Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Use your local Job Centre.  You'd have thought that after hiring Simon turned out so badly ("hey Simon, do you want a job delivering chips?  You definitely won't use it to deliver drugs will you?") Dev would be a little more fussy with who he employed.  But no, here he was again, hiring Tyrone to be a delivery driver after about two minutes of conversation.  Tyrone needed a job because he had to keep his new girlfriend in fancy coffee cups; it's funny how swiftly someone who first appeared in the show literally sleeping on the floor of a salon has adjusted to the good life.  No word yet on what coffee Alina Pop! And Her Pop-Up Shop deigns suitable for her precious new machine - presumably she'll be sending Tyrone to Indonesia to get that fancy blend that gets pooped out of animals.

Dev's lacklustre hiring skills showed up again when he pressganged Bernie into looking after the shop and she immediately created an oil slick for Evelyn to slip on.  This was a really stupid decision for Dev, but great for the audience, because we got Evelyn being an absolute cow, followed up by Dev's hysterical glee when he discovered she was putting it on.  Bernie has now sworn revenge on Evelyn, and I hope this leads to an ever escalating prank war, with the hapless shopkeeper trapped in the middle.  When people talk about classic characters in the show Devendra tends to get overlooked, which is a shame, because he is an absolute star; a pompous buffoon who can switch from comedy to drama with ease.  Jimmi Harkishin is a treasure and the more he is in the show the better.

Call AC-12.  Because I am very up on the zeitgeist, I have only just watched all of Line of Duty, binging all six series in a couple of weeks.  As such I never want to hear the phrase "burner phone" ever again.  It's all they ever talk about.  Clearly someone at Corrie has been iPlayering it as well because this week a burner phone turned up in a dodgy taxi.  Leanne used it to phone Harvey, because obviously the only contact would be the big head boss in prison, and not one of his lieutenants.  Apparently a lot of burner phones are smuggled into prisons anally; I'm now imagining Harvey sat in the prison canteen when Leanne makes her call and his backside starts ringing.  Leanne has promised to lie on the stand as a way of getting them to leave Sam alone; do we think she'll immediately renege on that agreement once she's in the dock?  Of course she will.  A better way to stop them from threatening Sam would've been to let them kidnap him again and have him tell them all his fascinating Wethy County facts.  They'd have soon dropped him back at school and never gone near him again.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.  Oh look, it's Sharon loitering in the Street hissing into a mobile phone!  I can't tell you what episode that screen grab is from because it happens about eight times in every show.  Sharon almost left this week, which apparently left Rita devastated because she's enjoyed having her around so much.  It would be nice if we'd actually seen that at any point in the past month.  Rita welcomed her back to the Street then immediately vanished; we've not even seen her in the Rovers having a G&T with her long lost foster daughter.  Maybe she's as sick of her banging on about Leanne as the rest of us are.  I know Dame Barbara Knox is nearly ninety, and so probably wants to minimise her time on set, and that's fine, but in that case, don't make her a pivotal part of the plot.  When Betty reached her 80s all she did was sit on a stool behind the Rovers pulling faces and it was still lovely.  Anyway, Sharon changed her mind and has stuck around for a bit longer, so "yay".  Do you realise what you've done, Corrie producers?  You've made me loathe the sight of Tracie Bennett.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Still, at least I know Sharon can't get any worse.

*looks at the previews of next week's nine o'clock episodes*

Oh.

Give a man a break.  What are we going to do with Ryan?  Because I feel like he's come adrift as a character.  They can't even write him consistently from one episode to another; in Monday's episode he was absolutely terrified of mice, and in Wednesday's he was happily picking up a mouse trap and taking it to the Red Rec for a humane release.  He's got no family left - Johnny and Carla only intermittently remember they're related to him - he works part time in the pub, and I don't think he's actually been in the same scene as Alya since Geoff fell off the roof.  He's a good looking, fun actor, with a lot of charm, and he's being wasted as background fodder.  If he's not careful he'll go the same way Seb did.  Give him something to do!  And also make him take his shirt off.  (I'm only human).

On the plus side, now there's only him and Alya and Yasmeen in number six there's more space for him to hang out and grow.  Perhaps he could use one of the many spare rooms that the house apparently has to start a new hobby.  They made a lot of references to "Cathy's room" this week, without explaining where it was; if Yasmeen had a bedroom, and Ryan and Alya had the other bedroom, and presumably Elaine was staying in that attic conversion they suddenly got for Geoff to store his magic props in, then where was Cathy stashing all her stuff?  The airing cupboard?  No wonder it became an issue so quickly - it's hard to hoard when you're in a space that's four foot square.

Get your measuring tape out.  It's nice to know that after six years of marriage (yes, six years, I'm choosing to ignore that awful bigamy storyline) Tim and Sally are still madly in love.  And by "madly in love" I mean "rutting 24/7".  This week we got an insight into the never-ending raunchfest that is their life as Sally tried to tempt him with estate agent role play.  I'm surprised anyone can find estate agents sexy, unless it's a sub-dom relationship where you wanted to be treated like dirt by the worst person possible, but the heart wants what it wants I suppose.  Sadly Elaine put a temporary damper on their shenanigans - it's hard to maintain an erection when your mum is fussing about making you a Full English - but she's now moved back to Bolton so they're free to resume their life of non-stop filth.  

Sadly this means we've lost Paula Wilcox, but I hope this is only temporary, as more Paula Wilcox on our tellies is never a bad thing.  I was slightly worried that her heading to Bolton - Britain's current Covid capital - means she'll be killed off, but then I remembered that the coronavirus barely exists in Corrie, and certainly doesn't infect any of the population.  Perhaps we should all be injected with Newton & Ridley's Best Bitter as it seems to be more effective than the Pfizer.  Her departure means that the only houseguest at number 4 is now Gary.  I hope his bedroom walls are really thick.

This week's Corrie was really hard work which is why I've tried to concentrate on the good things where I can.  Next week's Five Things will probably be a series of agonised screams.  Tell me on Twitter @merseytart why I should even bother.

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