Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 17 January

Evening Corrie fans it’s Kelly here with your Friday night Corrie review.

Over at the hospital Shona has regained consciousness. It should be good news but as she comes around David is shocked to realise that she doesn’t remember him and that in her coma she seems to have turned into Pete Burns (seriously who knew they did lip filler on the NHS?). The therapist tells him that she has serious cognitive and memory issues and will need to go to a neurological rehabilitation centre for…hmm now what could it be…six months to year. David refuses to believe she is going on maternity leave has a brain injury and tries to jog her memory by bringing Lilly and Max into the hospital and showing Shona their wedding album. Both plans fail miserably. Shona mistakes Max for Clayton and is scared and distressed at seeing pictures of a wedding she has no recollection of. Still, if someone told you that you had Gail for a mother-in-law you might consider memory loss to be something of a blessing.

Meanwhile Paul is feeling upset about Kel so Sean tells him about Bernie’s ridiculous entrapment plan. Paul is initially furious with his mum but still agrees to go with her to the park where she’s thinking she’ll be able to film Kel making a confession. Somehow by the magic of technology this is all streamed to Gemma’s laptop, (don’t ask me how, I’m writing this blog with a quill and some ink), and before you can say ‘inadmissible evidence’ Gemma rushes to the park to join in with the sting. When Kel arrives Bernie’s subtly jumps out on him brandishing her phone and shouts at him to admit that he was trying to meet with a 14-year-old boy. Unsurprisingly he doesn’t take too kindly to this and they have a scuffle ending with her grabbing his bag and him running off. When the Winter clan  find that the bag contains lager and condom’s they rush to the police but are bemused when they’re told that carrying lager and condoms isn’t actually illegal and that their entrapment could have wrecked any possible case against Kel. 

Over at the café, Nina drops in to return Hayley’s sewing machine and Roy invites her up to the flat for a cup of tea. He’s delighted when she suggests they play a game of chess and as they bond over the merits of the Queen, he warns her against internalising grief and again suggests she move in with him away from her harassing neighbours. Fiercely protective of her independence Nina again refuses. I just love these two together and would happily watch a whole episode of them, so I’m hoping that her pride is quite short-lived. In other intellectual news Abi passes her Maths and English GCSE’s to the delight of Brian.

Over at No. 6 the hideous waste of organs that is Geoff (or H-woo as he shall now be called) is continuing his torment of Yasmeen. He isolates her further by persuading her to stay away from Speed Dahl (and therefore anyone who isn’t him), before graciously doling out £10 for her to buy more cleaning products. Later when he comes home and she’s made him a lovely meal he complains that it’s chicken rather than lamb before guilting her further by producing a bottle of non-alcoholic wine. He also insidiously hints that she shouldn’t see Cathy anymore. Oh just enough now H-woo you odious ugly little man!

Finally, Fizz is being blanked by all her alleged friends who have never done anything wrong in their lives. Then to make matters worse, Jade deliberately causes a scene in the street. Making sure she’s got an audience, she tells Fizz that she never intended for her to lose her kids but she has only got herself to blame. Before Fizz loses her temper, Evelyn gets involved and brilliantly turns her Corrie battle-axe all the way up to 11 as she tells Jade in no uncertain terms what she’d like to do to her. Jade wisely leaves before getting a Plumber pounding but when she’s alone she pulls out Hope’s passport and books two one-way tickets to France for the pair of them. Poor France, no doubt they thought that they could leave riots and civil unrest in 2019 and now Hope Stape is on her way. I predict the whole country will be burnt to the ground by Valentine’s Day. Sacre Bleu!

And that's all for tonight. If any of you can dream up any appropriate medieval torture for H-woo do let me know in the comments or on twitter @mskelstar. Catch you back here in a fortnight. 

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Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 4 October

Evening Corrie fans, it’s Kelly here with your Friday night review.

