Good evening from Coleford, not my usual abode, as tomorrow I shall be going to see progress on the rebuilding of a steam engine.
First up, I think we should write a memo to Leanne and Simon. Hi, Leanne and Simon, do you remember in January 2021 Leanne was not overly keen on the world at large? Do you recollect that she went into hiding (even though everyone thought she was in France with Eva)? Can you recall that she was actually hiding in her own flat? And now Toyah's missing and she is not with her cousin! Any bright ideas because we know the writers and producers would never recycle a plot. So well done R'Kelly who wants a picture from the flat of her with Imran and finds R'Toyota is a dishevelled mess on the sofa. Kelly soon talks her round so that she can sort the funeral with Georgie-Porgie for "tomorrow" which no doubt will be on Monday.
Memo to David and Maria. Holiday rotas are extremely complex and should be carefully maintained in a single highly visible location. So I side with David, all good hairdressing emporiums have a book so that you can instantly see how busy you are and if anyone can take a day off at short notice in case they want to check the snugness of the duvet. Some modern places have discovered computers but frankly the time it takes to fire the thing up, open the right programme and then find the current day is really not as satisfying as turning the page. Of course if you do have two systems because David Platt (32 next birthday) is not highly computer literate and Maria Windass (it is rude to mention a ladies' age but her next birthday number will end in a zero) uses state of the art technology then you need to employ someone to keep congruence between the two systems or you end up with David having a duvet day with Shona (who is on a duvet week) whilst Maria has an important recycling meeting with the council, which despite her huge grasp of technology involves her carrying around so much paper. She later explains the concept of keeping bottles separate from the rest of your rubbish to Rita and Cathy who may just have shared some rather good bottles of alcohol in the Rovers and struggle with the need to save energy by keeping glass separate. And frankly who can blame them - in Rita's case the rest of her rubbish is probably so minuscule that separating it from the bottles is just not worth the effort.
Memo to Shona. I am not sure a duvet week means you have to wear it around the house; and if you continue to eat David's bhajis as well as your own you will be up needing a larger duvet.
Memo to Mrs Crawshaw. I almost feel sorry for you when two children both tell you they have been cheating. But take a look at the facts. No boy would use colour coded cards. No boy would use neat print like writing. A boy would scrawl untidily inside his white cuffs and elsewhere that could not be noticed. So when Summer tells you she was the one what dunnit she must be lying. Oh what was that? They are Aadi's cards? He did give them to Summer? She just threw them over the floor to ensure she got caught? So Aadi did not cheat and Summer did. And when she turns up for the three dads' celebration not only was Billy missing (again) but Todd sounds off - as if he has never done anything wrong in his life - which is a bit rich as Paul soon points out. I am starting to think that Billy has some sort of contract preventing him from being in any scene with both Paul and Todd. One or the other - but never both. Anyway Summer is so upset at being believed that she cheated she breaks up with Aaron just because she is in need of some "space".
Daisy is trying to inject some life into the Rovers and as the craft beer is off they are going to have a cocktail-making session which Cathy believes will reinvigorate her relationship with Brian as the latter is still wedded to the idea of moving to Cornwall. Brian goes out and Cathy finds a stack of papers he leaves behind by accident.
Fiz is creating the wedding invitations. Phill is allegedly on home improvement duties and taking the invitations to the post office. Cackhandedly, the crack in the living room ceiling goes viral and there is milky caramel paint everywhere but mainly on the unposted invitations. Evelyn rescues Fiz and suggests she stays for a few days whilst Phill gets the house improved from hugely decaying money pit to an inhabitable space. Fiz seems to be glad to be away from the disaster zone.
Adam has the memory of an elephant and recalls that Toyah told him that if she found Imran had been lying she would kill him. Kelly has to see Adam to get a spare key to the flat and lets slip that Imran had told her about the lying and that he was going to tell Toyah. Adam seems to overlook that Toyah is his client and speeds off to the police station, avoiding all dangerous buildings on the way round the corner from his office to the cop shop {those who have visited the set will know of what I speak} and tells DS Swain about Toyah's anger. She does not immediately believe him.
That is my lot for this evening.
Written by Owen Lloyd-Fox. Directed by Tim O'Mara.
Kosmo
