Coronation Street Blog: Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Aidan is a pocket dumper. Cathy and Yasmeen merrily bitched about what a pain in the backside Aidan was, wandering around the house discharging small change everywhere like a malfunctioning Coinstar. Here's my tip, ladies: pick up that small change and put it in your purse. He'll soon stop when he realises he's heamorrhaging cash everywhere he goes. (Also, Yasmeen, a handy way to stop him using up all the hot water is to get a combi boiler. You can probably get a grant from the council. You're welcome.)

Everything's better with a chorus. The imploding kickstarter alliance was just another popcorn moment for Dev, Sophie and Rosie, who sat at the side heckling. I'd like them to be present at all future incidents, not interacting, just providing a Gogglebox-style commentary on the events. Put it on the red button, or maybe ITV2.

Confession is good for the soul (sometimes). Billy absolutely had to get to church to seek God's guidance. He had to, right there, right then. And he also had to confess causing a road accident to the police, he had to, just as he had to tell them about the armed robbery, because that was the only thing that would salve his conscience. It was absolutely imperative. It should be noted, however, that all this virtuous confessing only became absolutely vital once he got caught. He was perfectly fine with not mentioning it to anyone for the previous sixteen years.

Summer's going to develop diabetes. "Here you go, a nice healthy glass of milk to give you strong bones. And as a snack, how about an entire packet of cookies? Just gorge on them until you're full."

Some words are simply beyond the pale. Robert's genitalia were a cause of much discussion in Friday's episodes, and a number of phrases were deployed to refer to it. "Undercarriage". "Down there." "Family jewels." No-one, however, used the word "testicles". Which, in a story about testicular cancer, seems like a glaring oversight (especially as Michelle casually threw in the word "breast" without the universe imploding). Perhaps don't use the show to criticise male squeamishness about medical matters if you can't bring yourself to mention the body parts yourself.

If you've got something you absolutely have to confess, despite not being bothered about it since since Toploader were in the charts, tell me @merseytart.