Derek threw Mavis a birthday party - by which I mean, he suggested a party and then sat around while she made sarnies and vol-au-vents. (Sweetly, Betty was thrilled to have her first poke round one of the posh houses). He then corralled all the guests in a corner and started pitching Envirosphere at them, leaving Mavis humiliated and angry and causing the guests to leg it. He managed to get Fiona interested though and tried to get her on board in the pyramid scheme. After a heart-to-heart with Alma Percy confessed to Maud that he hadn't meant to propose. She also revealed to Reg and Maureen that she never sold the house, so it was still in her name. However, as they chatted, he came to the conclusion marrying her might work - and so they got engaged properly this time. Ken took Denise to Derbyshire for a walk (would you have Denise down as a secret rambler?) and he talked about his past. They ended up spending the night together in a country pub.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 8th and 11th April 1994
Reg got it in his head that Percy was a gold-digger, trying to get his hands on Maud's house, and he had a go at him in the shop. Reg was even more concerned to learn that Percy's niece was married to Kevin's dad, and he saw Maureen's inheritance disappearing into the distance. He went rooting around for her will and discovered the radio Maud had said was stolen. Fiona tried to get two thousand pounds so she could buy into Envirosphere but Denise talked her out of it. She told Derek to stay away from Fiona, embarrassing Mavis again, especially when Rita and Alma joked that he was trying to take money off young girls and he'd be after Rosie's piggy bank next. Meanwhile the car he'd bought off Norris was an absolute disaster and he had to hand a fortune over to Kevin to fix it. Also experiencing financial problems was Mike, who got an unexpected tax demand that made things even tighter in the Baldwin house. He tried to get money off Alma but she told him he'd have to talk to Maggie to get help with Mark's school fees.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 13th and 15th April 1994
Sally and Kevin fancied a night out, but they worried that Rita would think they were chucking her money about on nonsense. They got Vera to babysit and fled the street, but Rita was perfectly fine with them spending it how they wanted and told them to enjoy themselves. Mike met with Maggie and persuaded her to pay Mark's fees, though she was livid that she was being forced to stump up for something she'd never wanted in the first place. Bernard nipped round to number three and ended up having tea with Percy. As they chatted Percy mentioned Emily's breakdown a couple of years ago. He was upset that she hadn't told him. Audrey was after all the gossip on Ken and Denise, and invited them round to her house for dinner. Denise misunderstood and went on her own, and had to phone Ken to get him round. Audrey was none the less thrilled to get a glimpse into their life, while the new couple went back to Ken's flat together.
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 18th April 1994
There's two episodes on one date here because BBC One launched a Monday episode of EastEnders the same night and ITV tried to spoil things by broadcasting a double episode. The big meanies. Boring Bernard went to see Emily. He told her that he couldn't marry her; his mother had suffered from dementia and he couldn't bear to go through all that again. Emily was heartbroken, but stoic, though she later cried on Rita's shoulder. You're best off without him Em. The Council's Chief Executive ran through the Mayoral inauguration procedures with Alf, but Audrey made it clear how boring she found it all, and took the mickey out of him in the Rovers. He told her he didn't want her to be Mayoress. Don picked up Ken and Denise - they had gone to a barn dance at the school; can you imagine? - and Denise was understandably upset. She went back to her flat without telling Ken why, leaving him confused.
FRIDAY - Episodes broadcast 20th and 22nd April 1994
Alf went in search of a Mayoress and, surprise surprise, he settled on Rita. Audrey was livid when she found out and demanded that he withdraw the invitation. At first he said no, but then he caved and uninvited Rita, leaving her irritated. Percy was determined to write to the Gazette to inform them that he had an eighteen-year-old budgie, even though they'd claimed they could only live to twelve. Emily snapped and told him that this was a replacement Randy - the first one died not long after he moved in and she bought one from a pet shop. He felt emotionally wrecked, but Emily told him she'd been jilted, which put his "problem" in perspective. Ken and Denise rowed over her coldness, and though she tried to make it up to him, he was non-committal. Meanwhile Don watched from the Street like the weird old pervert he is. And a depressed Des admitted to Curly he'd slept with Tanya. Curly advised him to forget it ever happened.
If you can think of a more depressing night out than a barn dance in a school hall please let me know on Twitter @merseytart.
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