Coronation Street Weekly Update, July 6 2009

Hola mi amigos, dos cerveza por favor. With just over a month and a half to go before my Spanish holidays I’m starting to learn the lingo. I’ve got as far as the essentials as you can tell and am raring to impress with my new learned language. But without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update. Ole!

This was the week of a Coronation Street birth, a beating and a bit on the side – and I’m not sure which was the hardest to watch. Let’s start at the very begining, it’s a very good place to start. When you watch Corrie you begin with “Aye up, chuck” and when you puff and pant and give birth to your baby in the cleanest disused beach hut you’re ever likely to stumble across on a deserted beach, you begin with Maria Connor and Tony Gordon. They walked Ozzy on the beach and the sign said “Breakwater” so Maria’s did. Maria screamed at Tony. Tony screamed back. Ozzy ran rings round the pair of them, stole the scene and out of nowhere appeared a woman walking her own dog too, conveniently placed to take Ozzy off Tony’s hands leaving both of them free to deliver baby Liam. So that means Tony killed the old Liam and brought the new baby Liam into the world but Maria’s too dim to know, care or question. It’s in the genes, just look at Kirk, who turns up at th’ospital with an It’s A Girl pink balloon when his sister’s just given birth to an it’s a baby boy. Maria brings Liam home and Tony’s got the place tarted up with flowers and a teddy bear. Maria’s wondering already if she can cope without him when he moves back into his flat but she’s got Audrey, grandmammy and grandaddy floying in from Oireland and of course, the wisdom of Kirk to help her settle into a slummy mummy routine. I’m surprised Claire Peacock hasn’t been round there with the Peacock book of childcare offering to Shake n Vac Maria’s carpets.

Down the road there’s love in the air at the Grimshaw house when Eileen spends the night with Jesse. Problem is, he still lives with his folks. I know, and at his age too, and Eileen gets more of a grilling than the bacon from his mother in the morning. Another Grimshaw in the grip of passion is Jason who ends up spending more than the night together with Tina, they’re planning to get mortgaged and do a property up like they do on those house programmes on the telly and then sell it for a profit, like they don’t. Jason’s light bulb is too low wattage to rearrange these two words: Crunch. Credit. He doesn’t care, he’s got Tina, she’s got him, they’re Weatherfield’s fittest couple, the Posh n Becks of the Manchester suburbs. Nothing can stop them - but David Platt tries. When Tina tells David that she’s with Jason now, he’s upset, you can tell.

When Joe tells David not to give Tina a hard time about her being with Jason now, he’s upset you can tell.

And after David throws bricks from the builders yard at Jason down on the cobbles, he’s upset you can tell. But when he breaks down in tears in his granddad Ted’s arms later at Gail’s house, my Corrie-hardened heart almost broke. I was upset, can’t you tell?

Over at the factory, Rosie’s between the two thorns of Mr Strong and Mr Gordon as she’s now a stake-holder in the knicker factory. She wants to design her own pants, sexy ones, not belly warmers like her mother wears. (Sally wears pants?) Luke and Tony pay Rosie lip service (Luke more so than Tony), they’ve got her money now so they’ll listen to her ideas but it doesn’t mean they’ll let her have her way. She’s promoted to Executive Chair Sitter or something big in the office and she’s over the moon although she’s doing the same clerical job she was doing before, just in a new frock. “It’s Miss Webster, to you all, from now on,” she demands of the staff and her mother on the factory floor. Sally radiates with pride while all the other factory girls and Sean, you know, don’t.

Speaking of Sean, Jason drags him along to the gym where he spots a tasty geezer lifting weights. This was really funny, it’s what Sean does best, as he tried to lift the weights like he’d been doing it all his life when the heaviest thing he’s lifted before was a new cotton bobbin for his sewing machine. Sean’s in the gym jacuzzi with a smile on his face when the new fella, Leon, jumps in with him and guess what, he’s gay too, which fair cheers Sean up but confuses him when Leon wants to know all about Jason instead of Mr T.

At the Windass house this week, with the absence of Gary in the big house for a crime he sort of didn’t commit although he did, you know what I mean, Mr W proposes to Mrs W on the sofa. I know, I thought they were already wed too but apparently not. She’s taken his name, she’s borne his child but Anna Windass, mother of Eee Gary, isn’t the legally married wife of Eee Gary’s dad, Eddie.

More romance hit the Street this week when Emily and Ramsay grow close. You have to say that once the characters get over 60. They grow close. Between 50 and 60 you could say they get it on. Between 30 and 40 they’re allowed to have red wine and as much passion as they can stay up late for, and the under 30s are at it like rabbits but the over 60s, especially when it comes to HRH Mrs Bishop, Saint Emily of the Street, well, she grew close to Ramsay this week.