Up in her bedroom Asha is googling make-your-own home skin lightening cream, she quickly shuts her laptop down as Dev walks in. Still furious with her for stealing his credit card, he tells her she’s grounded and banned from the Bugsy Malone rehearsal. When Mary makes the very valid point that taking part in the school play was supposed to improve Asha’s confidence, Dev backs down and lets her go. Mary (who has also stepped in as stage manager) accompanies her to the rehearsal wearing her best Sally Bowles scarf ensemble. Unfortunately, a grounding might have been better as it all goes a bit Mean Girls. Pastel-Blue accompanied by one of her cronies corners Asha, accuses her of stealing the boy she liked and calls her ugly. As Asha runs off followed by a worried Mary, she cries that she’s quitting the show as she believes the bullies are right and she is ugly.

Over at the Websters Annie Lennox Debbie, who clearly didn’t get the memo that it’s a bit chilly in Manchester in October, is still trying to persuade a reluctant Kevin to take her £200k inheritance. Kev is unconvinced saying he doesn’t need the money. He may have a point, I seem to remember him winning about the same amount on a scratchcard about 10 years ago. What did he do with that money? I think we can safely say that it wasn’t invested in a new designer wardrobe. Finally, Kev agrees he will take the money but will divide it between him and his three kids. So that’s a maternity break trip to the far east sorted for Sophie. Rosie will probably spend hers on a Brazilian butt lift and a new trout pout.

Meanwhile Fizz has started her first day at Gary’s dodgy furniture shop. She spends the morning loitering in a corner and wittering in on about repurposing and upcycling in her nauseating child-like voice. Gary just about tolerates it, but when she makes some notes in his little black book of whose legs to break, he loses it and shouts at her and she immediately quits. I surprised she lasted that long to be honest. If I had to listen to Fizz for a whole morning it’d be a straight choice between stapling my own ears shut or removing her windpipe with an antique backscratcher. However, a bit later in the pub Jade persuades Gary to give Fizz her job back so that she can stick around looking after Hope.

At the Connor/Preston residence, the Queen of the Universe is flouncing about because her job with pervy Ray is now unbearable. She fesses up to Robert about Ray making a pass at her which makes him frown in a sort of mildly constipated way and plan some sort of daft revenge involving applying for a chef’s job at Ray’s company under the name of Steve McDonald(?) Everything about this is daft actually. Why wouldn’t Michelle just quit? She says it because of the Bistro franchise, but this was only mentioned about two weeks ago. It can’t have been set up that quickly.

Elsewhere Paul is still intent on leaving especially after an oblivious Gemma invites him to dinner with Bernie and Kel. Billy tells him running away is the worst thing he can do and begs Gemma to talk him out of it. She succeeds, and Paul agrees to stay but he tells Billy he still wants to forget about everything that happened with him and Kel.

Back at No.7  having heard about the bullying Dev goes to see Asha on her bedroom. He asks her what is going on, but when she clams up he rips open her parcel and finds the jar of skin lightening cream. He’s horrified as his daughter lifts her sleeve to show him bleeding and peeling arm. She tells him everyone in Mumbai uses it and it’s just like a white girl using fake tan. When she seems determined to continue using it Dev rips down all her posters of light-skinned Bollywood stars. Downstairs he breaks down to Mary telling her it’s all his fault for taking her to India. When they go to talk to her, they find her and all her things gone. Luckily, she’s only made it as far as Amy’s where she meets a firm but sympathetic Liz. After giving Asha a motherly ear, she tells Dev that he needs to listen to his daughter. Swallowing his pain Dev gets her to open up to him and Asha tells him that the skin lightening burns and hurts but it’s all worth it because she hates what she sees when she looks in the mirror. It’s heart breaking.

And that’s it for this week.
What do we think Jade’s game is Corrie fans? Given the ridiculousness of the current plots I’m calling long-lost and never before mentioned sister of John Stape back to wreak her revenge on his widow. You heard it here first.

Tell me what you think in the comments or on twitter @mskelstar.
See you a fortnight byeeeee.

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