Five Things we Learned from Classic Coronation Street this week

 

Weatherfield's very own Fanny

Cradock that is. Bet, taking offence at some less than flattering comments from an unknowing Mavis in the Corner Shop, set out to prove that she was capable of becoming the world's best housewife. Alec was appalled at the thought of Bet ditching her gleaming pumps for a life of pinny-clad servitude even if she does "grill a decent chop". Mrs Gilroy wasn't listening though as she sent off a convoluted shopping list to Alf's (she even bought some of Sally's garlic croutons, proving our Sal was always a bit above herself). Bet spent the morning on her table setting, struggling to make swans out of napkins and burning her toast corners. 

Sadly, all Bet's guests dropped out and Emily and Mavis (or Hinge and Bracket as Alec had nicknamed them earlier in the week) were forced to endure Bet's lumpy casserole and flacid meringue. Our Rovers landlady definitely put the cock in coq au vin. The Gilroy pair sitting round the dinner table with Mave and the Bish was a delicious comedy of errors and Thelma Barlow shone as the twittery Mavis, suffering from endless coq in mouth syndrome as Bet's facade crumbled. Julie Goodyear and Roy Barraclough brought such vim and vigour to the Rovers Return and they are a constant, comedic joy. There was real heart and love in their relationship and that balanced out the comedy oh so nicely.

French Farce

 

I guess we forget in these modern cosmopolitan days that not so long ago French France seemed a million miles away. In those far off, pre-Brexit days, people didn't just swan off to la belle France at the drop of a beret. Unless you're Jenny flamin' Bradley that is. Good lord but she's an irritating little ginger madam. Taking advantage of innocent young Martin Platt once more (after trapping him upside down in Reet's Fiesta not so long ago) Jen conned herself a ride to a life of sunburn and soggy grapes in the south of France. Selfish little feather-headed Bradley didn't return with Martin though, after swanning off with some French piece by the name of Patrice Podevin. Cue as many dubious French stereotypical references as you could shake an 'Allo 'Allo shaped stick at. I was waiting for Alan Bradders to drop in a mention of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies.

Jenny eventually drifted back to Rita and Alan, who had spent the week beside themselves; Alan threatening to thump anything with male genitalia and Rita sniping at Mavis as if she'd just caused a Weatherfield aniseed ball shortage. PATrice (as Jenny kept addressing him) soon charmed Alan and Reet with cheap wine and some form of worryingly described lace frillies. I just hope the wine was for Alan. Jenny spent the rest of the week's episodes prancing around the street, ring first, shoving it under everyone's nose. We all know it ain't going to end well, after all PATrice has already endured bed and breakfast at the Rovers at £20 a night. I can only hope he wasn't offered the leftovers from Bet's beanfeast for brekkie. 


Glossop calling Susan

 

Mike Baldwin was over the moon this week, resplendent in a rather dashing grey pleather sports jacket. What's not to love? After weeks of Susan slumping herself through those kitchen swing doors at St Mary's Place, she finally confirmed she was pregnant with MVB's baby. Scottish wines and cigars all round! Except poor little bitch girl Sue isn't exactly over the moon at the thought of being (as someone delightfully put it) "up the stick" with the fruit of Mike's loins. Shudder. Susan keeps bleating on about having a life, having a career before settling down to motherhood. To be honest, even if she was a decent actress, that would be as much a possibility as Jack Duckworth managing to clean his own chimney without getting soot in Vera's bottom denture.

There was a glimmer of hope for 1987 viewers when Mike whisked Susan away to a remote farmhouse in Glossop - the ideal place to bring up a family. And the best place for Susan, away from those pesky Granada camera and acting stuff. Fear not, this dreary little tale will soon be at an end as Sue hops off back to Newcastle in her bought and paid for Austin Metro, boot rammed with man-made fibres. Bill Podmore's decision to dispense with the services of Susan Baldwin could not come a moment too soon. Sadly, we'd have to wait a few more years before she'd return one last time, complete with a head transplant and a secret son, before she'd be axed forever at the hands of Billy Gurny Gums. But, hey, I'm straying into Oates territory here so I'll stop.

The Germaine Greer of the Gazette

 

Ken Barlow was once again delivering in spades this week. Despite the fact he's endured on our screens for nigh on sixty years and that he's got a head of hair a man half his age would kill for, we are often remiss in recalling just what a big-headed, ego-centric, pompous old windbag Kenneth is. After pushing poor old Alf into heart attack territory (therefore denying Audrey her oats for the month of May) Ken shoehorned Deirdre through a dodgy demi-wave and a move to even bigger bins and into the council. Ken managed to be a proud husband for all of five minutes until Deirdre started to develop a brain away from the potato peeler and the tumble dryer and actually started to enjoy council work. 

