Coronation Street Podcast

I have now cast my latest Corrie pod at The Soap Show website. You can listen to me in all my glory right here. But only if you'd like to.

Coronation Street Weekly Update, January 14 2008

Greetings and welcome to this week’s update which comes at you feeling, you know, a bit sort of mid-January-ish. It’s wearing its fluffy slippers, the ones with matching hat and scarf, and is enjoying being drip-fed leftover chocolates and any remains of the Chrimbo cake which might be lying at the back of the bread bin. But hark and fear not, for I bring you without any further ado, this week’s (or is it weeks’ ? I’m never sure where to put the apostrophe in that word) Coronation Street update.

Cast your mind back, if you will, to last week and the Lake District and Liam in hospital after falling from the fell. He makes a speedy recovery, as injured people are wont to do in a soap when they’re needed for a script change on t’other side of the Pennines, and Liam limps over the cobbles on crutches. Maria doesn’t want Carla to know that loverboy’s back in town and lies to her while trying on wedding dresses in town. But Carla’s out for a spot of lunch with catalogue Tony “my knight in shining Armani”, the one with the weird staring eyes, and spies Maria through the window of the wedding frock shop. There’s an altercation, as you can imagine, the likes of which the Vincent Malone Bridal Boutique has never seen before and Maria does her best to warn Carla from chasing her Liam. “Stay away from me, yer vile cow,” says Maria but let’s be honest, she’s in a no-win situation. Maria’s like a cuddly hamster facing up to the robo-rottweiler that goes by the name of Ms Connor. Carla pulls out all the stops when she finds out Liam’s back on the Street and cooks him a bacon, sausage and cheeky cheese casserole just like his Irish mammy used to make. “You’d best buckle up love,” Carla warns Maria. “You’re in for a bumpy ride.” One of the best lines of the week came from Michelle when Maria told her she’d brought the wedding forward to next month. “If there are cracks in your relationship, you can’t paper over them with confetti,” she said. Ooh, I liked that one a lot.

From one side of the Connor clan to the other, less exciting side. Indeed, it’s to the side that sucks the life out of my telly screen whenever they appear as Michelle and Ryan tremble in the back room the pub over Nick the stalker and the terrible truth. “You’ll always be my baby,” Michelle tells the boy who isn’t her son. Poor Ryan, finding out the truth made him miss his own 16th birthday party in the back room of the pub and his mates Tommo, Phil, Monster and Ig had turned up for the bash too. Tupperware bowls full of beef flavoured crisps with the stench of the inside of a dog’s kennel sat untouched as the boys left Ryan and Michelle to cry on the sofa.

Over in the Duckies, Jack and Vera had an offer accepted on the house of their dreams at number 42 Pemberton Gardens Blackpool. Better still, they found a buyer for their own house when Molly and Tyrone offered them the asking price. As the Duckies started to pack up their boxes, Molly and Tyrone told Paul he could stay on as lodger if he wanted as long as he paid rent. But, dear readers, the Duckies won’t be going anywhere as Veronica Duckworth (née Burton), yes that’s Vera to you and me, will pop her clogs and die in next week’s update. Better buy that big box of hankies right now, in fact, if you want to start crying it’d be a good idea to start about Tuesday.

Now then, all soap actors are born equal but some are more equal than others. Yes, this was the week when David’s girlfriend Tina, who works in the pound shop, introduced him to the delights of reading Animal Farm and drinking cheap vodka. Tina whisked David upstairs while Gail was at work, seduced him with “Kiss me, David, show me who’s boss”, and removed him of his innocence in one fell swoop. Not bad for her second episode but what’ll she do in her third? She’s looking promising, is Tina, ranting on about the “dangers of a naïve working class,” while wearing big loopy earrings. David’s now sporting a lovebite the size of Barney the rabbit on his neck and has taken to eaten eggy bread. Gail can only look on, quite bemused and probably relieved that her son’s hormones have found a release.

