Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

The Bitch Is Back.  After what seems like millennia away, we got the return of some favourite characters.  Both Peter and Carla returned from whatever plot cupboard they've been hiding in, Peter sporting a lovely tan he somehow picked up in rainy Greater Manchester, and Carla confirming that she is indeed going by "Carla Barlow" even though that's stupid.  Alex made a return to the screen to call Audrey "lovey", which was of course adorable.  But best of all we got the return of Beth.  Beth has made a few small appearances since Lisa George came out of shielding, but they've mostly been on the periphery, perhaps written so that her lines could be easily transferred to another character if necessary.

This week, though, Beth was definitely back.  We learned that she wanted to be management at Underworld and frankly, if Sarah-Lou can do it, anyone can.  This lead to her being bored during a meeting with a businessman who'd arrived in Coronation Street from the 1970s, talking about women in the workplace like their only job was to bend over in a tight skirt and not sue when you smacked their bum.  She undercut the gravity of the situation by asking to take the leftovers home for Kirky's tea.  Why do I get the feeling that Peanut is better fed by Beth than Kirk?  She also loudly and vociferously voiced her disgust at Jenny Bradley's relationship with Leo, which I loved.  Too many of the characters in the show sort of exist - they bumble along without much in the way of a personality because they're plot delivery devices.  I won't name names, I'll just say "owns a bistro and has a curious relationship with his mother" and leave it at that.  Beth is a character, and she's not afraid to be unlikeable or obnoxious.  Even if you don't like her you have to admit she's interesting.  Welcome back Beth; I hope you'll be bouncing around the Street bawling at strangers for a very long time, and at some point, you might even remember that you're not technically married to Kirky any more and so you can tie up that loose end.

Put it all out there.  After spending a week forcing Daisy into a courtship she clearly wasn't interested in, Jenny finally worked out what we'd all spotted from a mile off: Leo was into her, not her step-daughter.  It took her a while to agree to a date with the six-foot tall, rugby league playing, handsome stranger - because she's clearly insane - but finally she went out for lunch with him, that turned into drinks, that turned into breakfast.  Jenny Bradley is back on the market, and she's getting some.  Did she enjoy her night with Leo?

I'll say.  (Phew, managed to get through that whole piece without a tasteless reference to Leo being an expert at filling deep wet holes.  That was close).

The Dark Knight rises.  This weekend, the first trailer for the new Batman film landed, with many praising Robert Pattison's new look for the World's Greatest Detective.  Unfortunately he'd already had his thunder stolen by Nina Lucas, who spent most of this week swooping round Weatherfield in a giant black cape.  Who cares about boring old Batman when you've got Nina flapping across the cobbles, her eyes two black kohl holes, her mouth set in a rictus of fury as she deduced that Abi was about to commit an unspeakable act of vengeance via a pink glittery notebook and a scrawled whiteboard.  She immediately threatened to report Abi; like the Dark Knight, Nina prefers to mete out her own justice rather than get the police involved.  I guess this makes Roy Alfred?

So yes, Abi's got a gun, because of course she has.  It's easier to buy a handgun in Weatherfield than at a Kansas WalMart; you get one free Walther with a Council Tax rebate from the Council.  Perhaps this is the one Eileen dumped in a bin on the Red Rec last year, liberated from the hands of a curious six year old in the playground and passed on through the criminal fraternity.  Her aim is to shoot and kill Corey before he goes off to Germany - yes, after scoring one goal for the first team at Wethy County Corey's been headhunted by European talent scouts and will be in Bayer Leverkusen by Christmas.  

"Weatherfield's Greatest Export" isn't really that much of an achievement.  What else has the town shipped to the rest of the world?  Rosie Webster falling out of her top on a Japanese gameshow, Elsie Tanner plunging off a Spanish clifftop, and Stella Price being exiled to the French countryside as a convenient bolthole for when Jane Danson finally gets a holiday.  Next to those Corey's a catch.  I hope Abi does go through with her plan for revenge, and Imran is forced to tell Kelly that with the only other suspect for Seb's murder now dead, she's stuck in Wentworth Prison for the rest of her life.

Buy two, get one free.  I'd hate to be a twin.  Every treat, every joy, every happiness comes split down the middle.  You even have to share your birthday.  Your parents might get you a treat each, but the very fact that your sibling got one too diminishes your own.  (Yes I am a nightmare).  All Aadi wants is a little time with his dad, his weird, astonishingly camp, strange dad.  He's even willing to be holed up in a caravan with him for it.

Because that is a caravan, not a glamping chalet.  You can use all the fancy language you like, that's still a tin box on stilts.  And dear sweet little Aadi is willing to use a chemical toilet and wake up with condensation on his nose if it means he can have one quiet weekend with Dev.  Only for Asha to come storming in, crashing through into the back room of the shop (which still has CAUTION stickers all over the door - anyone know why?) in her latest huff because of her love life, and derailing all of that.

Poor Aadi.  Poor, poor Aadi.  Now his dream of sitting by the side of a lake in quiet masculine bonding is in tatters, and instead, he has to go to Meadowhall.  They have shopping centres in Manchester, Dev.  You can get a tram to the Trafford Centre any day you like.  I hope he has a good time anyway and isn't, say, caught up in a traumatising life or death situation.  Aadi deserves the best.

Audrey's is back!  Back!!!  BACK!!!!!  After a full year of visiting the Street, Natasha has finally noticed that Audrey's - the place where she used to work - is vacant and up for sale.  Maybe she only used to visit Gail from the Viaduct Street end of the road or something.  She decided to buy it up and rename it "Blakeman's", because apparently first names are tacky, but then Audrey appeared and made her feel guilty so I guess it's going to stay with that name.  I hope not - it was previously Denise's and Hair By Fiona Middleton and, for a while until her cousin tried to drown Gail, Alma's - and I hate it when parts of the set become ossified and preserved forever because of tradition.  It's like the stone cladding on Fiz's house; get out there and chip it off, no matter if Jack and Vera put it up.

For a while it looked like Natasha couldn't buy the shop, because she had to pay for the sinkhole, but then Audrey agreed to pay for it so Natasha ran off to Debbie.  This does raise the question of why Audrey didn't pay to have the sinkhole filled in a long time ago.  I feel like there was actually an explanation of this at one point but as with so much to do with money in Corrie it was simultaneously over complicated and really quite dull.  Anyway, this is all distinctly unimportant.  The most important outcome from this whole plotline was this:

AUDREY IS BACK ON THE SAUCE!  Hurray!  A sober Audrey Roberts is no Audrey at all, so I'm glad she's recovered from that late life crisis and is now double fisting prosecco and enjoying herself again.  That's what we like to see.

Since Toyah kicked him out, Imran may be in need of somewhere to stay.  I can be contacted via the Direct Message function of Twitter @merseytart.  You can pay me for room and board in kind.

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