The Week In Classic Corrie

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 29th December 1989 and 1st January 1990

Happy new year!  Or if you're Alec Gilroy, time to dwell on the futility of existence and the inevitable slide toward the grave.  He decided to make it up with long-lost daughter Sandra before he finally popped his clogs.  The beef between the Roberts and the McDonalds shifted into a new gear, as Alf demanded payment from them for a new shop window.  They paid up with the twins' pocket money, only for Steve to drive a digger right into the Mini-Market and smash the glass all over again.  The unhappiest house of all was number 1, where Ken told Deirdre he couldn't decide between her and Wendy Crozier, and asked if she could just hang on while he had a think.  Unsurprisingly she told him where to go, and kicked him out in the early hours of New Year's Day, leaving Tracyluv to deal with the knowledge that her dad was an absolute pig.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 3rd and 5th January 1990

Jim turned up at the shop with Steve, demanding Alf put him to work as punishment for the windows.  As he painted the back wall Tracy turned up and flirted with him, only for him to reject her in favour of flirting with Jenny Bradley.  Let's resurrect that love triangle in 2018. Word of Ken and Deirdre's separation spread round the Street, with Emily politely suggesting that maybe she should just put up with a little bit of adultery if it means she gets to have a husband.  Deirdre told her to butt out then stormed off to the Recorder to tell Ken and Wendy Crozier that she wanted her half of the paper.  In the process she called Wendy "Miss Piggy", which was ace.  Alec found his daughter Sandra, and she was absolutely minted.  She lived in a huge house with her daughter Victoria, who Alec first encountered riding in the lane outside.  (Though it was a different Vicky to the one who married Steve).  Don started 1990 as he'd started 1989; by getting into trouble thanks to gambling.  This time, he was in a bookie's when his taxi was robbed, thanks to him leaving his keys in the ignition.  The car turned up, but as it had been used in a hit and run in the meantime, the police were looking at him sideways...

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 8th and 10th January 1990 

Bet and Alec attended Sandra's birthday party, with Mrs Gilroy naturally displaying more front than Southend.  She overheard Sandra saying she didn't want Alec around, and, realising they were way out of their social milieu, dragged him away.  Ivy realised Don had been gambling, not having a pee as he told her, and laid into him.  She also brought up his last gambling indiscretion because of course she did.  Ken went to see Tracy but when he told her he wasn't coming home she lost her rag and bawled "I hate you!" in a very unconvincing fashion.  Deirdre said she'd give up her half of the Recorder in exchange for the house, which would mean he'd have to flog the paper.  And I know it's 28 years too late but I'd like to register a protest with Granada.  There is NO NEED for any television show to include a scene of Ken Barlow and Wendy Crozier naked in bed together.  NO NEED AT ALL.  (Yes, I know I stuck a screengrab of it up there, but if I had to suffer through it, so can you).

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 12th and 15th January 1990

With Alan Bradley smeared across the Blackpool pavement, there's a vacancy for "unpleasant man who uses his fists before his brains," and Don Brennan looks like he's going for the job.  He thought he'd spotted the lad who stole his car on a rough estate and camped out to catch him, irritating a local brass while he was there.  When he spotted the boy, he chased after him and belted him in a playground; naturally, the constabulary looked unfavourably on middle aged men beating up teenagers and arrested him.  Mike got his accountant in, and was told he'd best think about his finances sharpish because he was starting to run on fumes.  Ken sold the Recorder to the Gazette, then handed over number 1 to Deirdre in exchange for a quick settlement.  Alec was still on cloud nine about Sandra and her big house, so Bet had to gently let him down and tell him she wasn't interested.  He refused to believe it though and invited his daughter round for supper at the Rovers.

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 17th and 19th January 1990

A giddy Tina was invited to France by Eddie.  (She asked Mavis if she'd enjoyed her time in Paris.  "One day Derek got a pain in the Tuileries, and then another time we got lost looking for the Louvre."  Tina sympathised.  "It's terrible, in't it, when you're busting to go?")  She even managed to stay excited when Eddie revealed it was a football supporter's coach trip, but she was then let down as he had to stay in Weatherfield with his baby.  The teenagers confessed to robbing Don's car, but his assault charge still stood, what with him having committed assault and all.  He was furious and felt hard done by, as is usual for Don Brennan.  Mike invited Alma to move in with him.  It could be love.  It could be Mike after Alma's money.  Sandra turned up for the candlelight supper, but refused the smoked salmon, and told Alec she didn't want to know.  She thought he'd left it too late to try and make things up.  Bet went to see her to make his case, but it didn't work, and Alec accused her of just making things worse.   

