By Stephen Leach, who is in Twitter @SirTerenceBoot - read all of Stephen Leach's guest blogs here.
Is there a single person in the UK who didn't see Roy having a secret half-brother coming? Honestly, it'd probably be quicker to list all the people in Soapland who don't have a long-lost child or sibling than those who do (I'm going to take a punt and say that Sally will be the next one). Maybe one day there'll be a truly genre-aware character who won't be surprised by the revelation, and will simply shrug and cheerfully say "yeah, me mam/dad (delete as appropriate) did put it about a bit, didn't they? Figures."
Speaking of mams, I'm glad that Bernie has finally been given something else to do other than try and swindle freebies out of everyone she meets. Having an emotional breakdown over her son's sexual abuse wouldn't have been my first choice, but I suppose it's something. She didn't get off to the best start: it's as if the writers heard everyone who found Gemma annoying and decided that if they introduced someone even more obnoxious, they'd forget their ire towards Gemma. It's almost worked on me. By the way: church cleaner? That's a made-up job if ever I heard one; Billy's never even there. He seems to get more work done in the cafe than anywhere else. (Also, would anyone really want to buy loo roll with Chesney and Gemma's gurning faces on the packaging? What a revolting thought.)
Meanwhile, I have a theory regarding Hope and Roobeh (or Herp and Roobeh as I instinctively went to type their names – Asha and Aadi, of course, are still Asda and Aldi, while I just think of Liam, with his chirpy not-remotely-Manchester-accent, as Oliver Twist). My suspicion is that Herp's naughtiness isn't entirely her own doing: I think Roobeh might be pulling the strings, whispering suggestions into Herp's ears to get her into trouble. The way in which she was sat there, all prim, looking like butter wouldn’t melt (“I’m a good girl!”) when Fiz found Herp cutting up her clothes… you’ve got to wonder. With Kirsty for a mother, I’d be amazed if some form of wickedness didn’t emerge in her at some point. Granted it’s a little early – children in Weatherfield usually aren’t heard from until their inevitable teen pregnancies – but she might be one to watch.
So who is Jade exactly, and what dreadful secret is she hiding? Could she be a nefarious child-snatcher? Could she be plotting to diddle Fiz out of money? Could she simply just have the hots for Tyrone? (A ridiculous notion, but I include it solely for the sake of covering all possible bases.) Or might she, as some have suggested, be a relative of Herp’s felonious father, the legendary John Stape? I wouldn’t put it past the writers; it wasn’t long after Emma appeared that fans were tweeting their theories that she could be Steve and Angela’s long-forgotten daughter, and lo and behold it turned out to be the case. Come on Corrie writers, you can do better than that – that’s one step up from taking your inspiration from fan fiction. And not even good fan-fiction: the seven-page story I wrote about Tracy Barlow and Karen McDonald battling it out on the wing of an aeroplane in flight (admittedly, I was in Year 5 at the time) was heaps better.
Moving on. Tragically, it's happened again: Robert Preston is the latest in a long line of characters who were somewhat interesting and principled when they first appeared, but rapidly became a spineless, wearisome bore. Maybe that's just the effect of going out with Michelle, but then what were Sinead and Rana's excuses? (Speaking of which, a moment of silence for dear Sinead. Okay, moment over.)
I've rather taken to Tyler's mum in recent months, though. Much like Bernie, she didn't make the greatest first impression, but having Michelle shouting the odds about how much better and more beautiful than her she was certainly endeared her to me. (I cracked up at "Who do you think you are, Pippa Middleton?" Well no, because Pippa isn't actually royalty - Michelle would almost certainly have said Kate instead.) My sympathy would probably be more inclined to the woman who's just been unceremoniously dumped and left to raise a baby on her own, but as usual the show seems to expect us to weep for Michelle. Hard pass. Less than 12 hours after finding out he got another woman pregnant and she's already got a plan in motion to get revenge, for which she dragged Adam away from his aunt's funeral. My heart bleeds. "Who dies?" scream the tabloid headlines every year when we approach the impending Christmas catastrophe, and my answer is almost always "Michelle, god willing." Even when she's not involved in the storyline.
I suppose it's too much to wish for another tram crash. Or another bus crash. Or even a plane crash - has that ever been done before? Maybe next year when Corrie turns 60. A boy can dream.
By Stephen Leach, who is in Twitter @SirTerenceBoot - read all of Stephen Leach's guest blogs here.
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9 comments:
A church cleaner isn't a made up job - when I was a kid, families in our community took turns cleaning the church, and I spent more Saturdays than I care to remember vacuuming, polishing pews, dusting, etc.
Someone's got to clean it right?
Yes, that's true, but I think what Stephen is implying is that it's usually a voluntary role, rather than a paid one. And Bernie wouldn't do it without being paid, I'm sure. Where are all Billy's parishioners I wonder?
Yes, but you'd still need references, whether it was paid or unpaid. Why would Billy trust Bernie without these, simply because she's a new neighbour?
Granted Kirsty has mental issues but Ruby has been raised by her father who is a hardworking kind man.
When Ruby said that she was a good girl,it was because she wanted to make it clear to Fiz that she didn't do anything bad that Hope did as Fiz kept quiet about Hope's earlier bad behaviour and let Ruby take the blame as revenge for Tyrone having a one night stand with Gemma and Fiz is still keeping Hope's bad behaviour[the fire in the factory] a secret from Tyrone.
I think Jade is now coaching Hope in her bad behaviour.
I absolutely agree that Robert is the latest in a long line of characters whose first performances are encouraging but then fizzle out. Jenny is a character who could have gone either way, equally Tim, but both have been saved by having great chemistry with their partners. Poor Robert/Tristram hasn't had much luck at all. What worries me more is the patchy storylines Peter is getting. Chris G doesn't need mega tragedy to show his talent and is currently just stuck in Daniel's storyline, doing nothing else. Does he never have a drink and a laugh with Steve to take his mind off the sadness? The actor will get fed up and leave. Worse still, Peter will hardly be missed.
Emma is Steve and Fiona's daughter.
Evelyn is Tyrone's grandmother not mother.
Great blog Stephen. You need to do more.
I feel like the writers are too scared to actually kill off Michelle despite ample opportunities. Robert is more likely to be the victim of the "Christmas Murder" than anyone else and Michelle will end up with everything just like she wanted.
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