Meanwhile, Kevin was in a suit for his day in court after beating up John Stape on the cobbles. Afraid he’s going to be sent down for a long stretch he tells Sally where the stopcock is in case she should need it while he’s gone. And Sally might need to stopcock after all as Kev was sent down to the big house for 28 days although he’ll probably only serve 14 and come back with a suntan. In some wonderful scenes, Rita took up the mantle of Sally’s mentor and mother for a much needed heart-to-heart over the teapot at the kitchen table. Rita even helped sort out Rosie and Sophie from beating each other to a pulp. Dev had some sage words for Sally when he heard about Kevin in jail. “I dunno…” he said, “… you get someone in to teach you English Lit and your life turns into a Shakespearean tragedy.” Forsooth.

And as Jamie and Violet wondered what to call their baby, Lauren suggested calling it Bernard Matthew in homage to the turkey baster. I can only agree.

Coronation Street writers this week were Carmel Morgan, Jonathan Harvey (two episodes), David Lane and Julie Jones.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Glenda
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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/

Coronation Street Weekly Update, January 7 2008

Greetings fellow hill walkers. Let’s hope you’ve got your thermal undies on, your trousers tucked into your socks and you’re wearing your head for heights. For this week the update heads to the hills as Coronation Street hits the Lake District - again. It’s ok, I’ve got a smoke flare we can set light to if we get lost, and a pocketful of Kendal Mint Cake if anyone’s peckish. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Yes, this was the week when Corrie’s star crossed lovers Liam and Maria – ah, what the heck, let’s get up close and personal and nickname them LiaMaria – headed on holiday to the Lake District. Now, if only they’d read the newspapers this week they’d have known not to travel to the Lakes, not to climb the mountains and not to stray off the paths. The Lakes at the moment are a dangerous place to be with one man in the know telling the posh papers this week that even experienced climbers would do well to stay in’t pub and have another pint of real ale and a Cumberland ring rather than take to the heights because of the worst snow he’s seen in years. However, not having combined access to the brain cells to check a weather forecast never mind a storm warning, LiaMaria don their funky new waterproofs, aka anoraks, and head off to the peaks with Ozzy the dog. As Maria headed to the hills there was a distinct lack of nuns but I think I was getting confused with a film I had seen over Christmas. While the hills were alive, will Liam be in the same condition by the end of this update?

So there they are, LiaMaria and Ozzy walking along, minding their own business, enjoying the scenery and admiring the view. The rugged face, the peak, the scar top, the cleft, Maria admired it all in Liam’s handsome face until pretty boy fell from the fell and did himself a mischief. Far too many tears for one soap ensued and Maria spent the best part of two episodes in a mascara-streaked tear-fest. The Keswick Mountain Rescue Team came to the rescue with four words of help: Abseil. Stretcher. Helicopter. Hospital. But at th’ospital, there were more words that Maria didn’t want to hear and that was the nurse telling her that Liam’s waking words were a heartfelt plea for “his Carla.” Having spent the week in tears in a bad jumper, Maria carried on as she started and had another big weep.

Back on the Street there was less danger this week but just as much intrigue. John Snape came fussing around Fiz hoping to win her back. “I might have been unfaithful with my body,” he told her about being ensnared by the power of minx, “but I was never unfaithful with my brain.” Women up and down the country pretended to stick their fingers down their throat and mimed a throwing up motion on the living room carpet (I know I did) at this point. We all hoped to high heaven that Fiz would do the right thing and tell John where to go - the Lake District, preferably, at the top of a very high and slippery peak, somewhere that the Keswick Mountain Rescue Team couldn’t get to even if they wanted. But no, she took him for a coffee in Roy’s café instead. Poor Fiz, you could tell she was tempted to give him another try but with Becky in one ear, Chesney in t’other, and even Schmeichel giving her pleading looks, all of them urged Fiz on to give John the heave-ho. She’s missing him, of course, but Fiz will rise from the ashes of her spent, burnt out passion to spread her wings and fly, ooh, all the way to Rosamund Street. Just you wait and see.

Speaking of the minx, Rosie returned to School this week to smirks from Amber at the bus stop. Amber told Rosie that she’d heard that John Stape had been fired from his teaching job and was now only allowed to work at an all-boy school, full of ugly boys. Even sister Sophie got in a few jibes, calling her older sister a “home-wrecking, teach-loving tart.” I love lines like that, don’t you?

Elsewhere, Liz and Vernon went off on honeymoon to Nashville but it was a close run thing. Vernon found out that Liz had planned to call off the wedding before she went through with it last week and he was deeply wounded, thinking that he would always come second place to big Jim. Liz assured her new hubby that all was well, even though it wasn’t, and the two of them trundled off in a taxi to Tennessee.

