Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Bullying is sometimes necessary.  Don't sit on the cold wet floor, Dylan, you'll get piles.  I was disappointed to learn that he's being bullied at school (though not as disappointed as I was with Violet and Sean for constantly dropping him off on trains across the country - he's not a parcel).  As an aging homosexual, I've always hoped that it's got better for queer and queer-adjacent kids these days; I thought teens in the 21st century celebrated diversity and uniqueness and were all on TikTok waving rainbow flags and shouting "you go girl!" at one another.  Then I realised that Dylan must have been mistaken.  They weren't bullying him because his dad was gay, they were bullying him because his dad is Sean, which is a very different proposition.  I expect someone in his year was idly scouring YouTube and they found a clip of That Antony Cotton Show and decided that anyone involved in that production, even if they're just related to someone involved in it, deserved a fat slap.

Because Sean was especially awful and self-centred this week, as he bullied a young mother of five into paying him money she didn't have as part of a pyramid scheme that couldn't have had CON written more clearly on it if it was in eight foot high neon.  He did this because he's decided to get a place for him and Dylan to live in; he's had the exact same two jobs for over a decade now, and all he's been able to afford in that time is Eileen's front room, so sure.  We know he's not got any savings, because he was literally homeless a couple of years ago, and he's certainly not got any ready cash because he keeps spending sixty quid on t-shirts from Harvey Nicks.

No, I will never let that go; it annoys me every time I see it.  Watching him pounce on recent divorcee Vanessa once she heard she had a few bob like a hawk on a field mouse was nauseating.  There was a time when Sean's selfishness and lack of compassion was balanced out by the fact that he was actually funny and had some good lines and stories.  Since he's hardly in the show now and he's about as funny as a gall bladder operation can we just hand him his cards?

Take the path less travelled.  Sally and Paula Wilcox Elaine took a little walk from Coronation Street to Roy's.  They strolled past the side of the salon...

...crossed the road outside StreetCars...

...walked past the kebab shop...

...and ended up at Roy's, chatting the whole time.  Let's have a look at that on the map, shall we?

Hmmm.  I can't help thinking there may have been a slightly more direct route they could've taken, but perhaps they were just so lost in conversation they didn't notice.

Sally didn't get her hands on an Eccles cake because she was stopped by Maria on the doorstep to chat about Faye.  Incidentally, how has Maria managed to get literally no blowback for her role in the demolition of the Street?  The Platts are refusing to talk to Audrey because she sold the salon flat, but Maria and Claudia flogged the hairdresser's ages ago and they've not caught any flack.  Unless David and Maria are constantly at war in the barbershop, scissor blades glinting in the light, hissing insults at one another over the head of some poor bloke who only wanted a short back and sides on his lunch break.  

We can get through this together.  As I've hinted at in previous blogs, my main reaction to the whole Ray affair is simply a tired grip on the top of my nose, a deep sigh while I wait for it to all be over with.  Just because the characters are now shouting at one another and getting hysterical it doesn't make it any more interesting, and the introduction of rubbish gangsters simply underlines that.  It's very hard to take threats from Mick seriously anyway, since we've already seen that he can be disarmed by Eileen Grimshaw talking in a stern voice - he's not exactly Ronnie Kray.

The only good thing to come out of this is there being a new pupil at Roy Cropper's Home for Wayward Girls.  His relationship with Abi, both of them working towards the same objective but with very different methods, is lovely to see, and brings to mind the way he tamed Becky Grainger and curbed her more wayward instincts.  Between Abi, Carla and Nina, he is building an army of devoted female acolytes who are willing to do anything to protect him; it's lucky Roy is such a good pure soul, because I'm pretty sure that's how you start a cult.

I'm talking 'bout a whole lotta history.  The sight of Gail in her empty living room caused an involuntary gasp, not least because I didn't realise they'd had a purple carpet this whole time.  Poor Gail.  As a viewer of Classic Corrie (tune in weekdays, ITV3, though the Battersbys have just turned up so you might want to wait a while for them to calm down) I've watched Martin and Gail move into this house full of hope and optimism and joy, and it's sad to see her being driven out nearly thirty years later.  The show's been far too casual about the Platts losing number 8, for my tastes - this is their family home, and they've not shown much loyalty.  It was good to see Gail and David finally express a bit of sadness and regret at leaving this place where they've raised kids and grandkids.

It was also lovely to see Sally and Kevin talking to one another with proper affection; he was the first person to ask her how she was doing, which was so nice.  These are characters who've been in our lives for decades and it's good when the show remembers that and lets them talk and bond and be emotional with one another.  Sally told Kevin that Abi was a lucky woman to have him, a statement that was loaded with all sorts of layers from his ex-wife and mother of his children.  It made him pull this face:

...and you just had to go "awwwww", really.

Pick a side.  The world is a bitterly divided place at the moment, with society demanding you pledge your allegiance in an increasingly fractious war of words.  The question is simple - dogs or cats?  Personally I'm a dog person, because if I'm going to share my home with an animal I want to feel like it appreciates me and cares for me and isn't simply viewing me as a bag of meat that exists purely to hand over food.  Evelyn and Elaine are both dog people too, caring for discarded animals and becoming friendly during apparently endless after-dark walks, and this is why they are both ace.  (Actually there's a third front in the animal wars, which is the one Yasmeen has taken: chickens.  But I think hugging a chicken is a bit mad, no matter how enthusiastically she advocates it).  I'm thrilled that Paula Wilcox (whose big break came in The Lovers, written by Jack Rosenthal) and Maureen Lipman (whose husband until his death was the same Jack Rosenthal) have finally been allowed to share the screen, and I hope they start going to the Rovers together with Yasmeen to drink sweet sherries and put the world to rights.  It's could be the classic Corrie battleaxe triptych resurrected; Evelyn is obviously Ena, with quiet and gentle Elaine as Minnie and the slightly more bolshy Yasmeen as Martha.  If that does happen, I hope they keep an eye on Yas - I don't want her to end up slumped over her milk stout.

The author also once sent a video to all his mobile phone contacts, but it was rather more intimate.  If you received it please contact me via Twitter @merseytart and I'll see if I can arrange some counselling.

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