Ken's outdated, Victorian, patriarchal attitudes led me, in a moment of madness, to label him a bell**d on Twitter this week and for that I will never apologise. Deirdre, sick of Ken's moaning, trotted off to Bournemouth with Alf Ventress from Heartbeat for a week on waste disposal. Yes Ken, your wife would rather talk turds in the conference suite of a Ramada Inn than spend time with you. Stick that in your Gazette and choke on it. 

Sally's Supermarket Sweep

 

Finally this week, I must mention dear little Sally Webster, already exhibiting signs of the social climbing snob we all know and love today. Cosy in her new job working with Alf at the mini market, Sally is a bright ray of sunshine, energetically trying to flog the aforementioned garlic croutons to Emily Bishop, spreading gossip with Audrey and moaning about Kevin's lack of get up and go. Just you wait, luvey. What I did notice though on several occasions was Sal's inability to work the till, add up and deliver her lines all at once. Now Renee Roberts might have been a bit dull and more suited to anything starring Hylda Baker (one for the teenagers there) and Maggie Clegg might have legged it to Zaire in the middle of pricing up the tinned pears but at least they could operate a till a good deal less vicious that Arkright's. It seemed that everything anyone ever bought always amounted to 38p. I guess when you've got young Kevin's be-jeaned buttocks pressed up against the dairy counter, your coordination is bound to go right out the window.

And I leave you with my pic of the week - Bet had popped in to the Corner Shop for a packet of Alec's favourite beef burgers and picked up more than she bargained for from Mavis Riley. If looks could kill...

Until next time...

I'm on Twitter @GraemeN82 if you fancy a natter.

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Five things we've learned from Classic Coronation Street this week

 

I was overjoyed when the announcement came that ITV3 would start re-running classic episodes of Coronation Street. To begin with, I was disappointed the network wasn't going to show episodes from earlier on - I believe the mid 1970s to early 80s to be the golden age for the show - however I can now see the benefits in starting in 1986. The episodes broadcast this week are modern enough to feature a vast number of characters viewers today will still be aware of, either because they are still regularly on our screens or because their time has only recently been and gone.

Coronation Street in 1986 featured regular characters who stlll appear today - Ken, Rita, Jenny, Audrey, Gail, Sally and Kevin. The likes of Deirdre, Emily, Jack and Vera, Betty and Hilda are still very much in our consciousness too. Early '86 also began some long running stories, introducing Sally Seddon to enliven Kevin's life for many years to come and most of all, the start of the three year Alan Bradley saga. 

I have been tasked with cobbling together a blog on five things we've learned from this week in the life of Classic Coronation Street on ITV3.This past week saw Vera lose her job, Susan walk out on hers (who can blame her, sat in that horrid office with the Melvyn Bragg of the Weatherfield Recorder) and Sally contemplating employment which would involve a 20 minute bus ride. That wouldn't even be written into the script these days what with everyone working a cough and a spit from their front doors.

Betty's back (again)

It made perfect sense for Betty to leave her hotpot recipe to him

This week Betty Turpin made her 843rd return to the Rovers after doing one of the following: walking out / retiring / stropping off / going to her Gordon's / sleeping with Phyllis Pearce / stealing Newton and Ridley pint pots. Now, two of those aren't true (well, only one if you're Phil Collinson). Betty returned from Wimbledon early as her Gordon had been called away on urgent business. Something to do with Jenny Seagrove's understudy refusing to work with Jack Douglas in a provincial tour of Run for your Wife. 

Anyway, Betty was back and so was her delectable hot pots (steady on, you at the front). Her red cabbage simmering away on the hot plate, all was well with the world. Unless you're Percy Sugden, more of him later. Sally Seddon flew into a strop herself when her corned beef barms were not considered appetising but Kev went ahead and proposed to her anyway. I look back fondly to the days when time was given over to cover the little every day things like the quality of the grub in the Rovers. Who can forget the drama that emanated from Mavis Riley's barb about the standard of Billy Walker's chutney? And what about that memorable occasion when Dame Annie Walker of Clitheroe introduced home made soup to the Rovers menu only for binman Eddie Yeats to find empty industrial soup tins in the back yard? Small beer to some (pun intended), but the writing, situations and performances always did it justice.

