Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

The kids are all right.  Never underestimate the power of a recast; it can change a character forever.  Just ask Tracy Barlow, who was a slightly dull rebel in the Dawn Acton years, but a soul-sucking demon from hell when she became Kate Ford.  Or Sarah-Louise, who was a treacly sweet little darling when she was played by Lynsey King, then she turned into Tina O'Brien and immediately got pregnant.  So it is with Aadi.  In his Zennon Ditchett incarnation, he was a mostly mute golf prodigy lurking at the back of scenes.  As played by Adam Hussain, he's an adorable overflowing bucket of charm and charisma that you want nothing but good things to happen to.  His shy stumbling around Summer, culminating in an awkward suggestion that they have a date, sometime, maybe, was brilliant.  Meanwhile, he's also palling around with Amy, being great mates and having fun, and it's all wonderful.  

The only problems arose when the parents decided to intervene with their creepy Date Boxes and talk of "uniting the empires".  Leave them to it, folks, they're doing fine.  Aadi even decided to take Summer out to a restaurant for their first date; most teens settle for a bottle of White Lightning and a bit of light fingering behind the youth club.  They're impressively mature but not to the disturbingly precocious level Sam achieves.

Still, Dev's ill-advised rubber gag did at least lead to the following monologue, which I'm reproducing in full here.  It's bonkers anyway, but when combined with Jimmi Harkishin's disTINCtive way of speeeeaaaaking, it crossed over into pure art.

There'll be time to polish up his work ethic.  But quite sweet, his innocent blushes, the excitement of stepping out into the unknown.  Yes, the wheel of fortune turns again, and up is down and down is up and do I envy him?  Yes, a little, at the start of his new adventures, just beginning.

That's like a speech from the Riddler.  Incredible.

Evil isn't born, it's made.  Last week I called for Hope to be excluded from society for the good of the nation.  I now realise I was a little hasty.  It's not Hope's fault she's an absolute sociopath.  I mean it is, a bit, but it's more her parents' fault, as they absolutely refuse to try and curb her behaviour.  Fiz discovered that Hope deliberately started a fire that had nearly killed Alina and caused her to have a miscarriage and I don't think she even lost her temper.  All she did was tell her to go upstairs and pack a bag - they were off on an adventure.  Tyrone was understandably a little more angry - I think he almost raised his voice at Hope at one point - but eventually he agreed, yes, the right thing is to send this tiny Myra Hindley in the making off on a trip rather than face any consequences for her actions.

She's not going to get any better, folks.  She's been a psychopath for roughly half her life.  She needs serious, committed help, starting with her parents making it clear that what she does is wrong, and proceeding with committed psychiatric work.  All these excuses are giving her free rein to simply get worse.  At least her real father was an accidental psycho; Hope knows full well what she's doing and she's proud of it.  And what about poor Ruby in all this?  Now her mum and her sister have legged it and she's left with her crochety gran and a dog.  Perhaps she's storing up all her psychological damage for later, and somewhere around fourteen she'll crack and blow up the bistro.  At which point Fiz will sigh and say she's just misunderstood and really it was about time they got a refurb in there anyway.

999, what's your emergency?  I'm not saying the show is getting lazy in its plotlines but Monday's episodes featured appearances from the fire, police and ambulance services.  If only Nicky Tilsley had gone to the beach and got caught up in some quicksand again, we could've had the coastguard as well and completed the set!  Of course, this being COVID-era Corrie, they couldn't actually show the fire at the salon flat because that sort of stunt is incredibly complicated so instead they wafted some dry ice under the door and called it a day.  There used to be a time when the sound of an emergency siren on the Street would've got everyone out on their doorstep for a look - now it's so commonplace they may as well mark up a space for ambulances on the Street.

Not that they'll be able to park because, as we discovered on Friday, Coronation Street is now being used for parking by everyone who wants to use the tram stop.  Where will the residents put their cars now?!?  Well, they could just leave them wherever they've been parking them for the past sixty years, because the street's rarely got any cars on it and characters seem to magic up vehicles out of nowhere when they're required.  David turned up in a bright red car I didn't even know he owned and tried to park it on the road outside, instead of on that bit of forecourt right by his house where there used to be a garage.  Still, this did lead to some comedy shenanigans involving Shona and some shaving cream, so at least this is a nice light hearted storyline that absolutely won't require a police car and an ambulance to clear up the mess.  Not until Monday, anyway.

