Coronation Street Weekly Update, December 31 2008

Greetings and welcome to the last weekly update of 2008, written on the very last day of the year. I’ve had a break from writing the update over Christmas because a) I’ve got a life (no, really, I have) and b) even if I had the time and inclination to spend hours at the coalface of the computer, well, there was cake to eat and sherry to drink. I hope everyone had a truly wonderful Christmas and I wish every single reader all the very best for the year ahead. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.


The update this week covers Christmas on the cobbles over the last couple of weeks and while I don’t want to, I think I’m going to have to start by saying that Christmas in Weatherfield has been a bit crap. Soap Christmasses should be full of drunken feckless men in Santa suits, drunken factory girls in deely-boppers dancing around their sewing machines waving their knickers in the air while snogging the factory boss. There should be tears in the back room of the Rovers while the regulars party hard on t’other side of the bar. But no, this year on Corrie, there wasn’t any of that. What we did have was disappointing; Peter Barlow pushed into a Christmas tree, Tony Gordon strangling Jed Stone with Carla’s nighty and a bit of argy-bargy at the Platt’s - but in their house, argy-bargy is for life, not just for Christmas.

Yes, Peter Barlow has been drinking too much and slurring his words. He ruined Simon’s nativity play by turning up drunk to shupport hish shon and then had to apologishe to Ken and Deirdre while sipping on orange juice in the Rovers to prove that he’s now sober and can look after the fabtastic little Simon, who’s the best young actor to hit the cobbles in a long time.

At the Underworld Christmas party, usually a time of drunken antics and great dialogue, this year was rather subdued. Jed Stone got wise to Tony Gordon and Tony ended up strangling him with Carla’s negligee. He bundled the body into a basket at the factory as the girls partied on but when Tony went back the next day to dispose of Jed’s body, Jed was still alive. It’s not clear what Tony’s gone and done with Jed now as he offered him a flat in Wigan. Perhaps death was preferable, who knows? Emily knows summat’s up when she finds Jed’s hat which Tony had left behind at the house - and Jed Stone never goes anywhere without his hat. Or indeed his cat, which Norris had found in a basket. Hats, cats, dead bodies and nighties. Soap Christmasses should come with more spice. Fortunately, Maria provided a moment of madness when she daubed MU DERER on the Underworld walls, determined to out Tony Gordon as the killer of Liam. It was left to Becky to paint in the missing R, aah.

At Gail’s house, there were fisticuffs between David and Gary Windass who Rosie’s got the hots for but he’s after Tina who’s going out with David. Confused? No, me neither. It was too simple a storyline. No diary revealations this year over the sprouts, just an hormonal punch-up at Gail’s. Even Rosie Webster and David Platt’s 18th birthdays went by without much going on.

Best storyline by far has been Liz McDonald and her exercise class, the Brazilian Crunch, at which she wheezes. This shouldn’t be confused with the Credit Crunch, which squeezes. Lloyd’s roped in to be DJ at the Brazilian Crunch class and it’s not long before he and Liz lock lips and then scamper upstairs together in the Rovers for a bit of, well, I don’t know. You work it out. I can't wait to see the Steve McDonald gurn of the week when he finds out about his mum and his best mate.

The lovely Rita had a decent Christmas, spent with Eileen’s dad, Colin. Eileen wasn’t best pleased as she was expecting her dad there for his turkey and pud but he plumped for Rita’s offer of Christmas stuffing instead.

Over in Roy’s Rolls, Hayley and Roy fed the homeless of the parish with a determined grin and plenty of gravy while Becky and Steve played silly beggars.

Up in the flat in the sky, Dev strummed along to Guitar Hero (I recommend this highly) with a tie around his forehead to get that Jimmi Hendrix thing going on while offering Tara the flat above the shop for her to move into.

And finally, leading up to an explosive New Year on the street, Aunty Pam stores used chip fat in Jack’s back yard. She plans to convert it into bio-diesel with the help of young Darryl but it’ll all end in tears when Aunty Pam gets blown up! Now that’s the sort of action we want to see on Corrie at Christmas.

And that’s just about that for Christmas on Coronation Street. Have a wonderful New Year and I’ll be back as usual with the regular weekly updates from early next week once again.

Glenda
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