Alec resorted to desperate measures to stop Vicky from marrying Steve: shameless bribery. He handed Steve a cheque for £5000, his on the condition that he left Vicky and never saw her again. Steve told him to stuff it (though he did also suggest £8000 might be a better offer) and Vicky was furious with her granddad. She announced that they were absconding to St Lucia to get married instead. Mike agreed to let Roy stay on at Crimea Street if he kept his nose clean, but he should've been concentrating on his other tenants, as Tricia was spreading it round the Street that Deirdre was his bit on the side. Word got to Audrey, and she passed it on to Alma; it distracted her from her business meeting and she ended up arguing with Mike. He told her there was nothing in it and tried to get her to talk to Deirdre, but Alma chickened out. Bill was worried about meeting Sally for the first time and decided to cook her a special tea. He promptly set the kitchen on fire and had to call out the fire brigade. And a puberty-stricken Nicky tried to get in with Fiona and Maxine at the cafe flat, pretending he was sixteen; they basically chewed him up and spat him out and he fled in terror.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 4th and 7th August 1995
Sally returned from her holiday (with a remarkably good tan considering she was meant to be in Wales) and discovered both her father-in-law and her wrecked kitchen. He offered to rebuild it himself. Sally was surprisingly calm about it all. Imagine if 2020 Sally came back to a burnt out house; she'd have Tim's testicles dangling from a telegraph pole before sundown. Jack and Vera also returned from their hols, chatting about buying timeshares, even though their inheritance cheque hadn't yet arrived. Until then they were scrabbling around for cash, trying to get drinks on tick from the Rovers and passing off pesetas as ten pence pieces in the corner shop. Bet gave Vicky a champagne breakfast and waved her off to her wedding abroad. After she'd gone, Alec sat down with Bet and they had a heart-to-heart, a wonderful scene where he offered to stay with her at the Rovers. She admitted she'd thought about it but still sent him off to Southampton. Derek, meanwhile, got a parcel with a gnome's ear in it and a ransom note. Will this nightmare ever end? Not Derek's, the viewers.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 9th and 11th August 1995
Deirdre was concerned when she heard a clattering outside the flats and reported a prowler to the police. It turned out to be Jamie trying to sneak in; he'd forgotten his key and Tricia was out with a fancy man. Deirdre took him in but had a word with Tricia the next day about neglecting him; she pointed out that her daughter was a pill popper so she couldn't exactly complain. The policemen then headed to the Red Rec, where they arrested Derek for being a pervert loitering with intent after dark. Weirdly they didn't believe his explanation, which was that he was hanging chocolate coins on the swing as a ransom for his missing gnome. He ended up bellowing in the Street at the neighbours and I fear he's finally lost his mind. (Incidentally the policemen were better known as Tom the teacher from Waterloo Road and Marlon Dingle). Jack and Vera were reaching the end of their meagre savings, and having to ask for credit for a while, which caused them real heartbreak. Luckily their cheque arrived from the solicitor's. And in a sad little story, Des and Andy started tidying up before Phyllis arrived, because she could no longer cope. At first she was offended but they had a chat and he agreed to pay her to do his ironing for him. Bless. She should've asked Des for a MIG fighter while he was at it.
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 14th and 16th August 1995
It was all go in the Holdsworth household. Reg was thrilled to hear that Eric Firman, head of Firman's Freezers, was thinking of retiring, and assumed he'd be next in line. There was also a prospective buyer for the Corner Shop, though Reg was less amused to find it was Vera and Jack. He assumed they were just being nosy, but when Vera explained about their inheritance, he fell over himself to bow and scrape to her. She looked at the books and discovered Alf still had an outstanding debt of £26 which amused her endlessly. Liz was distracted, as she thought she might be pregnant. She and Jim were in turmoil after their terrible experience with little Katie, so when it turned out to be a false alarm, they were both relieved and upset. They decided to consider more permanent contraception. Gail went to see Ivy at the religious retreat and discovered she was in a right state since Don wanted a divorce. Don, obviously, couldn't give a monkey's, though Josie felt a bit sorry for her.
FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 18th and 21st August 1995
Liz got a call from Steve to say the marriage with Vicky had gone ahead; she was sad she wasn't at the wedding. Don't worry love, there's going to be loads more for you to buy hats for. Jim meanwhile decided to get a vasectomy, much to Andy's amusement. The Duckworths put in a ridiculously low offer for the shop and Reg threw it back in their face. Unfortunately Jack had already handed in his notice at the pub, leaving Bet to hire Bill as the new cellarman. They had a party anyway, inviting the Street to share in their good fortune, and Jack stuck some optics behind that tacky bar in his front room. He also gave Vera the engagement ring he'd never been able to afford to give her before, which was very sweet. Reg didn't get the promotion, with Eric installing his nephew Leo as the boss instead, so he tried to get the Duckworths to reconsider their bid. They were far too busy enjoying their new-found wealth to care.
Nice though it is to see them happy, the Duckies with money seems weird somehow. Tell me I'm wrong on Twitter @merseytart.
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