Meanwhile, Becky smirted with Harry this week as she had a sly fag outside of the caff. Apparently, to smirt is the new word for having a bit of a flirt while you’re having a fag. I know someone who smarts. Harry’s still keeping his eye on wayward son Dan in the betting shop after Dan barred Blanche from putting tuppence ha’penny bets on in the bookies as she sits there with her foil wrapped sandwiches and flask of hot drink. Apropos of nothing, but seeing Blanche this week did make me wonder where Eccles the dog has got to these days.

Over in the Rovers, Michelle proved what a dab hand she is at wearing the carpet thin by walking backwards and forwards, chewing over her worries with a cup of tea in her hands. All she’s done for weeks is mope around and moan to anyone who’ll listen, usually Steve, that she doesn’t know what to do for the best over the stalker shenanigans. Steve’s so fed up listening to her whinge that his face has gone puffy.

And finally this week, David Platt’s new girlfriend arrived. Well, viewers don’t yet know that she’s David’s girlfriend but we’ve read enough about her in Celeb-Dazzle-Glitz magazine or whatever it’s called to know that she’ll turn out to get very close to demon Dave. Her name’s Tina McIntyre and she’s done so well so far by managing to get on the wrong side of Gail in the health centre. More news on Tina next week, that’s if you don’t read it first in Celeb-Dazzle-Glitz. Available from newsagents all over the place.

Coronation Street writers this week were Jan McVerry, Stephen Bennett, Joe Turner and Simon Crowther.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Glenda

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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/

Coronation Street Weekly Update - Christmas and New Year 2007/8

Happy New Year greetings from the first weekly update of 2008. This update is a bit of a bumper edition covering two weeks. It takes in Christmas 2007 and welcomes 2008. I hope everyone reading this had a good Christmas and New Year and it’s with a fresh start and a new fluffy pair of slippers that we head into a new year with the first of 2008’s weekly Corrie updates. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s, and last week’s, Coronation Street update.

There were three huge storylines running across the last two weeks and I’ll deal with these in the order they happened, because I like to keep things neat and tidy here in the weekly update office. And so ladies, and gentlemen, who like this sort of thing, hang onto your hats as the weekly update brings you Commando Sam the stripper from Liz McDonald’s hen night in the Rovers Return. He was butch, big and black and might have had his boyfriend waiting for him in the back room of the pub but Commando Sam had the Street’s women in thrall. As Liz straddled the stripper, Vernon went off with the stags of the Street – er, Dev, Steve and Bill, for a night of Northern Soul at Rochdale Town Hall. And throughout all the wedding planning, the stag and hen shenanigans was Jim McDonald, lurking and biding his time, so he was, hoping to get back into Elizabeth’s good books and under her duvet. And he almost succeeded, almost. Confused about her feelings for her fellas, Liz was ready to call off the wedding to Vern and sent Deirdre ahead to the Register Office to tell everyone to go home. As Deirdre took on the task, Liz bumped into Jim in the back yard at the pub and all hell broke loose. Vernon overhead Jim telling Liz he wanted her back and still considered her to be his missus so he rushed outside to find out what was going on. And that, my friends, was Vernon’s mistake number one. Mistake number two was for Vernon’s wedding outfit to be white, yes all white, for white showed up the blood and gristle that Jim smashed out of Vernon’s skull when he gave him what for, as you knew he would the minute he set foot back on the Street. Not only did Jim beat up the groom, he also knocked out Bob the best man and did for Dev too. With a bloodied Vernon in her arms, Liz’s pity for the poor bloke changed her mind and she decided to go through with the wedding after all and told Steve to stop Deirdre from calling it all off. But she already had and the guests were ready to leave, full of gossip and wonder as to what had gone on. Steve turned up and ushered everyone back inside for the ceremony which left poor Deirdre’s head spinning, she didn’t know what was happening - and neither did Liz. With Vernon covered in blood and Liz in a right state, the pair of them were pronounced Mr and Mrs Tomlin as the newlyweds headed back to the Rovers to celebrate with champagne before the Street regulars celebrated the New Year with champagne and 250 vol-au-vents, made by Betty’s fair hands.