@merseytart would like to apologise to his neighbours for screaming when the Ken and Wendy bed scene came onscreen.

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The Week In Classic Corrie

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 6th and 8th December 1989

These two episodes end with one of the greatest scenes in Corrie's history, but there's an hour of build up first.  Alf and Audrey moved out of the Street, heading for their new semi, only to have the previous owners tell them they've changed their mind.  Since they'd already sold their house to the McDonalds, the Roberts were left homeless; they spent a night in a hotel, then were forced to slum it in the shop flat.  Speaking of the McDonalds, we got our first glimpse of Steve and Andy, both rake thin with enormous quantities of gel spiking their hair, while Liz was dressed in a most unfamiliar way: she's wearing a jumper.  But the real action was happening in Blackpool.  Rita had convinced herself it was the good old days, and Bet and Alec couldn't persuade her otherwise.  Alec returned to Weatherfield and went round Alan Bradley's to apologise for calling him a murderer - in the course of which, he revealed she was in the Strand Hotel.  Bet, meanwhile, had tried to persuade Rita to go to hospital, but she'd vanished.  Alan arrived in Blackpool, confronted Bet, then ran into Rita outside the hotel.  He tried to drag her into his car, furious that she'd ruined his life, but she gave him the slip and ran across the road.  Rita (or rather, a stuntman wearing her coat and wig), made it safely to the other side.  Alan Bradley, however, did not, taking a tram to the body and sending him straight to hell.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 11th and 13th December 1989

The Street reacted to Alan's death far too sympathetically for my liking.  People stood around looking sad and shocked rather than, as I would've done, breaking out the champers.  Bet even offered to pay for his funeral, though Jenny rejected it.  She was understandably upset, and spent most of her time blaming Alan's death on everyone else in the Street, but especially Rita.  The only person she trusted was Martin, which got Gail all huffy and jealous.  Audrey was depressed at having to live in the flat above the shop, and locked herself in the bathroom with some booze.  Typical Aud, turning to the bottle.  Her situation wasn't helped by Jim McDonald constantly mithering Alf to get rid of the rubbish in his back yard, starting thirty years of being a stroppy git in style.  Curly wrote the Bettabuys staff assessments and, at Reg Holdsworth's encouragement, went in hard.  Too hard, it turned out, as Vera was sacked for being a general waste of space.  Most important of all, halfway through the first episode, Jack's glasses acquired a big lump of plaster on the frame to hold them together.  They didn't explain why, but it was good to see an icon appear.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes broadcast 15th and 18th December 1989

It was Alan's funeral, attended by Jenny, Martin, Sally and Kevin.  At the rather pathetic funeral tea (a few pints in a working men's club while The Only Way Is Up played in the background) she railed against the world for not caring about her abusive, rapey father.  She then begged Martin to stay the night.  He did so, in a purely chaste fashion, but Gail wasn't impressed.  Curly caught Reg in flagrante with the store detective, so to keep his silence, Reg gave Vera her job back.  The news was badly received at number 9 as Vera had discovered the report that got her fired in the first place.  They told Curly he'd have to find somewhere else to live.  Gail and Alma had a Christmas do at a nightclub, only for a hammered Mike Baldwin to turn up.  Alma took his car keys off him and put him in a cab.  Back at the house, Martin got a call from Jenny and went to her despite Gail's protests.  But the most shocking moment was Jim McDonald confessing he quite fancied Deirdre Barlow.  Now THERE'S a coupling to dwell on.

