Coronation Street Episode Review Monday 1st August

 

The Platts attempt to put the fun into funeral at Kylie's send-off, with bright clothes, burgers and chips, and pop music. Audrey is not keen on this latter choice, thinking the "Pussydoll Cats" unsuitable for a funeral, but by the end of it, she says it felt "very Kylie." Max does the eulogy, saying that his mum brought chips to school when the kitchen went junk food-free, how she'd read him silly poems when he was scared and that she'd do anything for him. Aw.

You can't have a funeral without a bust-up and here we have two. Todd, angry that Jason has had an accident following a drunken, miserable night on the Khaosan Road (presumably), has it out with Sarah about his misconception that she killed Callum. When she persuades him that it wasn't her, her gaze moves to the hearse containing Kylie's body. Todd, despite his could've-gone-to-Oxbridge brains, is more Watson than Holmes and assumes that she's looking at David, leading to the two of them squaring up at the burial. Didn't David ever wonder why Todd was blaming Tony for Callum's death? Todd's still got the wrong end of the stick, assuming David messed with Sarah's head to make her think that she killed her ex. When Sarah blurts out the truth, David has to work quickly to neutralise Todd: appealing to his good side - let Kylie's memory rest in peace for the sake of Max and Lily, his self-interest - the police will arrest him for his lies, Jason and Eileen will never speak to him again, and his fear - "You wouldn't last five minutes in prison," says David, who, to be fair, has seen the inside of a young offenders institute. None of this is any good; "Nice try, David," spits Todd as he shoves David, before barging out of the house.

Still, you can't blame Todd for thinking that David persuaded Sarah she killed Callum after the sadistic stunts that David has pulled in the past, a bit like you can't blame Sean for thinking Todd is going out with Billy as "another one of your sick jokes". After the burial brawl, Sean, who instead of just texting Todd, quits the pub in the middle of a shift, leaving Tim (!) and Rita (!!) to run the bar, to fetch the Toddster home, sees Billy trying to calm him down and works out what's going on. Sean asks Billy if Todd is "A soul you can win from the dark side" wondering "Wasn't I bad enough?" No, but you were whiny enough, Sean. I did feel for Sean in these scenes, as Billy finally falls of his pedestal when Sean realises that he's "just a man". Oddly, Billy says that he and Todd are not sleeping together. What? Not even after that kiss? And didn't Billy give up on celibacy when he was dating Sean?

Anyway, Jason's had an accident, so Eileen books flights to go be by his bedside in the Thai hospital. Phelan, whose face is a picture of boredom during Sean's melt-down, doesn't know when to keep schtum and tries to use the Sean situation to oust Todd from the house, but Eileen is not Anna and gives Pat what for. "It's not your place to comment! That is enough!" she shouts, before demanding that Phelan leave chez Grimshaw instead of her son. You almost Phel for Pat in this scene: he moved into number 11 for free bed and board and the opportunity to take over the builder's yard and instead gets dragged into all the Grimshaw drama.
  
Back on the cobbles, unfab Macca is lurking around, waiting for Gemma (who totally redefines funeral-wear with her clashing mini-dress and jacket, neon pink hat, and earrings as big as her arm) in order to threaten her some more. She is rescued by Craig, who insists on calling the police, much to Gemma's consternation. I hope this storyline leads Gemma to moving away from the estate and onto the cobbles.

Meanwhile, back at the wake, Norris is trying to sell Emily's stuff on ebay, for which Rita blames Spider. Shouldn't Emily be back by now after her six months in Peru? Tim is quite interested in any antimacassars that might be going begging for Sound of Music impersonation purposes. He finds ebay a bit confusing though, he once bought a signed Glenn Hoddle photo for Sally, thinking it was Glenn Medeiros. Norris makes up for his Norrissness by bringing two jars of sweets from the Kabin for Max, but let's leave the last word to Gail: "I'll miss her."

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