Coronation Street Episode Review Friday 13 March

Evening Corrie fans, it’s Kelly here with your Friday night review. Kosmo sends his apologies for the absence of a review last week. He blames old age and forgetfulness, but as he’s only 27 I’m going to blame gin!

At No.1 Ken is still dithering over what to pack for the move to Stillwaters. As he’s musing to Brian about new pastures, Audrey appears like a bouffanted ninja to tell him that the reason he’s not packing is that he actually doesn’t want to leave. I think you may be reading a bit too much into this Aud, I’ve known Mr Kelstar to leave packing his holiday case until half an hour before the taxi’s due. Sitting down with Eccles in his lap Ken reminisces about the good times he’s had at No. 1. There’s a brilliant moment when he finds Deirdre’s truly awful handmade peanut bowls and after offering them to Peter, Carla and Tracy finally picks them up and with a last wistful look heads out to his new life.

Over in the Tardis flat, Toyah is lamenting being unemployed for all of half a day so Imran tells her she should get a job as a PA. I know it’s the rules of the Street that everyone can instantly apply themselves to any job available as long as it’s two minutes’ walk from the Rovers, but as Toyah is a trained counsellor should she not be looking for other jobs in…oh I don’t know…counselling? If Imran lost his job as a solicitor, I doubt anyone would suggest he start sweeping up beard hair at Trim Up North. Anyway, it’s all academic as after a chat in the café with Nina, who’s looking like a goth Hilda Ogdon in a wonderful bat housecoat (if anyone can tell me where to buy this I will pay them in snakebite and black), our Toyah decides that the company are evil capitalists and she doesn’t want to compromise her principles to work for them.

Meanwhile Dr Bad Hair tells Ryan there’s nothing left for him on the Street and that he’s leaving as he can’t bear to see Maria with Gary day in day out. What a terrible waste. Two years ago he had a promising career and let’s face it looked pretty fit. Just a reminder here for everyone…

Now he’s a murderer, recovering junkie, been arrested, lost his job, spent what feels an eternity mooning over Maria and is sporting a hairdo that Shaggy from Scooby-Doo would probably object to on the grounds of it being a bit unkempt. I feel like there must be some way I can blame Michelle for all this. Anyway, after wishing Maria well, apologising to Toyah and reluctantly hugging Ryan, the Doctor drives away with some wise words from Carla ringing in his ears: “Leave it all behind and don’t come back” (well unless of course you can’t get any other TV offers). 

In other news, Gemma attends another mother and baby hippy/yoga/story time thingy with the snobby yummy mummies who delight in telling her about their au pairs and childminders. After falling asleep in the class it’s clear she needs some help. She rings her mum, but only manages to leave her a voicemail telling her everything is fine. 

Finally, (and I had to leave this section till last because my hands are so contorted into fists that it’s really difficult to type), Geoff’s cruel manipulation of Yasmeen continues. Telling her that it’s clear that he and Alya can no longer work together, he heads out on the pretence of seeing a business advisor. Meanwhile Alya finds that £1,000 has been withdrawn from the Speed Daal accounts and hears from Eileen about Geoff locking Yasmeen in his magic box. Horrified, Alya rushes to her Gran. She tells her that Geoff is taking money from the business and controlling her by never letting her go out or see her friends. But Yasmeen won’t hear a word said against the hideous waste of organs. She tells her granddaughter that Geoff tells her every day that he loves her, which is something that Shariff never did.

When IT returns, he tells Yasmeen that his ‘business advisor’ has told him they should sell their half of the business to Alya and move to Cyprus. Yasmeen is reluctant and says that her life is in Weatherfield but he tells her that she doesn’t have any friends in the Street and her life is with him.  When she meekly suggests that they go to the Rovers for a drink, he of course vetoes the idea and tells her she’s the luckiest woman in the world having him as a husband (at which point I might have been sick in my mouth). She concedes, but the look on her face suggests that she might realise that her granddaughter is right.

And that’s it for this week. If you can think of any really painful, possibly medieval, outcomes for Geoff please do let me know in the comments section or on twitter @mskelstar.

Kosmo will be with you next week, so zombie apocalypse permitting I’ll see you back her in a fortnight.

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