Joseph's playing this all wrong. Instead of whining that his dad didn't believe him (come on, every parent has thought their kid was malingering at some point: my boyfriend's parents didn't believe he'd broken his arm when he fell off a climbing frame), he should be asking for new trainers, a PS4, paintballing session (I'm guessing what 12 year old boys like here) and Chesney can tap up glamorous Granny Linda if he can't afford it. He could at least demand that the quads go live elsewhere so he can get some actual attention. Instead, he and Ches make up, although Gemma is still frosty towards her hubby. To be honest, I'm surprised Gemma is back at number 5, I thought it'd take Caitlin at least another two and half months to finish her report.
Meanwhile, Bernie decides to give the florist flat a good bottoming (I'm very disappointed Jonathan Harvey didn't get a filthy joke out of that) and Paul is worried she's going to find the assisted dying drugs in the kitchen cupboard (wouldn't Summer also be at risk of finding them?). Bernie has given Moses the day off (I'm not sure that's in her jurisdiction, but whatever) and he bumps into the Toddster who takes him for a date at Speed Daal, before being interrupted by the aforementioned benzo issue, so he has to cut the date short to go round to the flat to move the drugs. Todd, the flat is literally 3 mins from the restaurant. Go get the drugs, come back, get a snog, exchange digits. At the end of the ep, Bernie turns up with a motorhome (Mary's old one?) to take her children on a road trip. In January.
Oh, whilst Bernie doesn't seem to have been that affected by her spell inside, Dev is still suffering. "The shame is real" he moans in the pub. Pretty sure that previous girlfriends of Dev have been in chokey.
At the school, Liam meets up with his nemesis at dinner time and prepares to fight. It seems a bit unfair, a scrap between a 28 year old school boy and a literal 14 year old, but Liam doesn't have to go through with it as Dylan, trying to intervene, says to bad boy Mason that Liam is a loser and not worth it. Liam overhears and goes for Dylan instead, which leads to a suspension, a visit from Craig in his copper guise and a lot of sharp head tossing from Sean. I really think Mrs Crawshaw needs to delegate more; she should be doing budgets or something in her office, not wandering around the school at lunch looking for troublemakers.
In minor stories, Bobby and Simon go out for a drink on Carla, and Bobby invites Lauren and Sabrina over as well, who aren't impressed with Simon, who is a mean drunk. I'm guessing now that Peter is gone, they're setting up a new alcoholism story? Also, Simon and Bobby aren't cousins, so there's no real impetus for them to get along, apart from for storyline purposes.
And Deedee tells Ed to sort out his debts. This storyline would be so much better with Aggie in it.
Rachel Stevenson - on twitter