THURSDAY - Episodes broadcast 20th and 22nd December 1989

Tracy Barlow was hanging round Andy McDonald, trying to get him to pay her some attention.  "In a couple of years he'll be chasing her," Alma predicted.  Right idea - wrong twin.  Mike was sniffing his way round Alma again now Dawn's run off; she took his flowers and his gin and tonic and told him where to go.  Derek got hammered at his Christmas party with a pre-Tricia Armstrong Tracy Brabin MP; he ended up catatonic and was locked in the warehouse, forcing him to climb out via the roof while dressed as Santa. Gail was still in a strop with Martin, and told him to pack his stuff and leave.  They finally made it up, and agreed to stop pretending to Nicky and Sarah-Lou that he was the lodger.   Vera and Jack were also in a conciliatory mood, and told Curly he could stay.  Ken went round to Wendy Crozier's and complimented her on her trimmings; for once he was talking about her Christmas decorations.  He spent Christmas Eve cozying up to the trollop, and got home late to number 1.  "I want to know where you've been, and who with," said Deirdre icily, and he finally confessed to his filthy shenanigans.  Then he cried, because Ken Barlow is a self-centred pig.

FRIDAY - Episodes broadcast 25th and 27th December 1989

It's funny; Deirdre probably thought being held hostage in a tower block was the worst Christmas could get, only for Ken to destroy the 1989 festive season with his wayward willy.  Ken complained that Deirdre hadn't been paying enough attention to him, because he is an appalling humanoid.  The Barlows maintained an icy relationship, leaving Tracy sulking and alone and listening to Bros on her new personal stereo.  And thus a sociopath was born.  Deirdre accused him of having an affair to get back at her for her shenanigans with Baldwin.  Ken said he didn't want to leave her or Wendy, and Deirdre said she wasn't particularly bothered about having him back.  You go girl!  At Gail's house, Ivy was spoiling her Christmas dinner by sucking a lemon throughout, furious that Martin was acting like he was part of the family.  Fortunately Alf, Audrey and Don seemed to like him (although it's odd that Ivy was the only person who remembered Brian even existed at the first Christmas since he was murdered).  Derek's was fired - again - and slipped into self-pity - again.  On Boxing Day, Mike entertained Alma - her hard to get act having lasted two episodes - and confessed that following the dodgy Spanish deal, he was broke.  Out in the Street, Alf caught Steve kicking a ball right into the window of the Mini-mart.  So that's the Roberts and the McDonalds not making up any time soon...

Try as he might, @merseytart still can't stop thinking about the gruesome twosome of Deirdre and Jim.   

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The Week In Classic Corrie

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 13th and 15th November 1989

Last week, the Rovers was turned into a boxing ring after Tina rejected the advances of one of the builders.  This week, it turns out she secretly quite liked it and was only playing hard to get.  The gender politics of 1989 are a truly troublesome place.  Rita, meanwhile, has vanished off the face of the earth, and Mavis is literally the only person who cares.  That's not me using literally when I should be saying figuratively (thanks Roy!); everyone else seems to think she's done a moonlight flit to have a holiday without telling anyone, as though that's a thing people in their right minds do.  Boring Dawn Prescott's boring brother turned up and goaded Mike Baldwin about his lack of ambition and general business uselessness.  Obviously this got right up Alpha Male Mike's nose, and he decided to gazump him on a property deal in Spain.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 17th and 20th November 1989

The Rovers and the builders finally had their five a side match, with the pub winning thanks to the intervention of Gazza, a man-mountain brought into the team as a ringer.  It left Alec fifty quid better off, so he was happy.  Tina went out with Eddie the builder, to that most glamorous of Eighties venues: a Pizza Hut, while Mavis went somewhere a lot less exciting - the police station, to report Rita missing.  Obviously they sent her home with a flea in her ear, because nobody cares that Reet's gone.  Most gloriously of all, Ken went to the airport to pick up Wendy Crozier after her Shirley Valentine holiday in Greece.  He took the opportunity to have a quick snog, only to look away and spot Mike Baldwin watching.  And laughing.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 22nd and 24th November 1989

Ken was fretting that Mike might return from Spain and tell Deirdre all about his dirty nights away.  Ah, the days when being abroad meant you were out of contact!  Today he'd have texted her a photo of the filthy pair from the departures lounge.  Wendy couldn't work out why Mike would want to wreck Ken's marriage, while ignoring the fact that the only people wrecking the marriage were her and Ken.  The police finally clocked that Rita's disappearance may be a bit odd, and got Mavis in to identify a woman's body which (obviously) wasn't her.  They did search number 7 though, and finally decided to have a word with Alan Bradley, which annoyed Maurice Jones. 