Susan Baldwin, one of Thatcher's Children

Time for Coq au Vin chez Baldwin

There were far too many scenes of Susan Baldwin this week featuring way too much dialogue. I've become quite obsessive about Susan, repeatedly checking the Corriepedia entry which details her final appearance in November 1987. Even at two episodes each week day, that still seems a long way off to me. This last week has seen Susan stomp about attempting to convince anyone who'll listen that she's capable, well-educated and a good actress. Susan wants a job. She's sick of microwaving Fray Bentos pies in Mike's kitchen and having to navigate those louvre doors while continuing on with her dialogue. 

It's a big ask for us to believe that Susan is hungry for success and wants to join the shoulder-padded Jackie Ingrams of the North West, especially when Mike manages to manipulate her in the space of 30 seconds. Before long all is forgotten and she's popping on that pinny and putting the cock in her coq au vin for one of Baldwin's unsavoury business associates who quite clearly has a wandering eye. This guy looked like something out of Rita, Sue and Bob Too and it's surely only a matter of time until his sweaty mitts are preventing our Susan from slopping out the trifle. 

Percy Sugden, Piecan in Chief

Here's Percy!

I may be looking back through rose-tinted pint pots, but I honestly don't remember Percy Sugden being quite as irritating as he actually was in 1986. Meddling in everyone's business, raising poor Alf's blood pressure (surely that's Audrey's job) and clucking about like the Ena/Albert Hybrid he undoubtedly was, Sugden really was annoying. He ticked me off this week almost as much as Derek did last week, all mealy mouthed snivelling and pate a la maison. I'd also forgotten that Perce had a link with the Webster family, with Elaine having wed Kev's dad Bill. My interest in that subplot had waned before I'd finished typing this sentence.

Apparently Bill Waddington used to write his lines on the inside of Percy's flatcap which is why he kept craddling it as he ranted at Gail about the quality of the caff's toasted teacakes. Bill left Coronation Street for the last time in 1997 and it was reported afterwards that he was dismayed with the amount of sex and scandal on the cobbles in the Brian Park era. Goodness only knows what Waddington would make of the Street today! My favourite Percy moment from recent episodes was seeing him charging down the street in his night attire as smoke poured from the Rovers. I never knew he had it in him.

On location with Brian and Gail

I'm not sure Brian and Gail stopped for afters

The war of the Tilsleys continued this week with Brian the Teeth being thoroughly unpleasant, demanding Gail have an abortion. Ivy's reaction to this news was priceless. I always loved it when her faith in golden boy Bri was severely tested and once again it proved that before the Powers That Be completely mucked up the character of Ivy, Lynne Perrie was capable of some amazingly powerful, down to earth and moving performances. As divorce proceedings moved on a-pace, Brian and Gail met up for yet another poisonous exchange out on location in what looked like the conservatory of a Harvester off the M62. Oh the glamour.

As Brian tried to act all angry, I was constantly distracted by his Vauxhall Conference footballer hairstyle, blimey what a weave. During this scene I worked out that Helen Worth was the same age at the time of filming that I am now. A sobering thought for all concerned. I couldn't tell from her reaction shots whether Gail was yearning for Brian to shut his gob so she could take advantage of a lull at the salad bar or just because like the rest of us, she was completely sick of him. Don't worry lovey, it's surely only a matter of time before Sir Peter Hall snaps our Brian up for a season at the National.

Kev'n'Sal - Happily Ever After

Three's Company

Lovely scenes this week as Kevin and Sally got engaged. I absolutely adored this storyline as it was full of genuine warmth, hope and affection. The trio of Kevin, Sally and Hilda Ogden was really starting to gel and it was a heartwarming watch. Despite glitches like neither the Webster nor Seddon families actually giving a monkeys and Sally walking out of her job at the Rovers, they still ended up sipping Bacardi and cokes with Mrs O to toast their future happiness.

Watching this, a tad moist-eyed, it made me think how sad it was that the Websters ended up the way they did. I know that's life and Corrie must reflect that but the young Kev and Sal were so sweet and believable together and it just worked. I know they got a bit bogged down and boring in the mid-90s when Sally dressed like a downtrodden Bananarama reject and Kevin lost his tache, but for me it all got a bit much when Kev starting bunking down with that piece from Loose Women and Sally prostituted herself with him from As Time Goes By to pay for Rosie's school fees. As we can see today, that was a wise investment Sal. 

Rosie Webster: Pride of Oakhill

Until next week!

Classic Coronation Street is broadcast on ITV3 every week day at 14.40 and 15.15, repeated from 6am the next day.

You can follow me on Twitter @GraemeN82

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