And finally this week, boring story (for this Corrie fan) of the year so far is Kevin and Molly. You’ll forgive me I hope for not giving you the red! hot! passionate! details that the tabloids are pumping out about Weatherfield’s unlikeliest and unloveliest relationship of the decade but it’s just so very wrong. Kevin wouldn’t do this, not to Tyrone, not with Molly, although yes he may well have a fling to get back at Sally for all the times that she did and he didn’t. But Kevin and Molly together is wrong, wrong, wrong. And it’s still going on, that’s all I’m going to say, except that Sally wants Kev to arrange a birthday party for her, invite “nice people” along and to have finger foods and nibbles. The only nibbles will be Kevin on Molly’s cleavage and the only finger food Sally’s ever eaten comes in a pack of ten, coated in day-glo orange breadcrumbs, with a whiff of the sea and Pollock about it.

And as a PS: I was intrigued to note this week that The Kabin sold a boxed game of Luxury Tiddlywinks. Luxury Tiddlywinks? Does it come with velvet tiddles and satin winks?

And that’s just about that for this week.

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

Coronation Street writers this week were Chris Fewtrell, Simon Crowther and Joe Turner.

Glenda
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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/

Corrie's oddest baby births

In the newly revamped Coronation Street website at ITV, there's a great little video about some of the oddest births on the Street. It's well worth a look to remind yourself how Rosie Webster entered the world from the back of a taxi, which baby Norris Cole helped deliver and which baby was the first to be born in the bar of the Rovers Return. Watch the video here.

Top Shop new range of retro Corrie clothing

There's a fantastic range of Tee and Cake's Coronation Street retro t-shirts for sale in Top Shop.

As well as the Hilda Ogden bag and t-shirt, there's this fab Uncle Albert t-shirt too.

Grab your retro Hilda Ogden shopping bag

Looking for a canvas bag that's both stylish and Street, Coronation Street? Then look no further than this wonderful Hilda Ogden over-the-shoulder bag spotted on Retro To Go.

The bags are available for £10 in Top Shop. I don't know about you, but I'm getting mine tomorrow! There's also a matching Hilda t-shirt here.

Ashley Peacock, loser?

I was looking at the spoilers, as you do, and reading about Ashley and Claire's upcoming crisis. Claire's about to have a miscarriage after suffering a blood clot. That old black dog, depression, kicks in again, fuelled by the guilt she feels that she didn't want to be pregnant anyway, and she's left on the top of the hospital, upset and suicidal. Of course Ashley manages to talk her down. The spoilers don't say that, but you know that's what will happen. But how much can one man take? If Eileen is a love loser, is Ashley a life loser? Every time he does manage to find something good, something really horrible happens. You can read more about it over here.

Should Martin Platt come back to Corrie?

When an ex-Coronation Street actor takes to making his own cheese, you know he's got time on his hands. And when his on-screen ex-wife is set to lose another lover, is it time to bring back Martin Platt into Gail's life? He could be just about the only fella that Gail's ever had that hasn't died an awful death on her doorstep (or nearest canal). So what do we think, Corrie fans, about having Martin Platt back - Yes? No? More cheese, please?

Call it a Night: Friday July 3, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

Written by Chris Fewtrell (7:30pm) & Simon Crowther (8:30pm), Directed by Pip Short.

Open to Maria having contractions on the beach and Tony panicking. The baby is coming! Tony carries Maria off the beach, a la The Bodyguard, and into a beach hut. He then calls an ambulance, however, the baby isn't going to wait for help to arrive. Maria, between screams, says she doesn't want to give birth in a beach hut. Better than where this woman delivered hers. It's too painful to look at Maria's face right now. She's handling it well. She really should be writhing in pain on the floor. Tony looks between Maria's legs and sees a head! He wasn't prepared for that. Neither were we! Tony can see the baby is coming and does what must be done: takes off his shirt. Our shirtless hero scoops the baby up on its way out of the womb. We hear cries, then see a large newborn in Tony's arms. I'm not going to get into the technicalities of this scene, because it's television! I can use enough imagination, they don't need to smear a baby with cream cheese and jam for me. Maria is elated, and Tony lovingly kisses her on the forehead. What a lovely family moment. Er, just a lovely moment. The ambulance arrives later than sooner and that woman with the dog on the beach from before is there staring at Maria in the ambulance. She's rather nosy! Dog Lady offers to take care of Ozzy so that Tony can ride with Maria in the ambulance. Dog Lady refers to Maria as Tony's wife, and Tony almost, but doesn't, correct her. Just as Maria did earlier. At the hospital, Audrey, Natasha, Kirk and Fiz come to see the baby. They go through a tonne of baby name options for her, and Kirk suggests D'Artagnan to everyone's immediate dismissal. Tony says they should all call it a night. Maria later tells Tony she's naming the baby Liam. Well, that's unsurprising since Maria's never really been a woman of much independent thought. I liked D'Artagnan better.

