Fat Brenda's Gray Horn

You get to hear all kinds of things working at Streetcars and I’ve found out about that Chris. He’s a nasty piece of work that fella.

Now loveys, as you all know, I’ve never liked that Cheryl. She came into MY cab office and turned into somewhere as bland as her. She’s like a personality vampire, instead of sucking blood she feasts upon the flamin’ charisma and charm of everyone she comes into contact with! Take Lloyd, he was belting before he hooked up with her.

How Cheryl was ever a stripper I’ll never know, I can imagine her taking her bra off and cavorting in her Primark knickers while the punters fell asleep into their pints of mild. Apparently she was the only pole dancer in Britain where the pole got more cash tips than her.

So that leads me onto the subject of Chris. I can’t believe that when he went for his brain scan they didn’t recognize his scientific significance, he is the ‘missing link’, loveys! He’s neither an ape nor a human! He was found entombed in an iceberg off the coast of Filey and thawed out before escaping from his cage and moving to Weatherfield - lucky us!

Oh loveys, won’t someone just tell Lloyd they're at it and let’s get this over with. If some fella had been handy with his fists on me, even the excuse of a brain tumor wouldn’t make me forgive him. Black eyes may fade but the memory doesn’t and if she's forgotten how bad it was then I reckon one look at this photo should remind her.

As I’ve said in’t past, the only shocking thing about Chris’s brain tumor was that he had a brain for it to grow on. No wonder it’s stopped expanding, it had nowt to feed on!

Never has a family been so well named - Gray! As the into-net says when you type Gray into Googly: "Gray: Lacking in cheer; gloomy" It's not flamin' wrong is it loveys?!

As far as I’m concerned, Cheryl needs to get the flamin’ hell out of Weatherfield and that Chris needs to take a long walk off Blackpool Pier!