By Stephen Leach, who is in Twitter @SirTerenceBoot, our guest blogger, who shares his thoughts on current Coronation Street.
So, it’s happened: Amy Barlow’s the latest young’un to get herself up the duff. I knew this was coming, of course; on some level, I think we all did. It’s Soap Commandment Number 9, after all, carved into a sacred stone by ITV many moons ago: If Thou Art Female And Under 18, Thou Shalt Get Pregnant At Some Point (Sophie Webster, of course, narrowly escaped this fate due to the Lesbian Exemption Clause).
Amy’s hardly been able to take three steps down the street lately without Peter, Leanne, or Tracy jumping on her demanding to know who the father is, so it was awfully convenient she was able to have a long uninterrupted chat with Tyler in the public garden. Still, it was better than that slightly bizarre scene where Craig and Faye told Amy about their prior experience of teenage pregnancy (did the writers forget Craig isn’t actually Miley’s father, or what…?).
When she told her parents about the chat and Steve roared “Craig?!” I was fully expecting him to march round to Craig’s house and start accusing him of having knocked Amy up, too. Such is the tradition with these cut-and-paste stories; every boy of a vaguely similar age must be interrogated, preferably with a shovel or a similar implement. Bonus points if the outraged father in question can draw blood before his family manage to convince him that he’s got the wrong lad. (Oh, and just in case it wasn’t mentioned quite enough times and anyone failed to catch it, Simon’s a virgin.)
No more, please. I’d even be willing to endure a couple of episodes where Yasmeen teaches a sex-education class at the community centre – awkwardly failing to put a condom on a banana as David Platt cracks dirty jokes from the third row – if it meant no more teen pregnancy storylines until at least 2030. Which, coincidentally, would be about the right time for Miley Windass to return from Canada as a stroppy teenager (played, no doubt, by an actress with a thick Manchester accent) and wind up pregnant herself. There’d be a lovely sort of symmetry to it.
It’s not all bad, though. My new favourite character Bethany was the result of a teenage pregnancy, after all. She was a bit of a wild child at first but that was some time ago and now she seems to have turned into a good daughter: responsible, principled, and thoroughly revolted at seeing her mum flirting with that creeper Adam Barlow. “Barlow, Adam Barlow”: just like James Bond, he’s hard-drinking, Scottish, and predatory. Mind, Bethany seems to have inherited both Sarah and Gail’s awful taste in men: I want to take her out for drinks and try to get to the bottom of whatever it is about Ryan she finds so attractive. We haven’t seen Michelle’s brood in what feels like forever (not that I’m complaining) – is Ali still about? Last I remember he was hiding under his bed in Robert and Michelle’s flat, getting through a bottle of whiskey a day and growling at anyone who tried to speak to him. Or will his sudden attack of murderousness be quietly forgotten?
At least Sally’s out of prison. I’m liking the way they’ve paired her up with Abi, who I’m also quite fond of. Sally’s efforts to transform her into a respectable member of society seem to be slowly paying off. She tried and failed with Rosie and Tim, but maybe the third time’s the charm. Let’s hope Abi finds a job soon (there must be something going on t’Street – who’s working in Dev’s shop these days?). Now would be a great time for Rosie to finally make a reappearance (I can’t even remember what contrived excuse they cooked up to write her out – anyone clue me in?): enough with the doom and gloom, let’s have a few laughs in the Webster household.
And finally, a moment of silence for dear Sylvia. I always held out a faint hope we’d see her again. You can just picture Tyrone dropping Evelyn off at the café in an attempt to force a friendship between them both, like some sort of OAP playdate. (I’m still convinced she’s not his real grandmother and will not be persuaded otherwise.) It used to be that there was always a good gaggle of oldies in residence – who can forget that delightful story where Ian McKellen dropped in on the book club – but right now Weatherfield feels like a young person’s place to be, and I miss having the likes of Blanche, Fred, Betty, Deirdre, Jack, and Vera around. It’s not new blood Corrie needs right now, it’s old.
By Stephen Leach, who is in Twitter @SirTerenceBoot - read all of Stephen Leach's guest blogs here.
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Great post, full of wit and wisdom.
ReplyDeleteLoved this. More please! Did Rosie not go off to Japan to be some reality show?
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