Eddie and Anna go to the prison to see Gary. I know it's kind of tacky, but I really like Anna's jacket. Gary's in John Stape's place in the prisoner visiting room. Gary tells them he deserved what he got and wants to turn his life around. Only he's not so sure that as an ex-con he'll get a good start. Later, Anna is relaxing at home with a foot bath and a tabloid. Wow, except for taste in men, she and I are starting to have a lot in common. Eddie walks down the stairs with his hair slicked back into a ponytail and in a tight red turtleneck. When did he get a job selling used cars? Eddie bumbles down on one knee and proposes to Anna. Wait, weren't they already married? Wait, is that red turtleneck his best shirt? Anna turns him down as he only seems to propose to her out of pity. He says he does this gesture so that she doesn't leave him. Um, a shower and a shave can be extremely effective too.

Steve tries to make up to Becky for being jealous over Slug by booking her another wedding and making her a summer bride. Becky is so happy, since Princess Di was a summer bride. Oh, they just have SO much in common. *rolls eyes* Slug tries to poke holes in Steve McDonald to Becky, but it's not working, as Becky lets him know she loves where she is and doesn't want to blow it. Hmm.

Tina finds Jason and tells him how impressed she is over the flowers he sent. Only, he didn't. She realises that David must have done so. Later, Jason and Tina have their romantic Indian food take-away and Jason checks out the windows in case there's a lurking David around. Tina isn't happy to have David Platt as baggage. Tina suggest that she and Jason get a mortgage and buy a home together to fix up and make money on. Purely a business investment, not a love nest or anything. Uh huh, that's what we all say! This is moving a little fast!

Molly and Kevin look forward to their secret rendezvous later. Kevin gets ready for his "date" with Molly and comes down in a shirt unbuttoned to his belly button! This is Friday night, not Saturday night, but he has got the fever! Sally sees this and tells him to "put it away." Ha ha. Kevin is stuck in the cab office to meet Ben's parents for a pizza dinner with Sally, Ben and Sophie. Sally asks him what he's thinking about. Um, that he'd rather be with Molly than stuck with his wife, daughter and her boyfriend in a stinky cab office with his chest hair concealed? Just a guess. Kevin tries to make an excuse to leave to see Molly. Meanwhile, Molly's all dolled up, and has set out the wine and candles, when Tyrone arrives back early and spoils all their torrid fun. Kevin comes in, but Molly ushers him out the room. Kevin has to endure a night of pizza with his family and some other family. Molly has to endure mindless ice-cream conversations with Tyrone over two bottles of white wine. Poof, out go the candles.

Emily comes into the Kabin and tells Norris and Ramsay that her church desperately needs more volunteers for their next function. Ramsay gallantly volunteers. That turns Emily's frown up-side down! After the function, Ramsay and Emily regale on what a great time they had at the church function to Norris. Ramsay thinks all the other church ladies has eyebrows raised in jealousy over the fact that Emily arrived with an interesting new man. Norris is quick to remind Ramsay that he's a pensioner en-route to Australia, not the Milk Tray Man. I'm suddenly reminded of how much I love Norris. Emily tells Ramsay it's a shame that he has to return to Australia that he really fits in around here. *sees sparks* Ramsay isn't so sure he does fit in around there. Norris can be such a damper!

Elsewhere, Jason takes Sean to the gym. Sean complains about his man-boobs and tells how he put on a turtleneck the other day and looked like Dolly Parton! Oh please, we all know Dolly Parton does not own a turtleneck. Sean notices a rather handsome young gent in their general vicinity so he tries to show off by lifting as much weight as Jason. His face looks just like Maria's who was giving birth earlier. Fail! Oh, Sean. I think we'll be seeing more of this handsome young gent however...

nb. Sorry this review is a little late. I was on vacation, ironically at the beach!

Joe McIntyre to be kiled off in Corrie

Shock news from The Mirror today is that Reece Dinsdale, who plays Gail's fella Joe McIntyre, is to leave Coronation Street - in a coffin! Yes, he's getting killed off in a bizarre plot to do with his addiction to painkillers.