He's behind you!  Have we actually established who the hell Fergus is yet?  Is Izzy actually involved with him, are they simply in a bubble together, or is he just a weirdo who won't leave?  He certainly has no idea about privacy and personal boundaries because every time Izzy has a video call he's there in the background watching and listening.  Are you employed by the factory, Fergus?  No?  Then go and look after Jake or something, because he's playing with the kitchen knives and literally nobody cares.

Izzy gave a heartfelt speech about how she'd been scared since the pandemic started and hadn't left the house except for hospital appointments.  It was all very sad, and clearly delivered from the heart, but I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for Carla and Sarah-Lou.  When Izzy's work was bad, Carla wanted to fire her, and Izzy went off in a huff; when they continued to employ her, even though she couldn't keep up with the demands of the business, Izzy went off in a huff again.  What do you want, Izzy?  Do you want them to accommodate you and keep you on the payroll or do you want them to tell you you're rubbish and put you out on your ear?  Hopefully, now it's all out in the open how upset Izzy is, she can actually talk to her employers and they can all come to some agreement about the path forward.  With Fergus loitering in the background the whole time.  They'll have to set up a chair in the factory for him when she finally leaves her house.

Nice girls finish last.  I thought, finally, the producers had decided to treat the adorable Emma like the Queen she is.  She got herself a boyfriend, and not only that, said boyfriend was a sexy trainee doctor who was sensitive and considerate and wasn't stringing her along while being secretly in love with someone else like David and Chesney and Seb.  However, they couldn't let it last, and this week pulled the rug out from underneath her.  Firstly Tyrone and Alina told her she'd have to sling her hook.  It was, of course, Emma who invited Alina to stay in the flat in the first place, even though she was making doe eyes at her boyfriend, but Emma took their lack of gratitude on the chin and said she'd go because like I said: lovely.  Then the fire happened, but everyone was so busy talking about Alina and Tyrone nobody asked Emma if she was ok now that all her stuff was charred and smelt like the charcoal bin on a petrol station forecourt.  On the plus side, now that the salon flat was a blackened husk, they said she could carry on living there.  Lucky her.  Oh, and then Alina got Emma to crawl around on the floor looking for her keys, even though she was wearing white pants.

Still, this is nothing compared to poor Mary, who nursed a crush on George but lost a promising relationship because he fancied Eileen and now, a few months later, is actively pushing them together.  You are a treasure Mary, and your good heart is part of this, but you're going above and beyond.  You can be polite and kind but you don't need to excitedly gather together appropriate bouquets to encourage the pair of them.  You don't need to suggest that Eileen gets her hair done so she looks top notch for the date.  Although maybe her suggestion that she get a spiral perm so she'd look like "Bonnie Tyler circa 1991" may have been vengeful, because that would not have suited Eileen at all.  Be kind to yourself, Mary, and value yourself, and find someone worthy of that good soul.  Not least because Eileen and George are trapped in a "will they, won't they?" holding pattern so long and drawn out it makes Sam and Diane look like they rushed into things.  

Eileen and George are currently off because of her perfectly reasonable concerns about a man who fiddles with corpses for a living.  It would be difficult to be romantic with a man with a permanent whiff of formaldehyde.  This will probably all change next week, but in the meantime, can we get more of sassy Helena bringing a refreshing dose of leopardskin to the undertaking business?  I need her to continue having Strong Biscuit Opinions and stomping off at the slightest hint of complication in her evening out.

The author is having a special night of his own tomorrow so he's preparing his own Date Box for the event.  If you know where I can get a hamper big enough to hold a leather swing and a jumbo bottle of KY Jelly please let me know via Twitter @merseytart.

Edited to correct Jimmi Harkishin's name, which I originally wrote as Jimi Mistry.  Jimi Mistry wishes he could achieve such levels of brilliance.  Thanks to @JamesErie74 on Twitter for the correction!

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