Queen of the Universe haters look away now as this is a big Michelle episode. In the Bistro as Carla chatters away merrily Ms Connor is completely distracted. Normally this would mean that she was thinking about how utterly amazing she is, but this time it’s because she is looking through her errant fiancé’s phone. Unfortunately it seems he’s been clever enough to have deleted any suspicious messages from Vicky (though apparently not clever enough to use a passcode). Carla, clearly the brains of the outfit, tells her to ring the Stoke Re-offenders Programme, which is where he is claiming to be. They of course have never heard of him, so Weatherfield’s answer to Cagney and Lacey use some kind of technology to track him to Vicky’s house. I really have no idea how this worked but then again I can get lost using Google Maps and feel strongly that Alexa might be in league with the devil, so I am not the person to ask.
As they wait outside in the car Robert is in the process of splitting up with Vicky. The selfish git tells her that the car accident has made him rethink his life and he’s realised he doesn’t want to be with her. The man really is lower than a snake’s undercarriage. Devasted Vicky reminds him that he stopped her from starting a new life in Ireland with Jed, a man who for all his faults, actually did want her. As their argument spills out onto the street, Michelle and Carla see them and it’s quite obvious they’re a lot more than just passing acquaintances. It looks like Big Daddy is busted and Michelle might actually have realised that other people exist!
Meanwhile at No. 1 Claudia and Ken have returned from a fruitless trip to Scotland having failed to find Daniel and Bertie. Hardly surprisingly really as it transpires that the floppy-haired scamp has been in Cheshire all this time. Peter goes to the rescue and tracks him down sitting on a hillside talking to Sinead. Peter tells him he needs to come home and face his responsibilities and that Sinead wouldn’t want Bertie to be celebrated from his family, but Daniel says he can’t face going back to their home. Peter eventually leaves without him, telling a disappointed Ken that he doubts Daniel will be back for the funeral.
In other news Amy gets jealous when Maria asks Emma when she’s moving back to the flat. In a bid to keep her sister around a bit longer she does a fake dive that an Italian footballer would be proud of and pretends to have twisted her ankle. When it looks like they won’t be able to go to see Little Mix together she fesses up to her lie, but lovely Emma understands and tells her that when she moves home they can still spend time together. Also, Billy offers Bernie a job as a cleaner at the church but when he later sees her celebrating her employment with Kel he warms the slimeball to stay away from No.5.
And so back to Michelle…she returns to the flat to find Robert already there. He starts straight in with another lie about having jacked in his job with the young offenders but she stops him and tells him she knows he’s been in Macclesfield with his pregnant Irish girlfriend. As everyone watching collectively sucks their breath over their teeth and shouts ‘OOOOO BUSTED!’ at the telly he lies again claiming he and Vicky were never together and it was a one-night stand that happened while they were on a break. Which is an excuse that didn’t work for either her previous husband or Ross from Friends! Michelle storms out and goes straight around to confront ‘the other woman’.
Poor Vicky, as if it isn’t bad enough to be six months pregnant and dumped by a two-timing man who looks like a surprised stoat, now she has to deal with a poker-haired arm-folding egomaniac who comes to her house and calls her an ageing skank who steals other women’s men. Remarkably she is very restrained and doesn’t knock Michelle’s teeth out. Instead she tells her that she was in a relationship with Robert and produces the engagement ring her gave her. The Queen of the Universe obviously cannot believe that any man lucky enough to be within her orbit could even consider another woman, but has Vicky said enough to convince her?
When she gets back to the flat she tells Robert that she believes him and that Vicky is clearly a pathological liar. Feeling quite smug at having seemingly got away with it, Robert goes to bed leaving Michelle to sleep on the sofa. But as soon as he’s out of the room she pulls out some deeds of ownership for the Bistro and calls Adam.
So it looks like Michelle may be planning some sort of revenge on Robert involving pretending to be in love with him and then taking him for everything he has (a kind of recycled version of the Eva/Aidan plot?). Would it be too much to ask that she might consider the poor woman who is going to be left holding the baby and actually give her some of the money? Of course it would, this Michelle we’re talking about. She’ll most likely spend it on her very own bar or maybe buy herself an enchanted mirror which tells her she’s the fairest of them all. I hear Gary’s does very good deal on them.
And that’s it for this week. Are you happy that Robert has finally been found out, or are you wishing that Vicky could stay around a bit longer? Let me know in the comments or catch me on twitter @mskelstar.
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5 comments:
Great review, Kelly. Your description of Robert as looking "like a surprised stoat" made me burst out loud laughing! Boy, did you nail it/1
Looking forward to the end of THAT soap opera! Oh wait....
Michelle miraculously finds a house in Maaclesfield and Ken, not so miraculously, doesn’t find Daniel having scoured the whole of Scotland. Well, at least they didn’t have to build another set, though whoever designed Vicky’s place has to have been on drugs! That pink netting was beyond bad taste. Still, at least she doesn’t have to share the pregnancy balloon with Emma/Gemma (never can remember which is which) any more
Great review, and I'm very pleased that Robert has been found out.
If Michelle had been interrogating Robert's phone, and he had Google maps she would have been able to see where he had been by looking at his timeline.
I think that mentioning that Vicky was 30 weeks pregnant was significant. Perhaps she will give birth early and that will be in the drama of whatever comes next.
Michelle standing their saying how low Vicky is...didn't Michelle grow up with Carla in poverty? Vicky has had to struggle but Michelle seems to have gotten a free ride from men her whole life. Ugh cannot wait til she goes.
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