Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Split the difference.  Yasmeen and Geoff got back in touch this week over the phone, and the show decided to show their chats via the medium of split-screen.  It was unusual and quite exciting, like a Doris Day/Rock Hudson film, except one with a bit less pastel and a bit more of Rock Hudson psychologically terrorising Doris.  Less Pillow Talk, more Pillow Over The Face.  I don't normally enjoy these filming flourishes, because I'm a simple unambitious soul, but this one was going fine until the director committed a cardinal sin...

...and swapped what side Yasmeen and Geoff were on halfway through the chat.  No!  That's just irritating!  It breaks the visual language.  Fortunately, just after this, Debbie from EastEnders dragged her away so the split-screen antics ended, but as Yas now has a mobile phone of her own I'm guessing they're going to have lots more cosy chats.  With any luck they'll all end with Yasmeen telling him to eff off.

Ryan's made a new friend.  It must be nerve-wracking to be in a soap and have all your family leave the show.  Actor Ryan Prescott must be well aware that with the departure of the rest of the Connor clan (Michelle Branch) he's drifting a little as a character, without a proper job and spending most of his time running after Alya to stop her from belting Geoff in the Street.  He must know that unless they can find more people for Ryan (the character) to talk to they might have to let him go.  Hence this week he made friends with a spoon, which may be one of the saddest sights I've ever seen.  Honestly, Kirk going on about his balls couldn't compete with the deep tragedy of Ryan poking a smiley face over the top of the salad bar and doing a little voice.  Nina rightly looked at him with pure pity.  Ryan, mate, why don't you go and buy Adam a pint or something?  Go for a curry with Craig.  Chat to Michael; he was so desperate for someone to unburden on he was telling Kev and Abi all about his private life, and I don't think they'd ever been in the same scene with him before.  Please, just leave the inanimate objects in the cutlery drawer where they belong.

Rap begins with a C.  This week I learned a new thing about myself, which is always interesting: I learned I can cringe my stomach inside out.  Who knew?  The cause of this was watching poor Jack Webster rap about palm oil.  It may surprise you to learn that preteen white boys from Greater Manchester are not innately gifted in the art of rapping, even if they do shout "peace out!" at the end.  That poor young actor.  Imagine getting your script and finding that a middle-aged man somewhere has decided he's an ecological Ice Cube and you're going to have to channel his inspiration on national television.  I hope they gave him a bonus or maybe a paper bag to hide his blushes.  (Incidentally Kyran Bowes up there is meant to be nine years old, only a couple of months older than Hope.  No, really).

Peter has the kind eyes of a Labrador.  Ok, are Peter and Emma related?  Peter's adopted sister is Tracy Barlow who is married to Emma's biological father.  Are they uncle and niece?  Does he have to buy her a Christmas present now?  It's all very complicated.  Their discussion about how terrifying Tracy is (Emma believes she can hear her talking behind her back) piqued the interest of Scott and His Awful Name, who gratuitously shoved his oar in with some unnecessary advice for them about not spoiling Amy.  This so annoyed Peter he went in the back to find out what exactly Scott's deal was.

Apparently it was very warm on the walk from the bar to the back room because suddenly Scott had a tan that Gemma Collins would be proud of (although his tan isn't as good as Kevin's, who appears to have spent lockdown on the surface of the Sun).  Scott turned nasty, as is the wont of people with that name when pressed, and Peter was left to wander off, confused.

I think we all want to know what Scott's deal is now because he doesn't seem to be a very nice man and he's getting between Jenny and Johnny, which should not be allowed.  Johnny had a DNA test back in 2015 that confirmed he was Carla's real dad, so unless he had a sample of Scott's, ahem, "essence" stowed away somewhere for these occasions that particular storyline's out.  Maybe Scott's another of Johnny's kids.  Maybe he's just obnoxious.  I will give him a pass for the time being because the chat about his behaviour was carried out in the back room while Jenny put her face on, a classic Rovers trope that sadly we don't see much of any more.  However, if it persists for much longer, I reserve the right to fall asleep.

Carla Connor is back!  Back!!!  BACK!!!  I think Carla was in Underworld for roughly fourteen minutes before she'd wrestled it to the ground in a power slam.  She's been wandering around like a lost soul for a year and seeing her back in the factory was applause-worthy.  She immediately put the fear of God back into the employees - and anything that terrifies Sean can't be bad - then turned her attention to Sarah-Lou and her My First Barbie Business outfit.  According to Carla, under the Tilsley/Platt regime, Underworld has only a year left.  That's still a year more than it ever had under Ms Connor, because the place was constantly on the verge of bankruptcy just because a single order had been cancelled, but we'll let it slide because this is exactly where Carla belongs.  I'm not sure what this means for Sinead's beard oil business.  She was supposedly running that to provide a future for Bertie.  Perhaps, instead of letting Ken pay the rent on his flat or accepting part-time secretarial work at the solicitor's for Adam, Daniel could take over the business?  I know it would cut into his valuable time unburdening himself to prostitutes but that's the advantage of working from home - you can fit in the work around your personal life.  Anyway, Carla's back in the factory, and if this storyline doesn't end with her beheading Sarah-Lou and Nicky in a bloody coup and reclaiming her territory as is right and correct then I will be very disappointed. 

There was a brilliant bit in Wednesday's episode when Gary and Adam stomped towards one another and their shoes made a click-clack sound on the cobbles.  I assume we're meant to assume they're wearing expensive leather soles, but personally I think they're both in high heels and that's why the camera stayed above the knees.  Convince me I'm wrong on Twitter @merseytart.

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