Coronation Street Episode Review Monday 8th March

Let's do a Corrie headcount shall we? Current misery levels:

The Barlows - level 10
The Battersbys - level 10
The Nazirs -  level 9
The Connors - 8 (Daisy is a pain in the butt but at least she's a bit upbeat).
The Packham-Matthews - who knows, we have barely seen them.
The Stape-Dodds - pretty low at the moment but soon not to be if and when Ty and Alina Pop! start the affair that TPTB seem to be planning.
The Alahans - about a 2 if Asha's loved up, but that puts too much responsibility on poor Nina.
Roy - generally happy unless there's a bat being mistreated or a train misnumbered.

Anyway, this prologue is meant to show that the misery level is too high at the moment. It's realistic that both Leanne and Yasmeen would take time to get over their ordeals, but I feel like writing to Iain MacLeod, begging to let Leanne go to visit Eva. I would even stop whinging about characters breaking lockdown rules if we could have a break from Leanne's misery and Jane Danson could have a holiday.

Anyway, rant over, on with the show.

Peter's finally finished his zebra jigsaw and is bored, so asks Steve for some shifts on the switch. On his way over to Streetcars, he collapses against a wall, but makes it back to number 1, where he's found by Steve, who assumes he's drunk. Steve chews him out and then locks him in. He collapses, and Steve and Tracy (eventually) rush him to hospital.

Meanwhile the impressively bouffanted Lucas arrives at the factory to talk shop but really to give all of his living-with-an-addict advice, which is really to get Carla to dump Peter and run off with him to Devon. She just doesn't know how to quit Pete, but Lucas does manage to persuade her to go into town (to walk sadly past loads of bars and restaurants that are closed), only to return to find out that Peter's in a bad way.

Simon's finally doing some college work, until Janky Jacob turns up to whisk him away to sell the Bad Drugs. Ken takes Si to the cafe and gives him some advice; Simon seems less bothered about the advice and more about getting some positive attention for once. Unfortunately, he then invites Jacob to move in with them after his flat is raided. Jacob then invites his mates around (who arrive off screen, no point in paying some extras).

Rhydian, dressed like Rupert the Bear, appears in the factory (seriously Nick! A keypad on the front door!) to try to talk Sean out of quitting Evil Avon with a load of inspirational Linked-in type nonsense.  Kirk later slips on some suspicious green goop from a bottle of all over body caresser that is leaking out of the Double Glammy boxes that Sean has illegally stored in the factory. After a strong word from Nick, Sean then quits the factory. He only needs to leave his pub job to make it 3 in a row. Todd tells off Eileen for letting Sean take advantage of her kind nature (has he met his mum?), somewhat forgetting that he is living rent-free at number 11.

Alya, who had great instincts with Ghastly Geoff, now seems not to want anyone muscling in on her Gran, moaning about Elaine (and Tinkerbell) moving in to number 6. Yasmeen's taking charge, she even offers to sell the community centre to George, but he's already found other premises for his new funeral home.

Talking of instincts, Fiz starts to take the p out of Tyrone re: his defensiveness about Alina being in the same yoga class that Ty has just quit. She tells him Alina's out of his league - she has a point, he's at least 15 years older than the diminutive Romanian.

Rachel Stevenson - on twitter

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