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 27th and 29th November 1989

Mike returned from Spain, and spent his time stirring the pot.  He sniggered to Deirdre about men who pretend to work late at the office.  Ken went round and confronted Mike and told him Wendy was just a friend; Baldwin quite naturally told him that was a load of rubbish ("I know a bit of skirt when I see one").  He was floored by Dawn's brother Robert telling him the property he'd bought in Spain was worthless.  Tina was shocked to discover that Eddie's "little brother" was actually his son, and decided to end things with him because she thought he was married.  Alan was released by the police, but was sacked from the building site because he was more trouble than he was worth.  It didn't stop the police from searching Rita's house from top to bottom (offscreen, because they didn't want to wreck the set). "This used to be such a quiet little street," mused Alf, apparently forgetting everything that's happened there in the previous three decades.

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 1st and 4th December 1989

Eddie revealed he was a single father, and Tina's heart melted.  She turned up at his house with a teddy bear, all forgiven.  Mike tried to reverse the Spain deal, but the cheque had already been cashed, so he got drunk and lashed out at Dawn.  She packed her bags and left.  In news of other awful men, Deirdre got suspicious about Ken leaving the Recorder, and accused him of having a bit on the side.  Ken did the decent thing and admitted everything - ha, not really, he accused Deirdre of being a suspicious hag who didn't trust him, because he's an awful human being.  The locals finally turned on Alan after months of treating him with utmost respect, but before he got the chance to brain Percy Sugden with a bottle and earn my eternal thanks, the police started digging up the building site in search of Rita's body.  Obviously they didn't find anything, because she was at a hotel in Blackpool, trying to get a singing spot under the name of Rita Littlewood and claiming Alec was her agent.  Outside the hotel, a tram trundled by, ominously...

Monday's episodes are going to see the end of Alan Bradley.  If you're as excited as me, tweet me @merseytart.

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The Week In Classic Corrie

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 20th and 23rd October 1989

It was a historic episode of Corrie, as the show went three episodes a week.  While today they'd have the Rovers explode in a ball of flame to make you tune in to the first regular Friday episode, in the Eighties they just carried on with the usual nonsense.  Martin was still ill, though Ivy was pleased to see he was actually nice to Nicky (I suppose someone has to be); Ken was still squiring Wendy Crozier, ignoring Deirdre and her picnic lunch of two cans of lager and some sarnies; and Audrey was still trying to get Alf to flog number 9 to move into Weatherfield Quays.  At the show's end, however, Alan Bradley turned up on Rita's doorstep and forced his way in.  He then spent half the next episode sitting across the sitting room from her, glowering, and accusing her of being the kind of woman who likes being beaten up.  Fortunately Bet arrived and he vanished out the back.  He went to see Jenny, and gave her the usual load of flannel to convince her that he was a nice guy.  Jenny returned home and accused Rita of being over-dramatic just because the man who tried to murder her forced his way into her home.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 25th and 27th October 1989

Oh Christ, it's Reg Holdsworth.  Curly's got a job as a trainee manager at Bettabuys, and so the gnomish weirdo pops up with his comedy glasses to give him the benefit of his wisdom.  This mostly seems to be telling future Curly girlfriend Kimberly how to stack loo rolls.  There's more new faces at number 11, as Liz and Jim McDonald make their debuts.  Jim tells Audrey "everyone calls me Mac," which is a big fat lie, while Liz comments on how cosy the house is.  It's odd to think that (a) Eileen is living in her best mate's old house and (b) Liz bought it off Audrey, and none of them ever mention this.  Alan was still skulking about, looming over Mavis in the Kabin and trying to get Mike Baldwin to invest in a brand new security business.  Rita was understandably terrified while Jenny continued to blithely whitter on about how great her dad was and people just needed to give him a chance.  I have a high tolerance for Jenny Bradley's nonsense but Rita would've been absolutely justified in belting her.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 30th October and 1st November 1989

I'm all for treating former prisoners with respect and giving them a second chance.  But the folk of Coronation Street were a little bit too friendly towards Alan Bradley for my liking.  He put Rita, resident of over twenty years, in hospital, and yet everyone's chatting to him and serving him pints.  He was working on the building site and periodically staring nastily in Rita's direction.  Vera was noisily making her mark at Bettabuy, laughing like a hyena and getting into rows with the store detective.  Reg Holdsworth passed down an order that she needed to wear less make up, like he was running some kind of upmarket establishment rather than a poor man's Kwik Save.  And the saga of number 11's sale rumbled on, with Alf taking it off the market and Audrey threatening to leave as a result.