And so, as one couple tied the knot and Elizabeth Jane McDonald married feckless Vern, another Street regular set off for pastures new. Yes, this was the week when Sarah-Lou-Platt-Grimshaw left her newly wed husband for a new life overseas. Jason was ready to leave the Street with Sarah until she admitted she’d planted drugs on David. David had already tried to warn Jason about Sarah: “I’m telling you this,” David told Jason, “because you’re too thick to see it coming.” And so Jason let Sarah leave with Bethany as mother and daughter boarded the train (Engine No 323225) to Manchester airport to fly to Milan to start their new life. Back on the Street it didn’t take much to cheer up Jason when Becky started flirting. And as the twelve bells struck on New Years Eve, Becky had a smile on her face, a bottle of champagne in one hand and Jason Grimshaw in t’other. Gratuitous picture of Jason Grimshaw below.

Now then, as if all of the above wasn’t enough excitement for one update, there’s plenty more to come. Let’s just do a quick rewind to Christmas Day (I know I said I’d do the big stories in order, but I lied) and see what’s going on in the Webster house. I’d been looking forward to this storyline ending for a long time, primarily so that it’s over and done with but also because the climax of it all was hyped as the Christmas day Corrie treat. Did it work as well as I hoped? Well, sort of. What did you make of it all? First off, Rosie demanded to see John on Christmas Day so he lied to Fiz that he needed to pop out to buy some nutmeg.

Nutmeg? No-one buys nutmeg! (repeat ad infinitum every time someone mentioned John’s seasonal shopping habits). Well, it wasn’t nutmeg he was after but something more spicy and he handed Rosie her Christmas present in his little car. Rosie’s face dropped when she opened up the parcel to reveal a pair of Fiz-sized flannelette pyjamas - but John was more shocked. If Rosie had the jim-jams, then that meant Fiz had Rosie’s frillies! John raced back to the flat to see Fiz but she’d already stormed over to the Webster house after opening the scanty panties, assuming John had bought them for Sal. After a stand-off over the sprouts at the Webster Christmas dinner, Sally convinced Fiz and Kev that she and John weren’t having an affair and the frillies weren’t for her. Just when it couldn’t get any more confused, in walked Rosie with the pair of pyjamas in her hand and the penny dropped. And then it dropped again. A huge fight broke out (brilliant stuff!) and Sally slapped Rosie hard across the chops. Kev stormed out and beat up John on the cobbles, kicking him and doing him some serious harm. As Fiz stood and watched we shouted at the telly: “Kick him, Fiz! Kick him!” However, Kev’s kicking was so serious that he’s up in court later this month for assault - but with a clean record and no previous convictions, he’ll surely escape prison, won’t he?

Anyway, elsewhere over the festive season in Weatherfield, Maria was feeling unsettled when she found out that Liam and robo-Carla had once shared a snog. Carla’s doing her best to cause problems for LiaMaria and she’s got Determined Look No. 15 on her face that makes me think she’ll succeed. That woman’s face runs the gamut of emotions all the way from A to B. (Thanks to Corriestreet for the picture).

Over at Roy’s Rolls there was a Christmas dinner with a difference when Roy invited Becky, Chesney and Kirk to have dinner in the caff. In between murder games and turkey with stuffing, the phone in the caff kept on ringing, it was Hayely calling from t’other side of world in Africa, but she seemed destined never to speak to her soulmate. Every time Roy tried to answer the phone, something would stop him from making the connection with Hayley. But finally, at the end of the dinner when everyone had left, the phone rang and Roy answered. As he sat down to wish his beloved a very Merry Christmas, the lights in the café dimmed and the credits started to roll. And I think I’d had too much sweet sherry at that point, as my eyes filled with tears right then.

And that’s just about that for the last two weeks. There were lots of lovely little touches that made the Christmas and New Year episodes so special and one of the best was Fiz in the Rovers on New Year’s Eve. Drinking to get over what happened between her and John, she got very drunk indeed. “I’m ok,” she told Marcus at the bar, “I’ve got a qually fullified medical professional next to me” and then she fell sideways to the floor in one of the best comic moments that Corrie’s had in a long time.

See you next week. All the very best to you and yours for 2008.

Glenda

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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/