Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

There's a bridge somewhere with Cathy's name on it.  What is an internet troll?  I would argue that it's one of two things.  It's either someone who is deliberately obtuse all over the internet - the person who sees an obituary for a well-known figure and posts "never heard of them" underneath - or it's someone who carries out a lengthy and protracted hate campaign against an individual or group.  Someone like this charming gentleman, who's just been locked up.  Or this very blog you're reading, which constantly trolls ITV.  I wouldn't consider someone who posted a single negative comment under an article on a newspaper a troll.  The comments sections on newspapers are already absolute cesspits - how do you decide which ones are trolls and which ones are just horrible people?

Basically, what I'm saying is, this seems like an awful lot of fuss over one comment Cathy made while under the influence of a few shandies, a comment which she then retracted in the exact same forum and has apologised for ever since.  She's not Katie Hopkins shouting "I'm just saying what everyone is thinking!!!" until someone sues her into bankruptcy.  She's an ordinary lady who once made an observation and now she has the entire borough baying for her blood.

It also demonstrates the general fall in standards at the Wethy Gazette.  This incident of "trolling" occurred on their very own website, but they're taking absolutely no responsibility for it whatsoever.  Instead they whack it on the front page and don't even bother to contact Brian to ask his side of the story.  You'd have never got this level of gutter journalism at the Weatherfield Recorder, mainly because Ken Barlow was too busy diddling Wendy Crozier on the desk to remember to write any articles in the first place.

Not drugs, chips!  Dev's wailing at that policewoman with the nice eyelashes was easily the highlight of the whole drug story.  I've long wondered why none of these concerned adults happened to mention to Dev that the chippie was being used for a remake of Scarface but now I realise it's so we could get his blustering confusion.  This is what happens when you take your eye off your businesses so you can watch French lesbian films with your daughter and her girlfriend.  Maybe this will teach you for having a hiring process that consists at going "hey Simon, want to deliver some battered sausage?" at a passing kid rather than having interviews and references and so on.

Leanne is now worried for her safety, so DS Glynn gave her his personal phone number and told her to call him if she needed him, day or night.  Lucky cow.

Don't let the door hit you on your way out.  Sarah-Lou finally asked the question we've all been asking: now Nicky's back at Underworld, why is Carla still there?  She only offered to fill in while he was distracted by Oliver, and that was months ago.  There was no need for her to get involved in that whole Lucas farrago because she doesn't actually work there - although, weirdly, she did suggest to Sarah-Lou that she'd end her contract at the end of the month.  Is she being paid as well?  I thought she was doing it out of the goodness of her heart.  

This does raise another question which didn't occur to me at the time.  A couple of weeks ago Sean walked before he was pushed from Underworld.  Isn't he a shareholder?  Can you just kick him out like that?  And leaving that aside, given how short of cash he is, did he ever think to sell his stake in the factory?  The Underworld collective seems to have quietly vanished and left Nicky in charge.

Carla will now have more time to organise her wedding to Peter.  I don't actually remember them getting engaged - when was that?  Last thing I remember she was about to leave him.  It's possible I blacked out though; the sheer repetitiousness of this plotline may have caused me to slump into a coma.

It's the fuzz.  I regret to inform you that the very brief bit of goodwill the Fiz and Tyrone two-hander gave me for this plotline vanished in a puff of smoke the minute the immigration authorities got involved.  Let's skate over the idea that Gemma - who grew up on a rough estate in a criminal family - would ever call the authorities for help, and instead query why the Immigration Enforcement people are investigating cash in hand transactions.  That's HMRC's beat, not theirs, and besides, that's something you look into when people start submitting their taxes.  Add to that the fact that Alina Pop! is Romanian, so pre-Brexit was perfectly entitled to be in the country working and could apply for a right to remain, the fact that she hadn't even opened yet, and the fact that pretty much all beauty work is cash in hand because it's a service industry, and it was all nonsense.  Still, the socially distant triangulation all over the pavement gave me an easy laugh.

It did mean the death knell for Tyrone and Fiz as he told her he was in love with Alina.  I think that's what he said; I couldn't really hear over his penis talking.  Was there a more pathetic sight in the show than Ty bounding up to Alina to inform her that he was now a free agent, only for her to look awkward and wonder what the hell she'd done?  At some point these two are going to be post-coital in bed and Alina's going to have to listen to him drone on about Ruby's recorder recital while she tries to tell him what the latest TikTok craze is and they're both going to wish they were anywhere else on Earth.  Sheer sexual allure can only get you so far; trust me I know it all too well.

It's what Bank Holidays are made for.  Sally and Tim decided to spend their Easter Monday at Formby Nature Reserve, staring at red squirrels, or possibly using the unofficial nude beach; one or the other.  Faye decided to use the opportunity to have a little sexy time with Craig.  Have you ever seen a couple with less sexual charisma than these two, by the way?  Kirk and Peanut have better chemistry.  We should be glad that the pandemic means they can't get close because I bet that first kiss would be horribly awkward for everyone, especially the viewers.  Fortunately Elaine nipped round with a box set of Rodgers & Hammerstein, and good on her.  Nobody should be having rampant sex in the middle of the afternoon on Easter Weekend.  You should be slumped in front of the telly, unshowered and full of chocolate, watching a film that is at least as old as your parents and pointing out all the actors who are now dead.  Why romp around the bedroom when you can watch Julie Andrews turning curtains into play clothes or Deborah Kerr waltzing in a big frock?  Elaine knew exactly what she was doing, and that is why she's a treasure.  That and her casual enquiry of Craig - "do they still have intelligence tests to get into the police?"  Very astute, is our Elaine.

The death of the Duke of Edinburgh meant that Friday's episodes were cancelled.  @merseytart put his foot through his television and sent Buckingham Palace the bill.

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