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 3rd and 6th November 1989

Jim McDonald was back, so he was, and he was rightly furious about being messed about by Alf and Audrey.  I'm not sure why he's pressing it - the house is a poky little hole and they're not even getting a bargain, because they're paying the asking price.  Finally the Roberts agree to sell the house and move to a nice semi somewhere.  At the Rovers, Tina was being sexually harassed by the builders.  She told them to get lost, but they carried on, eventually trying to feel her up while she collected glasses.  Kevin stepped in to help, only to get thumped for his trouble, as did Curly in the crossfire.   Meanwhile, the Kabin was broken into and trashed; naturally, Rita grassd up Alan Bradley, but it turns out to have been the fault of some random kids who wanted the videos.  Alan took this as well as you'd expect i.e. forced his way into Rita's house and verbally abused her.  He was probably feeling confident after he went in the pub and Alec welcomed him back with a little speech about how he'd paid his debt and he was most welcome.  In a shockingly unrealistic turn of events, Bet stood by his side and let him spout all this nonsense.

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 8th and 10th November 1989

Pretty much everyone in these episodes behaves appallingly.  I was furious watching it.  Alec was angry about the fight the night before, so he naturally turned on the culprits.  Not the rowdy builders - the nice bloke who's drunk in the Rovers for years and the girl who was sexually assaulted.  The Websters were barred, while Tina was ordered to be nicer to the men trying to grope her while she worked and to stop leading them on if she wasn't going to put out.  Bet wasn't much help either, telling an appalling story of when she got beer poured down her top "to see which way it went", and saying the only rational response would be to go in the back and get changed and then go out again.  The Eighties were a different time, folks.  Bet did at least get some money out of Maurice Jones for the broken furniture, and he suggested a five a side match between the two groups to smooth things over.  At number seven, Alan's gaslighting was starting to properly affect Rita's mind, as he let himself into her kitchen and left out the biscuit barrel of documents he'd stolen the deeds from all those months ago.  Reet phoned the police, but they took one look at her empty whisky glass and decided she was just a lush.  It didn't help that all her friends were taking Alan's side.  Jenny kept shouting that Rita was obsessed with him and just needed to get over it - once again, for the people at the back, the man who tried to murder her is now working literally over the road and constantly forcing his way into her house - while even Bet seemed to think Alan wasn't all bad after he intervened in the pub fight.  BET.  Everyone in this episode needed to be sat down and subjected to a lecture about "victim blaming."

@merseytart still can't believe that even Bet took Alan's side.  Outrageous.

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The Week In Classic Corrie

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 18th and 20th September 1989

You know how everyone bangs on about how funny 1989 Corrie is, and how they should make the current show more like that?  They clearly haven't seen Derek Wilton threaten to fight a rival novelty salesman in the Kabin.  It left me utterly stony faced as they went through excruciatingly terrible "humorous" scenes.  Give me misery over that any day.  Speaking of misery, Ivy Tilsley called a council of war to decide what to do about Gail's relationship with Martin.  Don and Alf were very much of the "so what?" school of thought, Audrey wanted to sound a note of caution, and Ivy wanted to have her harlot of a daughter in law branded with a scarlet A and marched through the streets.  Gail cut them both off at the knees, telling them to mind their own business, but it didn't stop Ivy smacking Martin in the middle of the Rovers.  Most significantly, the wrecking balls came in to demolish the factory.  Vera, Jack and Siobhan Finneran had a last minute loot, with the Duckworths running off with the time clock, while Emily sighed sadly as they knocked a hole in the spot where Ernie was killed.  Change is definitely coming.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 25th and 27th September 1989

I actually recapped these two episodes in far greater detail back in 2014.  Read that here then come back for the rest of the week!

