The John Stape storyline - so far

(I did a spot on Radio1Xtra last Thursday, explaining the John Stape storyline to the listeners. It's caught the Nation's attention it would seem, and has turned John from a 'Nice young man' to a walking danger zone. It'll end in tears ... )

“It’s not what it looks like,” John said to Ches as he stood silhouetted at the top of the Hoyle’s cellar steps. Up until now, it never really was his fault, and I’d always been dead sympathetic towards him. After all; he didn’t mean to kill any of those people, did he? They just sort-of died … near him.

He’d always been such a lovely, friendly chap who’d just had more than his fair share of bad luck … till now. Telling Katy that Chesney had run away; ooh, that’s not right, and it's turned me, that has. I hope they throw the book at him, and the bookcase.

Someone else doing their best to ruin Ches and Katy’s lives is ‘Fay(t)e worse than death'. She’d be wishing she were dead if I caught up with her: evil little minx. Giving our lovely Anna all that grief; that Faye needs a damn good hiding. I know they’ve always got ‘issues’, but why is it that every adopted child in any Soap always has to be so damn spiteful? She’ll probably turn out to be Amy’s evil twin, separated at birth from her wicked mother Tracy Barlow. Talking of evil: what about those stares Amy’s been dishing out this week: scary or what? Enough to turn milk sour.

Oh, and speaking of milk … she didn’t half neck that pint. It was like watching Deirdre and Liz with a bottle of red! No doubt it’ll be James getting the blame – or even Eccles for sneakily opening the fridge with his little paws when nobody's looking!

Another one who’s shedding his ‘nice guy’ image is our Graham. We’re seeing more evidence of him and Xin’s growing bond as he begins to turn against Tina. Idiot. I know, it’s not real, but it’s because we care for the characters so much that we feel upset when things don’t go the way we – as viewers – want them to go! It seems we don’t want Tracy to get back with Steve either. That would be so wrong on every level, and I really hope it doesn’t happen. Time will tell.

Happier couples this week include Marcus and Sean. Their reunion’s been sweet, and Rosie and Jason have given me my regular fill of laughter during their little split. I love how she’s so supportive of Sophie and Sian. Do we see a reunion for the Websters on the horizon too? I’d put a fiver on it being a ‘yes’.

Sylvia muttering “Pervert,” when she saw Tommy crossing the road in his kecks was a gem, but my Grin of the Week this week is another perfectly-timed classic from … who else, but the wonderful Rosie.

In the Hospital: “Er, can I just ask a question? Why a cheese knife?” Sheer poetry!

As a tribute to Patti Clare – who won Best Comedy Performance at the British Soap Awards this week (and who displayed the same sort of determination getting a part in that keeps me at it for 15 hours a day trying to get my book published!), here’s a special Grin of the Week with a couple of my favourite Mary lines:

“I tend to heat up at night, so I like as few layers as possible after lights out. I just lie there stroking my Miu-Miu until I fall asleep."

Rita (to Mary) “I wasn't born yesterday."

Mary: "No. I can see that."