I know Reg Holdsworth has gone down in history as some comedy great of the Street but I cannot stand him - and in combination with Maureen, he's even worse. The two of them are quite hysterical together, so my heart sank in today's episodes when Reg proposed and she said yes. The only good part was Maud Grimes continuing to treat him like she'd found him on the bottom of her wheels. Reg fought back though, telling Maud that if she continued to disapprove, he'd take Maureen away and leave her on her own with no-one to take care of her. How revolting. Elsewhere, Raquel visited her boyfriend Wayne during a coaching session at the High School and was shocked to find he had a saucy "driver" called Serena. Bet told her to get a grip on him - somewhere painful. Hanif told Angie to stop spreading rumours about him and she realised Neil was the one behind it. She furiously accused him of still holding a torch for Denise. Again. The terminally hopeless Doug - another character I think we're meant to find charming, rather than unpleasant - left his van to move in as a lodger with Des. This thrilled Derek, because it meant they could report his awful Dormobile as an abandoned vehicle, but he was less amused when Des hired a crane to pick up the van - and dumped it in the Wiltons' back garden. Call me a miserable old sod, but I didn't find the sight of Derek and Mavis distraught at a lump of rusty metal crushing their bird table that amusing.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 17th and 19th May 1993
Raquel continued to dream of being a WAG, despite the fact that Wayne was clearly stringing her along. Gordon from the football club tried to get her to see sense - and offer himself up as an alternative - but she only had eyes for her beloved. Bet and Stella Rigby got their heads together and realised Harry Potts was trawling the pubs of Weatherfield with his stories of road widening. It seemed at some places he was getting more than free drinks as well. They resolved to fix him. The fantastic Brendan Scott reappeared, threatening redundancies, and Maureen suggested they take the money and buy the Corner Shop. Alf was less than thrilled, but he finally let Reg see the books, only to send him away when Holdsworth offered eight grand under the asking price. Derek took an angle grinder to the Dormobile in his back yard - a surprisingly alpha male move from Wilton - and chucked the bits over Des's fence. This put off the bloke who was thinking of buying number 6, and enraged Doug, who strangely believed the van still belonged to him even though it had been dropped in Mavis's fish pond. When Derek realised he'd ruined Des's sale, he tried to take the bits back, but Doug threatened him for stealing what he considered his - just as the potential buyer turned up for another look. Des had reached the end of his tether and gave Doug twenty four hours to pack up and leave.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 21st and 24th May 1993
It was Reg's engagement do, and he brought Maud along to meet the locals. She put on a smiley exterior and made the locals think he'd been lying about her. At the party, Stella and Bet confronted Harry and as punishment they made him buy drinks for the whole pub. Alf also caved and agreed to sell the shop to Reg. It was dependent on him getting redundancy, but Reg knew if he let Brendan Scott know he wanted to go he'd never get it, so he decided to be lousy at his job and get driven out. The news spoiled Ivy's plans to run the shop herself; well, that and Don telling her in no uncertain terms he didn't want to be involved. Mavis caved and got the Dormobile hoisted out of the garden. Des and Derek were thrilled, thinking the other had paid for it, until Des offered to pay half and Derek realised Mavis had gone behind his back. Raquel decided to cook Wayne a nice dinner in the hope it'd get him to propose. She went to buy some candles - not the type you'd need a "candlebra" for, mind - and Mavis gave her one of hers. Liz was offered a pub by Newton & Ridley: the Queens, one of the best pubs in their portfolio, which got up Bet and Stella's nose. They wondered why they'd never been offered an establishment of that calibre. At the White Swan, Stella implied that Richard Willmore had tried it on with her but she declined ("one husband and one boyfriend at any one time is enough." Bet: "You sweet old-fashioned thing.") and suggested that maybe that was how Liz got the Queens...
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 26th and 28th May 1993
It was more Heartbreak City than Weatherfield as the young ladies of the Street discovered how awful men were. Raquel, with Betty's help, prepared a rich birthday meal for her and Wayne. When he failed to show up she got Gordon to drive her to his Wethy Quays flat, only to find him there with Serena. She pushed him in the dock, but was still heartbroken. Gordon - a kind of Diet Curly - offered her a shoulder to cry on, and they ended up kissing. Denise got dressed up for a posh night out with Hanif, enraging Neil to such an extent he tried thumping him. He ended up worse off though and Angie chucked his stuff out. She stayed at home feeling sorry for herself and when she went into work Hanif fired her. Liz said her goodbyes to the Rovers while Bet seethed. Betty told her off for being a jealous cow, but it was too late - Bet had already let slip to Jim on the phone (he was "visiting his sick mum", which I assume means Charlie Lawson had the flu) that Willmore was a bit of a lech and might fancy Liz. Rita made Bet see sense and she made it up with Liz.
FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 31st May and 2nd June 1993
Bank Holiday Monday brought with it a bevy of changes. Liz and Jim moved into the Queens, meeting their new staff: cellarman Zak Dingle from Emmerdale, and barmaid, the superb Tanya Pooley. Tanya immediately established her credentials as an absolute cow by bitching about the McDonalds behind their back and dropping hints to Jim that Willmore was after Liz. Amazing. Sally got a new childminding client, little Jonathan, the son of civil servant Joe. Sal idly wondered where Mrs Joe was. Raquel went and got her hair done, coming away with dreadlocks and looking quite astonishing. Not in a good way. She also reassured Gordon that she didn't regret their kiss. Angie's life was quietly falling apart so she had chips and red wine with Alma in the cafe and they got gloriously drunk. The evening ended badly though when Neil shoved a goodbye note under the door. Still, being the strong, fantastic woman she is, Angie pulled herself together and put her sewing machine in the flat so she could set up on her own. Neil had decided there was nothing left for him in Weatherfield, so he went to Denise and asked for the money he loaned her back. She gave him a post-dated cheque to get rid of him, while secretly knowing she didn't have the cash.
That's the last we see of Neil The Hot Builder, and I am bereft. Please send kind thoughts via Twitter @merseytart.
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Stella Rigby always looked like your mum's friend who would say something spectacularly inappropriate to you whenever your mum was out of earshot. This degree of middle-aged, middle-class utter filth was confirmed when she described Big Jim Mac as 'a tidy bit of trouser'
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