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 2nd and 4th October 1989

The factory girls were at their bolshiest, as Emily Bishop lead them in passive resistance to try and get redundancy money from Maurice Jones.  They stormed the building site and blocked a cement lorry.  Their actions attracted the Weatherfield Gazette, but Ken was less keen to feature the story in the Recorder because Jones was a big advertiser.  Jones piled on the pressure by telling him to control his wife, as Deirdre had taken up the girls' cause.  Martin and Gail went public with their relationship, causing much amusement among the young ones of the street (including future best mate Sally).  I mean, a woman of thirty one dating a man of twenty one: who can conceive of such horrors?  Audrey and Ivy continued to sulk, while Gail herself got second thoughts when Martin started making himself at home.  He even brought out a pair of moccasins to wear round the house.  I'd have dumped him there and then.

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 9th and 11th October 1989

The first episode brought us the most swinging party in decades, as Sally and Kevin celebrated their third anniversary.  Total guest list: Mark and some bird from the record shop, Jenny and that terrible Cockney from Tuesday's episodes, Curly (without a date, because Tina would rather pull pints than spend time with him) and Martin and Gail.  The young people were shocked to discover thirty one year old Gail was actually a pleasant human being and fun to be around - who'd have thought?  Rita, meanwhile, had buried herself at home and was refusing to come out ahead of Alan's trial.  She also wore a purple sateen pantsuit, so her mind is clearly wrecked.  Maurice Jones caved and gave the factory girls their redundancy, thanks largely to the efforts of Councillor Deirdre.  She'd been so busy fighting the good fight she forgot to wrap Ken's birthday present.  Because he is a revoltingly self-centred pig, Ken took this as a sign that Deirdre didn't care and went to bed with scarlet woman Wendy Crozier.  The next day, Wendy said she couldn't possibly be his secretary and his mistress.  So she gave up her job at the Recorder.  TROLLOP.

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 16th and 18th October 1989

Nicky and Martin both had mumps, leaving Gail to shuttle between her two sick boys.  (Why Sarah-Louise didn't get ill, we weren't told).  Eventually Ivy turned up to help, but she only dealt with the children, and Martin was left to fend for himself.  I hope he smeared germs all over her coffee cup.  Wendy and Ken continued with the least sexy affair you have ever seen; it's like watching two plates of boiled ham and potatoes rub up against one another.  It was finally Alan Bradley's trial; all Rita's friends told her to not get her hopes up, the police said she'd be a terrible witness, and Jenny was actively pulling for her dad to be released.  Unsurprisingly, Rita was a mess, though she gathered her strength for trial day, only to be told she wouldn't have to testify.  They'd changed the charges against Alan, reducing it from attempted murder to assault, and because he'd already done seven months in prison, they let him out.  The episode ended with a whacking great freeze frame of Alan's evil face, like he was Goebbels was the end of The World At War.  It didn't quite have the same chilling effect.

If you've been affected by issues raised in this week's Classic Corrie, tell them to me on Twitter @merseytart, because they haven't invented the ITV Action Line yet.

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The Week In Classic Corrie

I've been on holiday the last couple of weeks, so I've not been able to update you on the events of 1989.  When I got back I'm afraid the prospect of writing about four months of Corrie was just too much, so I'm skipping ahead to the week just gone.  If you want to know what you've missed, Ken was awful, Alma was fantastic, Mike's thinking of flogging the factory, Vera cut up all Jack's trousers, Alf went disco dancing, and we got the first appearance of Wendy flamin' Crozier.