Gold Stars and awards for the week of June 28

Massive Platinum Star of the week (thought it galls me to award it) goes to Tony Gordon for delivering Maria's baby safely in a beach hut.

TARDIS:
Gold Star: Pam's picnic basket. A wide variety of sandwiches, muffins and cakes enough to feel the whole neighbourhood fit in that medium sized basket.

The Weatherfield Runway Fashion awards:
Gold Star: Kirk as Hiya Lowa! Brilliant stuff, though.
Silver Star: Eddie, with hair scraped back and wearing a tight red turtleneck pullover, dressed like one of the Wiggles, Anna reckons.

Bizarre visual:
Gold Star: Jason reckons cows are scary. They stand there staring while they chew, thinking of ways to kill you, in retribution for leather and burgers.

Lines of the week:
Darryl about David's scheme re Gary: "She (Tina) knows you set him up and she knows why." David:"Surely that proves how serious I am about her. If I'm prepared to do that.. " Graeme: "Well as gestures go, beats a bunch of flowers."

Jesse about Kirk:"He went from Hiya Lowa to the Little Mermaid in three seconds." Graeme: "Is it me, or does Kirk look quite good in a dress.... I've had worse looking girlfriends." (Funny stuff!)

Sally: "Put it away, Kevin, nobody wants to see it!" (Molly does!)

Tony to Luke about Rosie: "The only thing lower than that daft lass's neckline is her IQ" (I wonder if Rosie is going to make her mum call her Miss Webster?)

Pun of the week: Ramsay saying goodbye to Jesse and Eileen "Abyssinia!"

Corrie's Fab Photo Friday - July 3, 2009

Oh, if only Coronation Street's Gail knew then what she knows now...

Eddie Yeats made Deputy Lord Lieutenant

Actor Geoffrey Hughes, who played the lovable and wonderful Eddie Yeats on Coronation Street, has been made Deputy Lord Lieutenant for the Isle of Wight. This is almost as bizarre a news story as Martin Platt launches his own range of cheese!

See also: Guess who would love to bring Eddie Yeats back to Corrie?

Corrie's creepy kind of love

Ok, so which is creepier - Kevin and Molly or Tony and Maria? There's an insight into Tony and Maria's relationship over at Digital Spy where the actors talk about their characters on Coronation Street and what draws them together.

But my money's on Kevin and Molly as being the creepiest Corrie affair in decades. I have to watch it from behind a cushion. Not just because it's embarassing to see Kev working up a passion with another woman when his nuts are locked firmly in Sally's handbag, but the whole storyline, for this Corrie fan, is completely out of character for Mr Grease Monkey Webster.

See also: Should Kev Webster grow his moustache back?

In praise of Mollie Sugden as Corrie's Nellie Harvey

The wonderful British actress Mollie Sugden has died this week aged 86 years old. Although she'll be best remembered for her roles in The Liver Birds and Are You Being Served?, Mollie also appeared in Coronation Street as Nellie Harvey, landlady at The Laughing Donkey pub. She could often be seen on-screen with Annie Walker, landlady of the Rovers Return. With thanks to itv.com/corrie

Read Nellie Harvey's profile on corrie.net

Corrie's Martin Platt launches his own cheese

Sweet baby cheeses, you just couldn't make it up. Ex-Coronation Street actor Sean Wilson, who played Martin Platt, has launched his own cheese. Yes, dear, cheese. After playing nurse Platt in Corrie for 20 years, Sean says he decided on a career change while waiting for new roles, and is delighted with his efforts so far.

He told the Manchester Evening News: "I wanted to get out there and do something, instead of sitting and waiting for the phone to ring like actors do more and more now. I've always wanted to be involved in food. I've got something like 300 cookbooks at home. So I thought why not make a living out of it? The first batch of cheese will go on sale from next week in selected delicatessens and supermarkets, with Wilson hoping to open his own dairy by September. Wilson is making several varieties of the dairy footstuff under his Saddleworth Cheese brand.

Corrie archive spin-off now available on DVD

Pardon the Expression was the first ever Coronation Street spin-off and the whole series is now available on DVD. The series follows the mixed fortunes of former Weatherfield boutique owner Leonard Swindley (Arthur Lowe).

Featuring scripts from an award-winning team that included Coronation Street writers Harry Driver, Vince Powell, Geoffrey Lancashire and noted playwright Jack Rosenthal, the spin-off helped to define the type of comic role for which BAFTA winner Arthur Lowe would be most fondly remembered: that of the pompous, quietly floundering buffoon. Betty Driver - soon to be installed behind the bar of the Rover’s Return - also stars as canteen manageress Mrs. Edgeley in this first series of the popular sitcom, originally screened in 1965.