Yes, this was the week when Vera had her name in white carnations and pink roses with a pink silk trim, in the funeral car that took her body to the crem. It was another couple of very moving episodes and I think most of that is out of respect to Liz Dawn who played Vera, as the Corrie crew wave goodbye to one of their stalwarts on the Street. I don’t know about you, but I’d grown up with Vera Duckworth, she was part of my life. She was with me from when I first started watching Corrie when I were nowt but a kid and while she’s never been one of my favourite Corrie women, she’s just always Been There. And now she’s gone, and as we know that Liz Dawn is in ill-health, it adds a certain poignancy to Vera’s farewell on the Street.
Jack was in bits, as we’d expected and Terry turned up, which we didn’t. Terry looked like he’d stumbled onto the wrong soap with his loud whisprin’ voice and his big flat in Wolverhampton. He told Rita that he’s something big in mobile phones, just like Tetris - but no-one’s pleased to see him, unlike Tetris which can be quite fun. Most shocked to meet Terry was young Paul who finally came face to face with his dad after seven years and it took Jack to remind Terry that he was dad to the spawn of Clayton. I, along with probably half the British population, was expecting undertaker of the parish Archie Shuttleworth to be on duty at the death but it was a sub-standard affair. “Co-op,” sniffed Blanche with the air of one who knows. At the crematorium, Jack heaved himself out of his grief to say a few words about his little swamp duck, ending with the heartfelt “Thanks, Vera. Thankyou, love.” The music that marched the funeral party into the crem was Elvis’ Amazing Grace and Vera was shunted out to the sound of Ray Charles’ I Can’t Stop Loving You. If your eyes were still dry at this point, then you’re a table leg and I claim my five pounds. Although he was only on set for five minutes, Terry tried to persuade his old man not to sell the house to Tyrone (or as Terry’s always called him Tirroan) and Molly. Jack nodded his head and smiled nicely, even giving his son a goodbye hug before telling Tirroan, Molly and Paul that they were his family now and they’d all stick together, come what may. Although I do hear from the tabloid press that Paul might have other ideas...
Away from the big story of Vera’s funeral this week there was a lot of ess-ee-ex going on and some of it, was a little disturbing for a family show. Yes, if you saw the show, you’ll know that I mean the white stiletto story. Harry the bookie found a pair of white spiky heeled women’s shoes, the common sort, in son Dan’s bedroom and confronted him with them, wanting to know what he was doing with ladies’ shoes in the flat. Dan admitted that he’d been having aforementioned ess-ee-ex with a woman wearing the shoes when her mobile phone rang (or was she playing Tetris?) and her ex-husband wooed her back with the power of his mobile. Leaving Dan alone in his flat, she took off the white sillitoe shoes and left them with deflated Dan. Ever since, he told his dad, as you do about such things while having a drink in a pub with everyone listening, he’s been trying to get women to wear the white shoes while having it away sub-duvet with him. See what I mean? Very odd. When it all panned out it was really just a ploy to show how daft Dan is and how manipulative Harry could be of his son. But will Dan ever find a woman to wear the white shoes? Tune in to Sky Channel XXXX after midnight on weekends to discover more about the Street’s shoe fetish. Or then again, best not.
More sexy goings on could have taken place this week if only Tony and his eyeballs (eyeballs, dear) hadn’t turned up to ruin Liam and Carla having fun in Brum. Yes, Liam and Carla took off to Birmingham to join in a trade fair. Now then, I’ve never been to Birmingham but the place obviously has very good healing powers. Leaving the cobbles, Liam limped to the car. He limped across the street, he limped, he really did, his injuries from his fall in the Lake District causing him no end of grief. After a couple of hours on the motorway or however long it takes to drive from Manchester to Birmingham, he gets out of the car in Birmingham and Liam’s injuries, my friends, have gone, all gone. Never mind Lourdres, missus, if you want rid of that nasty rash, get yourself to the middle of the Bullring shopping centre now if you know what’s best. So, the two of them are in good and varied spirits and Liam’s in fine health in Birmingham where Carla’s only gone and booked them one room to share. They have a few drinks in the bar, do a bit of flirting, Carla’s cleavage speaks for itself, in stereo, and Liam’s transfixed. But before Carla can utter the immortal words “Take me now Liam, for even though I am your sister-in-law I am a wanton hussy and the best ess-ee-ex you’ll ever have this side of the Pennines”, in comes eyeball Tone from the catalogue to put a dampner on things. Liam drives home to spend the night with Maria and her pregnancy bump, lying that he’s returned home to be with her and not because Tony turned up to spoil his coupling with Carla.
Elsewhere, David was up in court and fined £300 for driving his car into the canal. He’ll also get points on his licence if he ever gets one and the whole experience has left Tina a bit worried. “I’ve never met anyone as bad as me before,” she tells Gail. Gail, you’ll remember is the mother of young David who’s own storyline has ended and she now sulks in the Rovers with her mother of an evening hugging a half of lager of lime and a bag of pork scratchings to her chest and rolling her eyes to the heavens. She’s taken to leaving condoms around the house for David to find, with hastily delivered words telling her son to be careful. Little does she know that David and Tina have already used her double bed for their ess-ee-ex sessions, which is more action than Gail’s bed has seen since 1986.And finally, Liz and Vernon returned from honeymoon this week wearing their cowboy hats and matching frilled shirts. Not really knowing what’s going on with Michelle and Ryan over the DNA test, Vernon barges in and calls Michelle his daughter in law and Ryan his grandson. Well, neither are true as the DNA tests prove that Ryan’s not Michelle’s real son after all. Further DNA examination results in this storyline being very dull.
Coronation Street writers this week were Martin Allen, Simon Crowther and Peter "I buried Vera Duckworth" Whalley.
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And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/
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