly walked his sister down th’aisle after telling her he was “in loco parentis”, a new phrase that he’d learned from Roy. Carla was in tears and stormed out of the reception in her hat. Yes, this is the very hat I mentioned earlier. It takes a special face to pull off a look like that and Carla managed it well. Think four and twenty blackbirds, baked in a hat and piled up on top of Carla’s head. And when the girls gathered to catch Maria’s bouquet, it was Sean’s arms it ended up in - a wonderful touch.

Elsewhere this week and away from the marital moans, Jason returned from Italy with a split lip after Sarah belted him one round the chops. He told Gail that their marriage had ended and went to the café to say sorry to Becky for doing a runner. He got another slap around the chops for that too, and although Roy has never been one to condone physical violence, even he admitted that it could have been deserved.

And finally, over at the Barlows’, it was Amy’s 4th birthday and there was cake, cards and some little friends at a party - but where was Michelle? She was out meeting her other son, Alex, neglecting Steve and Ryan. It’s time someone had a stern talk to that woman before she loses everyone she loves back at the ranch.

Coronation Street writers this week were Stephen Bennett, Jayne Hollinson, Debbie Oates and Julie Jones.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Blogging away merrily at

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