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 14th and 16th August 1989

The factory was a hive of gossip as the workers discussed the rumour that Mike Baldwin was about to flog the businesses.  He held a staff meeting and told them he had no intention of selling, before meeting up with builder Maurice Jones and saying he'd quite happily sell for an extra fifty grand.  Alma's latest paramour offered to take her out, but only if she brought a mate for his mate, so Audrey tagged along.  Obviously she didn't tell Alf.  Meanwhile, Nicky was being a holy terror - obviously we had to be told this by the other characters, because Warren Jackson remains incapable of expressing human emotions - and he could only be calmed by Martin.  Gail ended up calling him out of the pub to get Nicky to go to bed, and then finished the night with a big old snog.  I hope that's not how she rewards all her child minders.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 21st and 23rd August 1989

Today's episodes were thick with the scent of illicit lusts.  Audrey was horrified when Alma's new bloke turned up in the Rovers and said hello to her, and even more horrified when his mate turned up in the shop selling diet food.  She told Alma she wouldn't get involved in her nights out any longer.  Martin and Gail agreed that their kiss was extremely ill advised, then spent the two episodes staring longingly at one another.  He skipped out of Jenny's results party (two Bs - not good enough for Leeds, but maybe Brighton Poly) and tried to suggest that Gail give him a chance.  She turned him down, because she needed to think of her awful children first.  Finally Ken and Wendy Crozier got closer after she was suspended from the council for being a mole.  "I don't like breaking trusts," she said, apparently forgetting the reason she'd been fired.  "Neither do I," said Ken.  And placed his hand on hers.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 28th and 30th August 1989

Martin filled in for Alma at the cafe, meaning he got to spend the afternoon flirtatiously bantering with Gail.  Eventually he turned up on her doorstop and the two of them let the passion erupt.  Next morning he left a nice note, but he didn't visit her, and Gail later encountered him in the pub with Curly and Jenny, leaving her feeling used.  The banger racing plotline is still lumbering on, with Sally Webster desperate for a drive round the course but her husband constantly putting her down.  She finally took a turn, and immediately rolled the car: take that, feminists!  Mike and girlfriend Dawn Prescott (who had a massive plaster on her chin that nobody mentioned or explained) signed on the dotted line with Maurice Jones; he immediately locked the factory gates and sacked all the workers without redundancy.  They were furious, leading to a lot of sub-par "shocked faces" from the extras because they're not allowed to talk, and making Ivy, Vera and new cast member Siobhan Finneran (yes, the show now features both Rita and Sue) form a council of war.

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 4th and 6th September 1989

The theme of today's episodes was "Women: KNOW YOUR PLACE."  Sally was in hospital with a broken ankle, leading to much lecturing from Kevin about how she shouldn't have put herself in that position and she should stay at home and make his tea.  As it turned out the car was faulty, but never mind.  There was more bad news for women as Ken Barlow continued to snipe about Deirdre putting her council duties above her family.  He deliberately didn't tell her that Tracy was going to Alton Towers, then made snidey remarks when Tracy looked disappointed Deirdre wouldn't be going with her.  He also employed Wendy Crozier (freshly fired from the Council), and had barely finished her induction before he told her how attractive she was; he's an absolute pig, and it's astonishing to think that he's still in the show thirty years later.  Someone should have caved his skull in with a crowbar a long time ago, the sanctimonious oaf.  Meanwhile Martin and Gail were at it like knives, leading to a jealous Jenny sniping from the sidelines.  The episode ended with them scurrying off to the bedroom, accompanied by (a) a long close up of a picture of Brian Tilsley and (b) Nicky attempting to express some kind of emotion as the bedroom door closed behind them.  How DARE Gail try to have a bit of fun when she's a widowed mother of two!  She should be wearing black and chained to the kitchen sink.

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 11th and 13th September 1989

Ken Barlow continued to deny he was doing anything wrong by employing brazen hussy, sorry, "qualified secretary" Wendy Crozier.  He even went round her house to persuade her to take the job.  What a hero.  Deirdre, obviously, was distinctly unimpressed.  Sally returned to the shop, despite her leg being in plaster, only for a combination of her harridan mother and Percy Sugden shaming Alf into sending her home again.  Mrs Seddon immediately started hassling Kevin and Sally into having a baby, little realising that her actions would result in the birth of Rosie Webster.  And that little snake Nicky Tilsley grassed up Martin's overnight visits to Ivy.  She was overjoyed, glad that her daughter in law was getting a little happiness after her miserable year.  LOL, not really, she was shocked and outraged and decided this was the worst thing that could possibly happen.

@merseytart isn't bothered by all the Martin and Gail snogs.  He is bothered by how close the cameraman gets to their wet mouths.

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