Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

And the Oscar goes to... It is my habit, when writing this blog, to run through the episodes on the ITV Hub so I can get suitable screengrabs.  It's a lengthy, tedious task, as I trawl through shot after shot to try and get the ideal picture while simultaneously battling with the catch-up service's somewhat patchy delivery.  What makes it worse is when I have to zoom in on a picture to try and discern if I've seen things right.  So I can only apologise for the lateness of this week's post, but I had to spend the last thirty-six hours staring at Gary Windass in a figure-hugging spandex outfit trying to work out if he really was wearing a cricketer's box or not.  Many writers would not go to these lengths, would simply post a picture and a cheap innuendo and move on, but not me; I have standards, and a quality threshold, and a fantastic photo app that allows me to zoom in really, really close.  I regret to tell you I still haven't reached a final conclusion on the presence of a cricket box or not but don't worry, I will definitely devote more time to investigating this matter, for several minutes, when I'm on my own in the house.  I care, you see.

Care is the key.  My heart sank when I saw Gemma was going to give birth on a cable car.  It was like I'd discovered that the over the top circus act that I'd been watching for nine months had a whole extra encore that I didn't want to see because I'd miss my train.  As it turned out, the birth of the quads was actually a delightful affair, largely thanks to Damon Alexis-Rochefort's light script that made Gem 'n' Ches funny, but not annoying.  (The presence of Llandudno, genuinely one of my favourite places in the country, helped immeasurably).  It meant we got sweet, funny scenes of Gemma squeezing out the babies, so long as you ignored her sobbing that she was worried they'd die; a streak of darkness that everyone who decided having quads was hilarious seems to have overlooked.  Finally we got our four new additions to the Street: Aled, Bryn, Carys and... Llio?  NO.  You could've had a lovely ABCD run of names there, Gemini, and at the last minute you shoved in a gratuitous L; I know it's Wales, but there's no need for that.  Anything else - Delia, Dafydd, Dolgellau.  Anything. 

Maybe now she's a mum they can start writing Gemma as a human being and not some weird ogre woman.  This week she ate toast by rolling it into a tube then dunking it into the butter and the jam, and honestly, I haven't felt this nauseous watching Corrie since that episode where Norris talked about his corns for eighteen minutes.

It's Education, education, edu... nah, I can't be bothered.  Jade, in her role as live-in tutor to Hope, arranged a trip to the People's History Museum in Manchester.  Because obviously every eight year old girl wants to go to a museum about social mobility, democratic protests and trade unionism; it certainly knocks the Disney Store into a cocked hat.  Unsurprisingly Hope was bored spitless so instead Jade palmed her off on Michael for a trip to Travis Perkins.  I'm not sure exactly what kind of education Hope is getting here but it doesn't feel very national curriculum; she's about two weeks from being sent up a chimney so she can learn the value of oxygen. 

Naturally Hope's future is entirely secondary in Jade's mind to the contents of Tyrone's underpants.  She spent the week unsubtly flirting with him, watching programmes about cars, giving him shepherd's pies, and buying him a dartboard; truly she knows the way to a man's heart.  The situation wasn't helped by Cilla having one of her convenient accidents that force Fiz to leave.  These accidents happen whenever (a) the scriptwriters want to explain why Wendi Peters isn't showing up for a significant moment in Chesney's life and (b) they want Tyrone's undercarriage to go for a wander.  Hopefully he'll tell Jade to stick it, because she's barely a character right now, more a plot device that has somehow learned how to talk.

Do as Gail tells you.  Gail held another of her FAAAAAAMILY conferences this week, squeezing everyone into the front room and telling them they needed to get a grip.  She did this via a tortuous metaphor involving burning oil rigs which was well-intentioned but let's be honest, you should never drag anything that explodes too close to the Platt family.  This intervention went better than the last one she did because it seems Gail has acquired a new centred approach to life which I am very much on board with.  Perhaps it's the Thai fisherman pants helping her to relax.  When a woman discovers an outfit that is not only comfy but also has generous pockets she acquires a new happiness she never knew before.

Gail also went out power walking with Sally which I'd like to see more of; the two women powering round the backstreets of Greater Manchester putting the world to rights.  Sally was the first person to actually ask Gail how her holiday went, and considering it was Wednesday's episode and she came back on Friday, that's a crime.  No wonder she can't stand her awful family.

Also is it just me or does Gail's hair in a casual pony tail work a lot better for her than her usual extravagant style?

The ways of the furniture dealer are mysterious.  "Where does Gary get this stuff?" asked Alya as she picked over the stock of his lock up.  Now as far as I was aware, this was all furniture "liberated" from Gary's clients who didn't pay their bills.  I must be mistaken, however, unless he's started offering loans to the residents of Alderley Edge, because that stock is all far too classy.  The desperate, credit-poor souls who go to Gary for cash are more likely to buy their furniture from Argos than Arighi Bianchi and yet his workshop is stacked with marble busts and antiques.  In Thursday's episode, he was unloading a worn leather trunk, before supplying an actual iron cauldron for Tyrone's Hallowe'en party.  Who did he get that off, Hermione Granger?  Is Morgan le Fay behind with her payments for her flatscreen?  Has he extended his loan shark empire to Pendle? 

Remember back in the 70s when all the women of the Street when on holiday to the Costas and the cameras actually followed them there?  @merseytart wishes that Liz and Tracy's Spanish sojourn was getting the same treatment.

---

---

All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License