Evening Corrie fans, it’s Kelly here with your Friday night review.
Maria and Gary go to open the barbers to find that Stu has been sleeping in there. Kelly pleads with Maria to let him stay. She refuses but says she will make homelessness one of her top campaign issues after clean air. Which is rather like saying no you can’t have the last custard cream but I will look into the matter of empty biscuit tins immediately.
Desperate to help Stu, Kelly then tries Billy, who is of course in the pub. Heaven forbid he should do any actually vicaring duties. He’s predictably useless and mutters something about ringing around shelters. Didn’t he turn the vicarage into some sort of refuge? Or has he forgotten about that?
Eventually Yasmeen offers Stu her spare room. To say thank you he brings her some flowers picked from the red rec, (mmm such a charming aroma of spilt lager and dog urine), and then totally blows it by making a joke about having high cleaning standards. This immediately triggers memories of Geoff and Yasmeen runs from the room in panic. She eventually relents and says that although she’s not ready for house guests (apart from Elaine and Cathy), Stu can have some more trial shifts at Speed Daal to…’get him back on his feet’. Oh no, on no account should anyone make a positive statement like that just before Christmas. The minute she uttered those words I thought - he’s doomed. What with that and the cough of foreboding, he’ll be dead by Christmas!
In other news, Audrey is diagnosed with cataracts, so Gail insists she stay at No. 8 over Christmas. Aud herself seems far more interested in self-medicating with a vat of gin, At the same time Sarah and Adam are trying to get out of having a large festive family gathering but end up settling on the horrendous idea of a joint Platt’s and Barlow’s Christmas so not to offend anyone.
Meanwhile in council election business, Tim lets slip to Gary that Weatherfield County are proposing to build a new training ground, which Gary immediately blabs to Maria with the news. And Maria tries to get James to back her campaign, but he says no saying footballers can’t be political. I imagine this was probably a lie and he just found Maria mind-numbingly boring and wanted to get away.
Finally, Walter Mitty Curtis has his first session with a psychologist, accompanied by Emma. He explains that he has been making things up for so long that it just feels normal to him, and that he likes the attention. The psychologist asks what he does when people find out he’s been lying and he admits that he usually leaves and moves on. Is this on the NHS? Cos if not, I reckon you could’ve got Toyah to do this for half the price.
Emma is overwhelmed but keeps it together until her hen party when she breaks down and tells Amy everything. Amy goes ballistic and says faking a terminal illness is disgusting and she needs to walk away, but Emma says that she loves Curtis and still wants to marry him. Over at the stag do, Curtis helps a drunk Steve home. Unaware of all his lies, Steve hands Curtis his bank card and PIN, and asks him to transfer the £100k they raised to Oliver’s charity account. At home Curtis opens his laptop and takes out Steve’s bank card. Is he going to pinch the money and break Emma’s heart? And if so, can we get evil Tracy out of retirement and arm her with a heavy statue?
And that’s it for this week. See you back here in a couple of weeks. Merry Christmas one n’ all.
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Maria did rather say ending homelessness was one of her top issues in a tone of voice that suggested moving homeless people on to the next parish rather than actually doing anything positive to help. You know. In the same slightly callous way local authorities across the country "solve" homelessness.
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