Coronation Street Weekly Update, July 21 2008

Here we go again, another week, another update, another load of washing in and another page of the diary turned as we all hurtle towards impending doom and only if we’re lucky, without any pain. Oh, I know, I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’ve just had to do the worst google of my life. No, I’m not telling you, it’s too horrible. I’m only in my early forties. Yes, really I am. When we first met, back in 1995 when I started writing these Corrie weekly updates I was a firm, young spring chicken aged just 31. It’s almost 13 years on and I’ve started having days when I feel the age I’m at. And as for that google search? Oh all right, I’ll tell you as long as you don’t laugh. You promise? Here it goes. I typed into a search engine for the first time in my life: “bingo wings” + “how to get rid of”. Oh stop it, right now, you promised you wouldn’t laugh. Well, if you’re going to take that attitude, I’m off. And so, without any further ado here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Liz might have kicked him out and his paradiddle might have lost its oomph but there’s a place behind the counter at Roy’s Rolls where Vernon fits in perfect. Roy takes him on as he’s short staffed in the caff and needs an extra pair of hands, even a pair that keeps belting out a five bar rhythm section on the table tops every half hour, on the hour, come rain, come shine. It's just that this time, he's doing it in a pinny.

Over at the factory, Rosie wheedles her way in with Tony Gordon and gets Sean his job back. Well, it’s the least that Tony can do after Rosie nicked her dad’s customer files from the garage last week. Sean’s been great this week. He walked into the café (see para 1 above) with the girls’ cake order (and it wasn’t even Wicked Wednesday) while George Michael’s Faith was playing on Roy’s wireless. Sean sang along in style: ‘Cos I gotta have cake, cake, cake.’ He should've started at the top really with "Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch your barm cake, you know not everybody has got a barm cake like you."

Anyway, there’s more than cake, there’s hot gossip at the factory when John Stape turns up in his little blue car. He tells Fiz he still loves her and he wants her back. He also wants her front, the side bits and the bits that stick out. Ah, but would he love her if she had bingo wings? Sigh. She gives John what for and slaps him across the chops but he’s not put off. News spreads that “John’s back on the Street” and it’s Chinese whispers a-go-go as his return hits the factory floor and goes from Sally to Rosie to Kev in the garage who finally hears: “John’s snake’s bagged and asleep.” Kevin plays to his strengths and brandishes his spanner. And then right, then, John only goes and gets himself a job as the new driver at Streetcars. Well, they were kind of desperate after their interviews produced two no-shows, one manic depressive and a woman who crashed her car on the way there. I say bring in Big Brenda from Levenshulme, she’s the only woman for the job.

In the Rovers, Blanche isn’t best pleased to hear that Ken’s going to see a play with Gail’s dad Ted. I’d love to go out for an evening with Ted. Along with Molly’s Aunty Pam (of whom more later) I think Ted’s the best thing to hit Corrie in a long time. Anyway, Blanche pursed her lips and spilled out some thinly disguised homophobic vile. Gail returned from the land of sun dried tomatoes and multi-coloured ice-cream (you can tell I’ve never been) to find her living room redecorated and her son with a new hairdo.

Anyway, this Aunty Pam of Molly’s (see para 4 above) turned up selling knock-off ham in the Rovers. She can get anyone anything knock-off, can Pam. Whadda ya want? Slabs of baked ham? A crate of foreign beer with no questions asked? Trident Cruise Missile with the sell-by date erased? Anything. She’s fab, is Pam. She’s like a breath of fresh air and she’s turned up just in time to see Molly and Tyrone get engaged this coming week. Tyrone tries, bless him, he’s all ready to pop the question with Vera’s engagement ring (this bit brought tears to my eyes, I’m such a sad muppet). But at the chi-chi La-La Lounge, as recommended by de-de-desperate Dev, Tyrone’s planned sparkler and cake failed to compete with another guy’s proposal to his girlfriend which included fireworks and a marching band. Never mind Tyrone, there’s always next week. Tyrone’s engagement sparked memories for Jack of asking Vera to marry him way back in the day. Apparently, Vera was up the stick. And that’s not a phrase you hear enough of these days.

Someone who’s having less luck in the lady love department is Steve McDonald. Michelle throws the £7,500 engagement ring back at him and he has to search in a skip until he recoups his investment. She knows he’s been up to no good and throws him out of his own home and pub, which I found a bit odd. Steve takes to sleeping in the Streetcars office, whiling away the hours with the Rubik’s cube.

Elsewhere this week, Dev and Vernon went golfing together. Dev was in his Pringle jumper and sensible trousers, Vernon was rock and roll with his hat on back to front. The whole point of this set up was for Dev to bump into Prem Mandal, another Asian businessman who’s big in floor covering and carpets, a bit like shag pile. The actor who plays Prem once played Dev’s dad but he didn’t seem to recognise him, which is just as well as Dev’s going to end up adding Prem’s wife to his own shag pile.

And finally this week, Jerry came over all peculiar in the kebab shop and Mother Theresa took it upon herself to look after the afflicted. Poor soul.

Five things we learned in Corrie this week.
1. Steve McDonald’s feet smell and he can’t spell. Are these two things connected?
2. Roy Cropper’s favourite train is the Mallard.
3. Janice, Sean and Sally reckon that Nigel from the the loading bay at Underworld is hot.
4. So is the new extra in Roy’s Rolls.
5. John Stape was forced out of his teaching job by a “cynically orchestrated campaign on YouTube”. I wonder if he means this?

And that’s just about that for this week.

Coronation Street writers this week were Joe Turner, Mark Wadlow, Damon Rochefort and Simon Crowther.

Glenda

--

Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/